Labor, delivery, and stuff
I've been meaning to write a meaningful entry for weeks now. Every time I start something happens; the baby cries, my router craps out on me, I remember that I've had dishes piled up in the sink for two days...
Well now, dishes are done, shower's taken, house is in only a moderate state of disrepair, and the baby is asleep. Well, he IS due to wake up pretty soon, but I think I can squeeze in some words in the meantime.
About the labor & delivery, I got the epidural because I was terrified of the pain that I imagined I would have. Watching all those Discovery shows about women going natural, hearing horror stories from other women... Well, in spite of it all, I wish I didn't get the epidural. I think it made my labor last longer, I couldn't feel or move my legs, and my legs were sore from being in one position for so long. Honestly, the way hospitals "help" women deliver is not the best thing for the woman or baby. Don't get me wrong--the nurses who were with me (Rosie and Wandra) and my doctor, Dr. Vasquez, were all wonderful. They were all very supportive, wonderful people. The hospital itself was cool, and I got a room to myself. But looking back, I really wish I could have been able to move around a lot more, try different positions, etc.
Okay, I know I'm kind of jumping all over the place. My water broke when I was watching a movie with my mom. The movie was Old Dogs, and it was kind of boring. It was 3 days past my due date, and I was sitting on my balance ball, trying to encourage contractions. Sure enough, I felt a sort of pop down there, and the water came gushing out. I don't know if I ever felt definite contractions... I felt a bunch of instances of crampiness, but no definite omgmyuterusiscontracting at all. I checked in with my doctor's office and was told to come in as soon as my water broke. So I went to the Redlands Community Hospital. And got stuck a shitload of times all over my arm. My arms were so swollen with water retention that the nurses had a hard time finding my vein. Consequently, they kept missing my vein and stabbing me all over the back of my hand and my arm. At the end of my hospital stay, I had a huge bruise on inside of my forearm that reminded me distinctly of the end of Requiem for a Dream. Anyway, long story short... I got the epidural the anesthesiologist, Dr. Lewis (who looked WAY to be young & cute to be a doctor.) He was really cool because we talked about music before he doped me up. He recognized a Heather Nova song from my ipod, and joked that she "kind of has angry stuff." It got my mind off the contractions and was just neat in general to talk about music with someone. The epidural was good for numbing the pain of the contractions... but I had been making great progress up until getting the damn drugs. I was dilated up to like a 4-5 before I got the shot, and then everything seemed to stop after. They had to give me Pitocin to stimulate contractions. I wasn't allowed to drink anything, only chew on ice. I was so thirsty and dehydrated by the end of it all, my bag of pee was brown. Lovely.
I would just like to interject here and say that I recently saw a wonderful documentary called The Business of Being Born. It examines today's conventional maternal care--and one of the things discussed is the "snowball effect" of epidurals slowing down labor and causing the laboring woman to need Pitocin. When I saw that part in the movie I got angry because I felt like I cheated myself into a longer labor.
But anyway, yes it was hard. Yes it was painful. I DID feel pain toward the end. Quite a bit. I know the epidural didn't run out, but I know it didn't block all the pain, particularly during the transition phase. That hurt so bad, the pushing part felt like a relief. I pushed for 2 hours by the way. They don't call it labor for nothing. Geez. At the end, though, oh my God. I can't even tell you how wonderful it was to see Rex for the first time. As I saw him being seemingly flung out by the doctor, still attached with his cord, I was so overjoyed to finally see him it took my breath away. He was so beautiful and sweet and innocent. Every horrible thing I went through to get him here was worth it. Everything. When I looked into his eyes, I was instantly in love.
I'm going to back up again. Before having him, I worried that I was the kind of woman that may have a hard time connecting instantly with the baby right after the moment of birth. I didn't consider myself very maternal or even very conventionally feminine. I wondered if I'd just be like, "Okay, he's healthy, let me sleep." It didn't happen, though. As soon as I held him and heard him cry for the first time, I felt my heart ache with love for him. It hasn't stopped aching since.
