lets aim for 100 then!
Typical me, I extented my fast, though it can hardly be a bad thing I'm guessing.
Day 4 - Hour 87
I feel better than yesturday, alot better than yestuday. Last night I couldn't sleep at all and I ended up crying into the early hours of the morning. I think I'm actually less dizzy feeling today, is that possible? There's no reason for me to eat tonight I guess, it's not like any of my friends would invite me to go along to supper with them anyway. I feel rejected, it's like they realised that I always make an excuse to go to a meal so they don't seem the point in asking me to join them. I am relieved in a way, it means I can be alone more and hide even more away from the world. Maybe I'll disappear and no body will even notice I've gone. Maybe i'll be free to waste away alone.
My concentration at anything is deteriating, I can't even remember a time when everything was clear and made perfect sense. I don't think I even want to see clearly though when I think about it, I'm afraid to admit to the world that I have a problem. It's taken alot for me just to write on paper, on a journal, but i guess its a step forward so that one day I may recover if I'm at least finally admitting to myself I have a problem. Funny, I got diagnosed as bulimic and yet at the time i knew that i had a problem, but I wouldn't let myself believe I did.
I'm going to go the gym now i think and for a walk, then I'll come back to my dorm, make some coffee and study like hell was about to take over, man do i have sooo much work. I'm debating whether dying my hair black again...I'm just worried I may look paler if i do so, even though I think it looks better black than it does just brown