(no subject)
i revel in confusion. bask, relish, welter; whatever you please
i find that whenever my life is temporarily incomplex, i convince myself that it is not so. i naturally seek out upcoming ordeals to be confused or distressed about. purposely, i distinguish events in my future that will cause myself grief, confusion, or heartache. it is almost as if i need the feeling of complexity in my life to feel satisfied. then, typical of my wild imagination, i begin to worry about what will become of me and i worry about how i will feel and how i will cope and i worry if i will ever be this complacent in a long while- when in reality, my complacency is dissolving into nothingness as fear and uneasiness quietly take its place. i am aware that this is no way to live. i find that i perpetually contradict myself, practically preaching to anyone that hears to live today and in the now, while i am standing, no, staggering on the other end of the spectrum.
diagnosis: neurosis, definitely
do not come away with my message misinterpreted- -it is only when all is said and done and my mind is free to wander that i burden myself with all this unnecessary complicatedness
* but we're gonna get back to the simple life again