I am breastfeeding exclusively. It is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. The first three weeks were the hardest. There were tears, worries that I wasn't producing enough milk to feed him properly, pain, pressure from his pediatrician to supplement with formula. I went to a lactation consultant (after seeing about 3 different ones while in the hospital, even) and regained confidence in my choice when I felt like I wanted to give up. I cannot believe how much pressure hospitals put on women to produce milk RIGHT NOW or give their babies formula. Every source I've read on breastfeeding says that babies don't need that much milk in the beginning two days. The nurses kept coming in so often to bother me about trying to put Rex, who was sleeping soundly, to the breast, that sleep was next to impossible for me. It took a little extra time for my milk to really come in, about 5 days, and I really think it was because Rex and I weren't allowed to get that much rest in the beginning and it screwed up that rhythm of supply & demand that you need in order to produce.
What really helped was when I rented a hospital-grade pump. Made my life so much easier when things were really hard in the beginning. Now I just use it to pump extra milk for when I want to go out or get extra sleep.
One of the things that had Justin and me so worried in the beginning was that Rex had lost 11% of his birthweight within about 5 days. He went from 9 lbs., 9.5 oz. down to 8 lbs., 4 oz. On top of that, he wasn't pooping and his urine had uric crystals in them. He seemed dehydrated & undernourished. I cried so much, wondering if I was making the right choice about breastfeeding. I doubted my own body. However, I had a lot of support from my friend Janell, who is a borderline conspiracy theorist about formula. Sad thing is, she's right about most of what she says about formula companies being a huge racket. I remember opening up my book about breastfeeding, seeing the happy pictures of mother and child engaged in an effortless breastfeeding session and being in tears. However, I opened to a page that said something like, "Many mothers ask themselves, 'Will I be able to breastfeed?' That's like asking yourself 'Can I walk?'" It gave me hope. Women have been doing this since we first came to be. I stuck through it, through the pain and endless frustrating hours of trying to get Rex to latch on properly, supplementing only a few times with formula just to make sure Rex was getting some nutrition while my supply was being established.
When he went for his one-month checkup, he was a healthy 10 lbs. 7 oz. and 22 inches long. And he keeps getting bigger, his cheeks and thighs filling out a little more. It makes me so happy to see him growing so well.
Obviously, this post has been mostly about the physical aspects of things lately. There's been a lot more to all this, especially with how my relationship with Justin has kind of changed and adapted to having a son. Hopefully I'll get to writing about this later. Justin is a wonderful father. I'm lucky to have him.
Okay, I am exhausted. Rex is, surprisingly, still asleep. Bed time for me!
Well now, dishes are done, shower's taken, house is in only a moderate state of disrepair, and the baby is asleep. Well, he IS due to wake up pretty soon, but I think I can squeeze in some words in the meantime.
About the labor & delivery, I got the epidural because I was terrified of the pain that I imagined I would have. Watching all those Discovery shows about women going natural, hearing horror stories from other women... Well, in spite of it all, I wish I didn't get the epidural. I think it made my labor last longer, I couldn't feel or move my legs, and my legs were sore from being in one position for so long. Honestly, the way hospitals "help" women deliver is not the best thing for the woman or baby. Don't get me wrong--the nurses who were with me (Rosie and Wandra) and my doctor, Dr. Vasquez, were all wonderful. They were all very supportive, wonderful people. The hospital itself was cool, and I got a room to myself. But looking back, I really wish I could have been able to move around a lot more, try different positions, etc.
Okay, I know I'm kind of jumping all over the place. My water broke when I was watching a movie with my mom. The movie was Old Dogs, and it was kind of boring. It was 3 days past my due date, and I was sitting on my balance ball, trying to encourage contractions. Sure enough, I felt a sort of pop down there, and the water came gushing out. I don't know if I ever felt definite contractions... I felt a bunch of instances of crampiness, but no definite omgmyuterusiscontracting at all. I checked in with my doctor's office and was told to come in as soon as my water broke. So I went to the Redlands Community Hospital. And got stuck a shitload of times all over my arm. My arms were so swollen with water retention that the nurses had a hard time finding my vein. Consequently, they kept missing my vein and stabbing me all over the back of my hand and my arm. At the end of my hospital stay, I had a huge bruise on inside of my forearm that reminded me distinctly of the end of Requiem for a Dream. Anyway, long story short... I got the epidural the anesthesiologist, Dr. Lewis (who looked WAY to be young & cute to be a doctor.) He was really cool because we talked about music before he doped me up. He recognized a Heather Nova song from my ipod, and joked that she "kind of has angry stuff." It got my mind off the contractions and was just neat in general to talk about music with someone. The epidural was good for numbing the pain of the contractions... but I had been making great progress up until getting the damn drugs. I was dilated up to like a 4-5 before I got the shot, and then everything seemed to stop after. They had to give me Pitocin to stimulate contractions. I wasn't allowed to drink anything, only chew on ice. I was so thirsty and dehydrated by the end of it all, my bag of pee was brown. Lovely.
