I need to vent.

[sweettaco]

I feel empty inside. I can feel depression slowly slipping over me. But how do I stop it? I am average. I drive a car that gets me where I need to go, my parents support me instead of me trying to do it myself, and I realize that all through my life things have been average. I look around me and see extraoridinary people. I want to be that way too. I try to do what is right, put forth some effort in everything I do, and I cannot not care about things. I care about everything. My head was swarmming so bad awhile ago with everything that is bothering me. I felt like going insane. I want to just curl up in a ball and sleep with no visitors. School is...like an outlet for what I am not quite sure of. I do just enough to get by. That's where I feel like I am. Just getting by. I don't want that. I know I am loved by many but may be I am not in love with myself. I feel like I need to go in search to find out who I am and what it is I want to become. I can only do one thing at a time. For me to do that I would have to focus on just that with no distrations like school, a job, and people. No it is not just him that distracts me. How do I make myself happy? I need answers badly. Where do I look for them? May be that is it I am not happy with myself anymore. Tears fell when I wrote How do I make myself Happy. I can't remember the last time I unleashed them. It feels like forever. Anyways I am thru.

Sweetheart