Taking the first step
Reading a blog I found by accident while on Pinterest, completely made me spoke to me in a very positive and inspiring way. The initial blog entry was about how to be a good Godly wife. It wasn’t just for married women, it could be for someone in a relationship or single, just how God wants us to be wherever we are in life.
Lately, I’ve been feeling very burdened and somewhat lost in this life. The beginning of the year, I was diagnosed with PCOS and since then I’ve been doing the doctors orders and also juggling school and work. It is a hard schedule to manage but I wouldn’t want it any other way right now. After I read that entry, my heart has been tugging at me to look for the Lord, in small ways and also in big ways. Until recently, I’ve been very apprehensive about following in his ways and even believing. I am not saying I don’t believe there is a God, because I do and my morals are based on his teachings that were taught to me by my very religious parents. I just never fully accepted the honor of becoming a true Christian.
Since my mom passed, I’ve noticed changes in me I don’t really like. I’m very cynical in my own way. I’m bitter about a lot of things. I’ve allowed myself to be closed off instead of open to others. I’m thriving off of my insecurities. All of these new changes have eaten me up emotionally and mentally. It is exhausting to wake up every morning with a chip on your shoulder for no reason. I am disgusted with myself at this point. I have fallen out of the ways I should be living.
I don’t really know where to start with the Lord, I am out of practice with it all. I’d love to go to church, but a part of me wants to just take baby steps and just slowly immerse myself with daily devotionals and then go and seek a new church. Maybe I’m being a coward for not doing it all at once, I don’t know. All I do know is I want to get back to how I was before all this sin came crawling into my life. I don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s too much and I know it will be my biggest demise.
Lately, I’ve been feeling very burdened and somewhat lost in this life. The beginning of the year, I was diagnosed with PCOS and since then I’ve been doing the doctors orders and also juggling school and work. It is a hard schedule to manage but I wouldn’t want it any other way right now. After I read that entry, my heart has been tugging at me to look for the Lord, in small ways and also in big ways. Until recently, I’ve been very apprehensive about following in his ways and even believing. I am not saying I don’t believe there is a God, because I do and my morals are based on his teachings that were taught to me by my very religious parents. I just never fully accepted the honor of becoming a true Christian.
Since my mom passed, I’ve noticed changes in me I don’t really like. I’m very cynical in my own way. I’m bitter about a lot of things. I’ve allowed myself to be closed off instead of open to others. I’m thriving off of my insecurities. All of these new changes have eaten me up emotionally and mentally. It is exhausting to wake up every morning with a chip on your shoulder for no reason. I am disgusted with myself at this point. I have fallen out of the ways I should be living.
I don’t really know where to start with the Lord, I am out of practice with it all. I’d love to go to church, but a part of me wants to just take baby steps and just slowly immerse myself with daily devotionals and then go and seek a new church. Maybe I’m being a coward for not doing it all at once, I don’t know. All I do know is I want to get back to how I was before all this sin came crawling into my life. I don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s too much and I know it will be my biggest demise.