compulsory weekend update....
This weekend was pretty fun.
Friday was really nice. Ended a little earlier than usual, which was unfortunate.
Saturday I had tons of fun with Deanna. We had breakfast and went shopping. I got my 2005 planner and a cool pen! Later we headed over to her grandmas to help her unpack from her move and ended up staying over there for the night. It was a lot of fun.
Today, the morning was nice. Then I came home with this ridiculous idea in my head to clean my room. So I did. I went a little nutty and cleared out the 'reserved for chaos' area. I took all my cd's off the tower I had them in and dusted the tower. That was just a dumb idea. It's got these weird lip things on the back so the cd's don't fall out but you can't dust them with a normal dusting cloth so I had to do it with q-tips because you can't half dust something. So after that small bout of maddness subsided, I was blindsided by another one. I decided to alphabetize my cd's. After about B, I was so pissed off at myself for starting it. How aggrivating and completely unnecessary. I ended up finishing though. I feel very unsettled now that that area of the room is mostly clean. I ended up finding a shirt that I had forgotten that I bought though. It still had the tags on and everything....LOL.
I hate sitting at home cleaning though. Then my mind starts reeling and all kinds of things start running through there. Then I realize that I am probably not as happy with the state of my life as I thought or didn't think. I should just stop thinking, that's the problem really.....
I feel like there are things missing or incomplete or something in my life. I'm not sure what that is exactly, which kind of sucks because then I don't know how to fix that. I got the job thing set now, so at least I know it's not that. I think it's just that I kinda wish that I was at a different phase of my life right now. I wish that I was settled on my own and felt more that some other things in my life were a little bit more stable. Something about security and reliability is lacking in my life. I think that's why I have the dreams where I can't find people. Somewhere deep in my subconscious I must think that one day I'm going to wake up and think that everyone will be gone from me. I hate being alone. I already know that. I can't imagine that I would ever be totally alone though. There's always people in my life. Maybe just the important people then. Maybe I'm afraid they'll leave. Who knows? I think I just wish that I could be happy without waiting for everything to fall apart. Always looking up to see if the other shoe is going to drop.....I'm kinda tired of that. It makes me a little edgy I think.
I should probably just stop thinking and get over myself.
Friday was really nice. Ended a little earlier than usual, which was unfortunate.
Saturday I had tons of fun with Deanna. We had breakfast and went shopping. I got my 2005 planner and a cool pen! Later we headed over to her grandmas to help her unpack from her move and ended up staying over there for the night. It was a lot of fun.
Today, the morning was nice. Then I came home with this ridiculous idea in my head to clean my room. So I did. I went a little nutty and cleared out the 'reserved for chaos' area. I took all my cd's off the tower I had them in and dusted the tower. That was just a dumb idea. It's got these weird lip things on the back so the cd's don't fall out but you can't dust them with a normal dusting cloth so I had to do it with q-tips because you can't half dust something. So after that small bout of maddness subsided, I was blindsided by another one. I decided to alphabetize my cd's. After about B, I was so pissed off at myself for starting it. How aggrivating and completely unnecessary. I ended up finishing though. I feel very unsettled now that that area of the room is mostly clean. I ended up finding a shirt that I had forgotten that I bought though. It still had the tags on and everything....LOL.
I hate sitting at home cleaning though. Then my mind starts reeling and all kinds of things start running through there. Then I realize that I am probably not as happy with the state of my life as I thought or didn't think. I should just stop thinking, that's the problem really.....
I feel like there are things missing or incomplete or something in my life. I'm not sure what that is exactly, which kind of sucks because then I don't know how to fix that. I got the job thing set now, so at least I know it's not that. I think it's just that I kinda wish that I was at a different phase of my life right now. I wish that I was settled on my own and felt more that some other things in my life were a little bit more stable. Something about security and reliability is lacking in my life. I think that's why I have the dreams where I can't find people. Somewhere deep in my subconscious I must think that one day I'm going to wake up and think that everyone will be gone from me. I hate being alone. I already know that. I can't imagine that I would ever be totally alone though. There's always people in my life. Maybe just the important people then. Maybe I'm afraid they'll leave. Who knows? I think I just wish that I could be happy without waiting for everything to fall apart. Always looking up to see if the other shoe is going to drop.....I'm kinda tired of that. It makes me a little edgy I think.
I should probably just stop thinking and get over myself.