and if I fall, would you pick me up?
On Tuesday I cried myself to sleep. Hoping that, maybe, the morning wouldn't happen. Only to receive a call from my mom on Wednesday that Rhonda wasn't doing good.
Rhonda. My step sister, who I begrudged due to my anger toward my mother. Who was a month older than me. We looked alike growing up, Uncanny. Both only children who became sisters due to a marriage. In my own self pity I didn't allow her heart to open to mine.
In 2007, when the shit went down in my world, I went to North Carolina and Rhonda and I connected. I truly felt like I had a sister. The first time in my life - I felt I had someone who felt the same way as I did and understood the situation.
In February of this year she was diagnosed with leukemia but with a 98% chance of beating it. I believed it. I truly wanted to believe all of the prayers that people were sending her (I don't pray). And her optimism was so impressive! She was so positive! Made me feel like shit.
And maybe it's because I didn't pray that she died yesterday...at 10:30 am. Leaving behind her first love, a young son, her parents, my mom and Scott's family.
SHE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT! To the book. Married her first love, finished college and kept the first job she got, built her house, had a child, went to church, believed in God. And "he" (aka God) still took her. Because according to all that are posting on her Facebook, which who by the way, 3 days ago said that "He" was there to heal her has now brought her home. THAT's JUST WEIRD. I'm sorry. It's just odd to me how one can flip flop in order to make their beliefs true.
So forgive me. Forgive me Rhonda. Forgive me for being self centered and not holy. But what happened to you is BULL SHIT. And if you see my Gram, tell her that I miss her.
Rhonda. My step sister, who I begrudged due to my anger toward my mother. Who was a month older than me. We looked alike growing up, Uncanny. Both only children who became sisters due to a marriage. In my own self pity I didn't allow her heart to open to mine.
In 2007, when the shit went down in my world, I went to North Carolina and Rhonda and I connected. I truly felt like I had a sister. The first time in my life - I felt I had someone who felt the same way as I did and understood the situation.
In February of this year she was diagnosed with leukemia but with a 98% chance of beating it. I believed it. I truly wanted to believe all of the prayers that people were sending her (I don't pray). And her optimism was so impressive! She was so positive! Made me feel like shit.
And maybe it's because I didn't pray that she died yesterday...at 10:30 am. Leaving behind her first love, a young son, her parents, my mom and Scott's family.
SHE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT! To the book. Married her first love, finished college and kept the first job she got, built her house, had a child, went to church, believed in God. And "he" (aka God) still took her. Because according to all that are posting on her Facebook, which who by the way, 3 days ago said that "He" was there to heal her has now brought her home. THAT's JUST WEIRD. I'm sorry. It's just odd to me how one can flip flop in order to make their beliefs true.
So forgive me. Forgive me Rhonda. Forgive me for being self centered and not holy. But what happened to you is BULL SHIT. And if you see my Gram, tell her that I miss her.