(no subject)
I know I write about my husband, our sex life, and how happy I am in my life right now and it gets boring for you to read but there is a reason why I write about these things. Ive been with the same man, in the same relationship for almost 7 years. Before he met me I was a fucking mess with a capital M. I had just gotten out of an 18 month long abusive relationship. My first ever. And to top it off, before the relationship I was mentally unstable and diagnosed from an early age with a few mental health disorders. So this poor man of mine met me, and when we came to live together I brought along all my baggage, both figuratively and literally. He had been single for 3 or 4 years before me. Looking back on some of the things he went through because of me and vice versa, it makes me sick. I was damaged goods, he was an on again off again heroin addict. And for the first 18 months or so we lived in the upstairs part of his parents house.
I dont much feel like getting into a lot of details now, but the last two years and on/off throughout our first years, we have both said and done hurtful shit to one another. For the past few months since he has told me that for the last few years he hasnt been happy with me, Ive really put forth an effort to make him happy. At first I wasnt happy having to change, but sometimes you have to fake it to make it, you have to be willing to compromise. And if I didnt change, Id lose the one person in my life who loved me unconditionally, who would have done anything for me, no questions asked. Part of what I had to change was not being moody and bitchy all the time. I look back and I know he didnt deserve the way I was treating him, but I needed him to also understand that I didnt mean to treat him like that. Im not mentally sound. I have severe moodswings all the time. He is the best thing to ever to have happened to me. I begged tearfully for him not to leave me. My whole life Ive been abandoned by the most important people in my life, if he left me too there was no telling what Id do.
So Ive really been trying and everything is working out. Hes happier, Im doing well and am happier most of the time. Being mentally sick, I have those times I get emotional and want to cry about shit from my past and present, I get times Im in a mood to be bitchy. Now when those times press upon me, I sleep them off. Im not sure its the healthiest way to deal with those emotions but its working. Or if I really cant shake off the bad mood, I will engage in rougher sex then usual with my babe. Kill two birds with one shot...I mean stone ;)
Thanks for listening to my woes. I have many more stories with details but they arent for tonight.