(no subject)
I can't even speak about my feelings right now. They are everywhere. I wanted to use this LJ as a positive way for me to express myself. But its so difficult right now. I stayed home from work today with cramps, and i have to go to dale carnegie later. Being home alone and having nothing to do just makes me think about so many things. And I hate it, but i think its better to let feelings out then to keep them in.
1) I have no motivation for anything. I want to get skinner and healthier, but have no motivation to work out anymore. Its gone, because when I was doing it, nothing was really happening. Im so tired when i get home from work, and i know i should just go straight to the gym and work out, but i never want to. I think i am just going to have to try to accept myself as I am, but the problem is, the rest of the world always doesnt.
2) Friendships are hard. There are ups and downs, fake friendships and real friendships, friends of convenience and location, best friends, friends who call just to say hi, friends who invite you to go out, the list can go on forever. I just hope the friendships I have can survive the distance that they have gotten since January. I haven't really developed these relationships because I was gone, and immediately started working 9-5. I see happy people around me with these great friendships, but then I always have to work or am tired and cant go anywhere. Why does having a job mean that its hard to keep friendships strong?
3) Boys. One will come when I am least expecting it. I have that one figured out. I just wish people could include friends in their lives when they have someone. Friends will always be there, but it is no guarantee that a guy always will be, no matter how wonderful you may think he is. I am njoying spending time with someone every week. I have known him kind of for 3 years, but we are both really shy, and i dont think will ever be able to say how we feel, if that even is what we feel.
Three main things. My weight. Friends. Boys. ( and on a minor note: money and school) I am going to struggle with these three things for my whole life. And what is so hard is that they may seem simple, but struggling with them is SO difficult for me. I guess I am just expressing my journey right now. THanks for listening to how I feel.
***I seem to always have these deep entries because I just dont do anything. P.S. Drew on BB5 is way hot though***
1) I have no motivation for anything. I want to get skinner and healthier, but have no motivation to work out anymore. Its gone, because when I was doing it, nothing was really happening. Im so tired when i get home from work, and i know i should just go straight to the gym and work out, but i never want to. I think i am just going to have to try to accept myself as I am, but the problem is, the rest of the world always doesnt.
2) Friendships are hard. There are ups and downs, fake friendships and real friendships, friends of convenience and location, best friends, friends who call just to say hi, friends who invite you to go out, the list can go on forever. I just hope the friendships I have can survive the distance that they have gotten since January. I haven't really developed these relationships because I was gone, and immediately started working 9-5. I see happy people around me with these great friendships, but then I always have to work or am tired and cant go anywhere. Why does having a job mean that its hard to keep friendships strong?
3) Boys. One will come when I am least expecting it. I have that one figured out. I just wish people could include friends in their lives when they have someone. Friends will always be there, but it is no guarantee that a guy always will be, no matter how wonderful you may think he is. I am njoying spending time with someone every week. I have known him kind of for 3 years, but we are both really shy, and i dont think will ever be able to say how we feel, if that even is what we feel.
Three main things. My weight. Friends. Boys. ( and on a minor note: money and school) I am going to struggle with these three things for my whole life. And what is so hard is that they may seem simple, but struggling with them is SO difficult for me. I guess I am just expressing my journey right now. THanks for listening to how I feel.
***I seem to always have these deep entries because I just dont do anything. P.S. Drew on BB5 is way hot though***