(no subject)

[swem]

damn i fucked up............. really all i need to say tonight was so fun hangin out with taylor and lacy and derrick and his gf and Q and everybody else that was there, but i realizd tongith that i really have to work on keeoing band and taylor seperate cause it has been brought to my attention that when i am with her i talk about music and band shit way to often , and i completely understand that i guess i just hadn't really notice tell she told me. i need not to do that cause my tie with her is her time and who ever else we are withs time i guess it cause i bring it up to much. like today we were waiting for lacy to come pick us up to go get her moms car for the night and i had a great idea for a video shoot with my originaly story board liek just adding things in and i was getting ready to tell her and she said somthing along the lines off can we please not tlak about your bands rioght now and at first i took offense to it in a small way but then i realized just now smoking a cig that i really do talk about it way to much with her and i would get on my nerves to so i'm going to try and keep music talk to very important things when i am with her along the lines of when practice is and just new guitar parts and stuff cause i want our time togeather to be our time, oh hsit beofer i forget to tell yall she made a gilbert and sulavan production here in austin she is the only minor to make it i was sooo proud of her i think she is really going to like it. it makes me soo happy when i hear such grat news from her it just makes my day to see her smile so bright it really warms my soul. and contiuing on from where i left off i did something rude tonight...no wait i think its more inconsiderate than rude we were at derrick and Q's place and danella had brought over some killer pasta and we all ate some i got taylor plates and when i went in to get on for me so she can have her own there wasn't any clean plates left and so i just ate right out of the bowl it was in, now normally i wouldn't think of it beign incosiderate or rude b/c i never really thougth about it but sice i have been sick and still kinda am that was extreammly inconsiderate of me, when she told me i was being rude for doing that i took it way to personally an i got kinda asshole ish and man i was so dumb for doing that i guess it was kinda surprised at me just out off the blue i toaly took her tone the wrong way, i felt liek she was knocing me down for it and i felt bad and so i kinda acted like a prick, after that i was so mad at myself for it i must have been the biggest duche bag for doing that i'm just slowly leraning how not to take things so personal and just enjoy lifes things. i havn't really been able to do that for quite sometime i guess its b/c i've had to always be or had to feel like i more grown up than my age and damnit i'malmost 19 and i act like i'm 30 sometimes and i just hate it, thats one thing i love about taylor i feel so alive with her she brings out the best in me, like this one time she dared me to go out side strip and walk back inside and i was like no way am i doing this cause i mean i wasn't druk soo i wan't all that crazy but i did it any way cause i knew it would put a smile on her face and it was so much fun and when we platy around with each other like tickle or wrestle or anything playful i feel so alive its the most amsing feeling in the world. i just can't believe i acted like such an ass tonight. but i'm trying not to be anymore i'm making a consious effort to not take things people say personal and to just sit back and enjoy every waking moment with her not that i dont normally but just be completly enthrawled with her spirt her mind her heart and everything. something happen to night with a friend of mine not wanting to hang out with us b/c of her and that made me upset cause i thought and still do think it has something to do with me but she will tell me what happen when she is ready to. we share everything with each other. besides her being my gf she is my best friend in the world i can tell her everything and she will always listen with an open heart and mind as do i though someimes i slip up but i'm working on that to. life rioght now can only get better if i work on NOT TakING THINGS PERSONALY AND JUST SITING BACK AND ENJOYING LIFES OFFERS. well i'm off to sleep later all take care and

I LOVE TAYLOR GARRISON in the famous words of mel gibson as wliiman wallace " i love you, always have allways will"
goodnight yall
-swem