you should start dating.
I went to the mall today to sorta buy friends gifts and all. My mom and i were in American Eagle and i picked out this nice sweater to try on. So we're walking into the change rooms and there are these two guys who work there opening the doors for people, one of which is really cute. I try it on and come out to show it to my mom and these guys are standing there with my mom and i while i'm trying to talk to her. And i was thinking what the hell, go away and me (being a loser and all), i start being embarrassed and blushing LIKE CRAZY. You'd have to be there to see it, unbelievable blushing. So then my mom decides i should also have jeans because she has a $10 off card she really wants to use. So this cute guy is sent off 28397128937 times looking for the right jeans because these freakin' people don't understand anything. And each time, he's asking me how they fit and all and whenever i actually look him in the face, i can feel my cheeks getting so hot they're gonna explode, and he can definitely see this and he starts smiling. So i just stare at the floor. And at one point, this guy's kinda leaning on the wall next to the change room door:
mom: (to cute guy) what? would you like to come in?
cute guy: (laughs) oh, noooo... i have a girlfriend!
Then, at another point:
me: mom, i already own these jeans
mom: well, you can have two
me: two of the same pair of jeans?!?
cute guy: hey, i have two pairs of these jeans
mom: yeah... and you don't even have to take them off to pee
cute guy: (gets embarrassed and shuts up)
My mom's REALLY loud and obnoxious in a loving way, if anyone hadn't noticed. While i was in the changing room, the guys must've forgotten i was still in there because they started talking about how rude my mom is. She was searching for jeans, or something. I didn't even know they were talking about her until later, anyway. Then, they were doing that whole thing that guys in stores always do to my mom, where they're so scared of her that they wait on her hand and foor and pretend they love her.
When we finally got out of the store (two sweaters & a pair of jeans), my mom was all "Vlada, what am i going to do with you? I don't think i've ever seen you so red. You should start dating." Very, very laughable. As if i'm a nun and against dating. Please, mom! Wake up and smell the coffee! I don't go around rejecting everyone who wants to date me. Do you know why? BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO DATE ME. This isn't a self-pity thing or a please-tell-me-i'm-awesome-and-will-find-someone thing. It's simply a my-mom-thinks-i-should-start-dating thing. She was trying to convince me to let her go over there and ask that cute guy out for me. A great plan if i ever saw one.
The day ended with her discussing just how red my face was with my dad over dinner.
mom: (to cute guy) what? would you like to come in?
cute guy: (laughs) oh, noooo... i have a girlfriend!
Then, at another point:
me: mom, i already own these jeans
mom: well, you can have two
me: two of the same pair of jeans?!?
cute guy: hey, i have two pairs of these jeans
mom: yeah... and you don't even have to take them off to pee
cute guy: (gets embarrassed and shuts up)
My mom's REALLY loud and obnoxious in a loving way, if anyone hadn't noticed. While i was in the changing room, the guys must've forgotten i was still in there because they started talking about how rude my mom is. She was searching for jeans, or something. I didn't even know they were talking about her until later, anyway. Then, they were doing that whole thing that guys in stores always do to my mom, where they're so scared of her that they wait on her hand and foor and pretend they love her.
When we finally got out of the store (two sweaters & a pair of jeans), my mom was all "Vlada, what am i going to do with you? I don't think i've ever seen you so red. You should start dating." Very, very laughable. As if i'm a nun and against dating. Please, mom! Wake up and smell the coffee! I don't go around rejecting everyone who wants to date me. Do you know why? BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO DATE ME. This isn't a self-pity thing or a please-tell-me-i'm-awesome-and-will-find-someone thing. It's simply a my-mom-thinks-i-should-start-dating thing. She was trying to convince me to let her go over there and ask that cute guy out for me. A great plan if i ever saw one.
The day ended with her discussing just how red my face was with my dad over dinner.