I would just like to interject here and say that I recently saw a wonderful documentary called The Business of Being Born. It examines today's conventional maternal care--and one of the things discussed is the "snowball effect" of epidurals slowing down labor and causing the laboring woman to need Pitocin. When I saw that part in the movie I got angry because I felt like I cheated myself into a longer labor.
But anyway, yes it was hard. Yes it was painful. I DID feel pain toward the end. Quite a bit. I know the epidural didn't run out, but I know it didn't block all the pain, particularly during the transition phase. That hurt so bad, the pushing part felt like a relief. I pushed for 2 hours by the way. They don't call it labor for nothing. Geez. At the end, though, oh my God. I can't even tell you how wonderful it was to see Rex for the first time. As I saw him being seemingly flung out by the doctor, still attached with his cord, I was so overjoyed to finally see him it took my breath away. He was so beautiful and sweet and innocent. Every horrible thing I went through to get him here was worth it. Everything. When I looked into his eyes, I was instantly in love.
I'm going to back up again. Before having him, I worried that I was the kind of woman that may have a hard time connecting instantly with the baby right after the moment of birth. I didn't consider myself very maternal or even very conventionally feminine. I wondered if I'd just be like, "Okay, he's healthy, let me sleep." It didn't happen, though. As soon as I held him and heard him cry for the first time, I felt my heart ache with love for him. It hasn't stopped aching since.
I am breastfeeding exclusively. It is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. The first three weeks were the hardest. There were tears, worries that I wasn't producing enough milk to feed him properly, pain, pressure from his pediatrician to supplement with formula. I went to a lactation consultant (after seeing about 3 different ones while in the hospital, even) and regained confidence in my choice when I felt like I wanted to give up. I cannot believe how much pressure hospitals put on women to produce milk RIGHT NOW or give their babies formula. Every source I've read on breastfeeding says that babies don't need that much milk in the beginning two days. The nurses kept coming in so often to bother me about trying to put Rex, who was sleeping soundly, to the breast, that sleep was next to impossible for me. It took a little extra time for my milk to really come in, about 5 days, and I really think it was because Rex and I weren't allowed to get that much rest in the beginning and it screwed up that rhythm of supply & demand that you need in order to produce.
What really helped was when I rented a hospital-grade pump. Made my life so much easier when things were really hard in the beginning. Now I just use it to pump extra milk for when I want to go out or get extra sleep.
One of the things that had Justin and me so worried in the beginning was that Rex had lost 11% of his birthweight within about 5 days. He went from 9 lbs., 9.5 oz. down to 8 lbs., 4 oz. On top of that, he wasn't pooping and his urine had uric crystals in them. He seemed dehydrated & undernourished. I cried so much, wondering if I was making the right choice about breastfeeding. I doubted my own body. However, I had a lot of support from my friend Janell, who is a borderline conspiracy theorist about formula. Sad thing is, she's right about most of what she says about formula companies being a huge racket. I remember opening up my book about breastfeeding, seeing the happy pictures of mother and child engaged in an effortless breastfeeding session and being in tears. However, I opened to a page that said something like, "Many mothers ask themselves, 'Will I be able to breastfeed?' That's like asking yourself 'Can I walk?'" It gave me hope. Women have been doing this since we first came to be. I stuck through it, through the pain and endless frustrating hours of trying to get Rex to latch on properly, supplementing only a few times with formula just to make sure Rex was getting some nutrition while my supply was being established.
When he went for his one-month checkup, he was a healthy 10 lbs. 7 oz. and 22 inches long. And he keeps getting bigger, his cheeks and thighs filling out a little more. It makes me so happy to see him growing so well.
Obviously, this post has been mostly about the physical aspects of things lately. There's been a lot more to all this, especially with how my relationship with Justin has kind of changed and adapted to having a son. Hopefully I'll get to writing about this later. Justin is a wonderful father. I'm lucky to have him.
Okay, I am exhausted. Rex is, surprisingly, still asleep. Bed time for me!