feelings still remain..
Not one word out of all the good words that Jehovah your God has spoken to
you has failed. - Josh. 23:14.
UGH! It was my escape from everything bad in my life and everything bad that I wanted. I used it to feel better and get through the day with a smile. Now its gone... I miss it, i crave it, it was my drug. I tried to replace it but I can't. Nothing is good enough. Now i just have to trust that something new will come along. The trick is.. that it will come, but when youre ready... not when you feel you need it or want it. I have to be patient and that is the hardest thing. I'm sick with anxiousness. I see its not only me my sickness has targeted. It has a wondering eye and many have been falling prey. I want to beat this, I want to see what he has in store for me.. I hope its better than what I expect. I can't imagine it being better than what i have dreamed of and built up. I hope he proves me wrong. I want the whole thing and nothing less. I want to know that all these tests won't go uncredited. I just wish I didn't want it.. the more i tell myself i don't the more I suffer. No matter how bad it gets I will not turn to strangers to feed my cravings. I will not fall. The skinnier my ego grows the bigger my reward will be.
well.. i better be off.. i have to go face another day at work