[Private entry] I'm coming home again.

Jun 03, 2008 09:31

    He would be upset to know that the denial and the betrayal was done without any crowing of a rooster.  It's fine, Herod, there's still one more dance to do.

In this play, everyone has a role even if they don't know it or not.  If I can't stop my stupid fucking mouth, then I'll have to move now.

I had a dream that I was down on the beach with my mother and Jonba, we were so happy.  Sitting in the sun and running through the waves, she told me that she loved me, that she loved both of us.  She was so beautiful that I couldn't even see her, she was bright and hot like the sun and when she held me it felt like coming home.  She kissed both of my eyes and then my mouth and told me that I was doing the right thing, and when it was all over she would be well again.

I woke up feeling warm and happy.  I woke up alone.  I know he thinks I'm disgusting, he's afraid to touch me, like I am some sort of fucking diseased dog.  I'm going to get my filth on him, on his sheets and on his skin.  I should never have told him, because now that's all he can think when he looks at me.  It was a real shame because I really do love him, I wouldn't lie about that, I never do.  It's fine, I'm use to unrequited love.

Dad was right, no one will truly love me.  Not after they know me.  If we can't get rid of the sin, we'll get rid of the sinner.  Won't we? 

private, journal entry, family values

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