(no subject)
are the rest of you happy? then why am i a mess all the time?
because most peoples sources of happiness is right in front of them. you know- your friends, your family, you girl/boyfriend. I have so many beautiful things in my life, but none of them are with me. and it makes it so hard to feel whole here, when i cant find any pieces of me in anybody else.
I'm having a going away swarey of sorts tomorrow evening in my dorm, and I have seriousy come to realize that I dont have much here. I always joke about it, but really- I dont have friends here, and it is taking its toll on me.
in other news, I have a hip apointment that is approaching, and also a consultation with a plastic surgeon. that apt. is kind of far away, but hopefully there will be a cancelation so I can scoot in there and fix this. So maybe for once- especially when i am alone- I can walk somewhere with my head up, and I can look people in the eye rather than try to put my hair in front of my face, or burry myself in my hood. Right now, girls on my floor are rolling by the window and I am terrified of what they are saying about my profile. Once a girl asked me in the elevator if i got in a fight the night before because she heard a girl with a big nose got into the fight. oh- good one. you are a fucking slob and i hope you fall over. Do people honestly think i dont have mirrors and no one in my ENTIRE life has EVER pointed out to me that my nose is long and has a bump and is round at the tip? news flash- i used to stay home from school because of it. I used to wish I would accidently die on the way home so people wouldnt notice anymore. Sometimes, when the mood is right- I still do. Because when youre nearly 20 years old and people still feel the need to remind you with a friendly "HEY SCHNOSER!!!YOU HAVE A BIG SCHNOSE!" the thought kind of stays with you. Oh and its way better when they find out my name is Rose. and dont act like every single one of you hasnt thought about it, or joked about it with a friend, or whatever the case may be. I know its impossible not to see my face. Its okay though, I dont blame any of you.
I dont know when I turned into such an anger-ball..
because most peoples sources of happiness is right in front of them. you know- your friends, your family, you girl/boyfriend. I have so many beautiful things in my life, but none of them are with me. and it makes it so hard to feel whole here, when i cant find any pieces of me in anybody else.
I'm having a going away swarey of sorts tomorrow evening in my dorm, and I have seriousy come to realize that I dont have much here. I always joke about it, but really- I dont have friends here, and it is taking its toll on me.
in other news, I have a hip apointment that is approaching, and also a consultation with a plastic surgeon. that apt. is kind of far away, but hopefully there will be a cancelation so I can scoot in there and fix this. So maybe for once- especially when i am alone- I can walk somewhere with my head up, and I can look people in the eye rather than try to put my hair in front of my face, or burry myself in my hood. Right now, girls on my floor are rolling by the window and I am terrified of what they are saying about my profile. Once a girl asked me in the elevator if i got in a fight the night before because she heard a girl with a big nose got into the fight. oh- good one. you are a fucking slob and i hope you fall over. Do people honestly think i dont have mirrors and no one in my ENTIRE life has EVER pointed out to me that my nose is long and has a bump and is round at the tip? news flash- i used to stay home from school because of it. I used to wish I would accidently die on the way home so people wouldnt notice anymore. Sometimes, when the mood is right- I still do. Because when youre nearly 20 years old and people still feel the need to remind you with a friendly "HEY SCHNOSER!!!YOU HAVE A BIG SCHNOSE!" the thought kind of stays with you. Oh and its way better when they find out my name is Rose. and dont act like every single one of you hasnt thought about it, or joked about it with a friend, or whatever the case may be. I know its impossible not to see my face. Its okay though, I dont blame any of you.
I dont know when I turned into such an anger-ball..