I don't love you like I loved you yesterday (chapter 4 pt 1)

Nov 01, 2010 22:20

Title: I don't love you like I loved you yesterday
Summary: Jack has everything he could ever want except Alex. Alex has everything he could ever want except Jack.
Pairing: Jalex
POV: 1st switches between jack and alex
Rating: M-ish but it's pretty tame at the moment
Warning: Language, it's slash so yeah..
Disclaimer: It's all lies, so don't sue
Credit: Title to My Chemical Romance Cut to All Time Low 
A/N: This is all like an inner monologue of Alex, it explains a bit of the past and right at the end is all the current happenings, this is shit I can feel my writers block setting in 
Constructive criticism is appreciated :]
masterpost

Alex
This was not supposed to happen
At least not this way
We’ve always had a special relationship
Bordering on inappropriate for best friends
It was 8th grade when I started to feel something for Jack
Something more than what I should
Something that could ruin a lot of things if he didn’t feel the same way
So I kept my mouth shut,
All through freshman year
I savored the bro hugs
I did whatever I could to be around him
All through sophomore year
I started writing music
I started writing songs
Every single one had some basis off of him
And as creepy as this is going to sound
I looked forward to staying over at his house because
At night after epic Halo adventures
After midnight mountain dew runs
After making pot brownies
We would lie on his bed
His head resting on my chest
I would run my hands through his hair
He would comment on the rapid beating of my heart
I would blame the mountain dew
Even though he was the cause for every irregular beat
“sing to me Lex” he would say
And I would
I would sing him whatever the fuck he wanted
‘I Miss You’ was a common request
And then he wanted something I wrote
And I made up something on the spot
And every weekend I added a line
Until ‘Six Feet Under the Stars’ was born
And then it was our junior year
All Time Low was just starting up
I was once again pushed aside all emotions I had for him
I was with Lisa
He started seeing Sandra
It was hard at first
I thought it was just a crush
All thoughts of being with him were pushed out of my mind
And I focused on the band
I focused on Lisa
I focused on being a relatively carefree teenager
I focused on being who I thought I was
Until we realized we needed a bass player and sought out Zack
It was a party welcoming Zack to the band
It was at my house while my parents were away
It was after everyone left
We were in my basement
Talking about Lisa and Sandra
And out of the blue
Jack asked me “ Alex if you were to kiss only one person for the rest of your life, chick or dude, who would it be and why?”
My hands grew cold
My stomach felt as if it were consuming itself
It was now or never Gaskarth
“It would be you Jack” I whispered
I remember the world spinning
I remember the anxiety I felt
I remember the fear
“I was hoping you would say that” He smiled
It was the first time we kissed
It wouldn’t be the last either
Senior year
The party scene was out
As well as put up or shut up
We were working on So wrong it’s right
We fooled around behind everyone’s backs
I lied to Lisa with a straight face
He lied to Sandra
And we lied about lying
Maybe what happened next was fate
Maybe it was whoever that was in control of the universe screaming at us to “suck the proverbial cock of karma”
Lisa came to me and told me she was pregnant
With my child
Maddy
I had to man the fuck up
The first step was breaking it off with Jack
I did
I told him he could hate me
I told him it was alright
I cried
He stopped the tears and told me
Sandra was pregnant as well
With his child
Delilah
We were going to parents
He told me he couldn’t hate me if he tried
He cried
We held each other for the last time as lovers
It was on the beach in Ocean City, Maryland
That we kissed for the last time
Until last night at least
I could hate Lisa
But what about Sandra?
Now lying in a bed in some swanky hotel
Jack walking around the room in plaid boxers
I couldn’t help but wonder
Had we relived the passion we once had?
The bruises on Jack’s hips screams yes
But the wishful, urbane part of me screams no 
But those could be from Sandra couldn’t they?
No
Not in that place
That was a region reserved for yours truly
He didn’t realize I was awake
Instead of alerting him of the fact
I watched him ponder my iphone
Trying to answer its incessant ringing
The code Jacky
Think
The day we met
5-1-99
His face lights up as he selects the right code
He notices that I’m awake
He smiles at me
His face changes as he realizes who’s on the phone
“hello lisa” he whispers quietly
Everything comes back to me at once
I turn away from him
Burying my head in the pillow
I do everything to stop the ringing in my hears
I do everything to drown out the noise of my world crashing around me
Shattering his in the process

rating: m, pairing: alex gaskarth/jack barakat, chaptered: i don't love you like i loved, author: sweetyyouhadme

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