Bleed just to know you're alive
Every time I go to update this thing I change my mind and delete it. So... hopefully I'll actually post the following:
Finals are over and I made Dean's list!!! Fuck yeah Bitches! One more year left to go and I'll be out of here.
Going to Lake Wales, FL soon to be a drama director and camp counselor at New Image Camp. It's going to be a good summer.
I've decided to live in Bermuda Run next year with some friends. I figured that it would be much easier to live in a place where utilities are included with the rent.
I've been seeing this guy who lives in Savannah for about a month now. Really liked him. However he kept pissing me off. He would never show up on time for anything. Last night he was going to come over and stay the night with me. I ended up falling asleep. Three hours after I talked with him he calls to let me know that he is on his way over to my apartment. I was like "Um, it's too late for you too come over here. Anyway, there is already someone else in my bed. Good night." Well, I was not lying about someone being in my bed- my friend Lousia unexpectedly came over last night and crashed at my place. I just did not inform my little guy friend that there was a girl in my bed. Whatever. Fuck him for being so disrespectful. Actually, I am glad that he did piss me off. I really liked him but he did not want to be in a relationship. He just wanted some ass. I'm just glad I never gave into him. I'll be satisfied if I never see nor speak to him again.
In observation of myself over the past month with this guy I noticed something rather disturbing:
I knew that he did not want to be in a relationship and that if I were to do anything with him i would be wasting my time. However I still continued talk on the phone with him, send text messages, and let him stay the night with me.
I did all of this to myself knowing that it was not a good idea. I knew that I would get attached. In a way I DID get attached to him. I know this because when he finally told me that our friendship would go no further than "friends with benefits," I cried(not in front of him). So I asked myself why I was deliberately setting myself up to be disappointed.
I realized that I was happy just to feel something. I was content as long as I could feel an emotion towards a guy. I've been a glutton for punishment. Not that I really ever wanted punishment to begin with but didn't care that this would happen to me.
god... I'm lame. I've become one of those stupid girls
Yeah- I needed to FEEL something. So I felt a little pain. THE END
Finals are over and I made Dean's list!!! Fuck yeah Bitches! One more year left to go and I'll be out of here.
Going to Lake Wales, FL soon to be a drama director and camp counselor at New Image Camp. It's going to be a good summer.
I've decided to live in Bermuda Run next year with some friends. I figured that it would be much easier to live in a place where utilities are included with the rent.
I've been seeing this guy who lives in Savannah for about a month now. Really liked him. However he kept pissing me off. He would never show up on time for anything. Last night he was going to come over and stay the night with me. I ended up falling asleep. Three hours after I talked with him he calls to let me know that he is on his way over to my apartment. I was like "Um, it's too late for you too come over here. Anyway, there is already someone else in my bed. Good night." Well, I was not lying about someone being in my bed- my friend Lousia unexpectedly came over last night and crashed at my place. I just did not inform my little guy friend that there was a girl in my bed. Whatever. Fuck him for being so disrespectful. Actually, I am glad that he did piss me off. I really liked him but he did not want to be in a relationship. He just wanted some ass. I'm just glad I never gave into him. I'll be satisfied if I never see nor speak to him again.
In observation of myself over the past month with this guy I noticed something rather disturbing:
I knew that he did not want to be in a relationship and that if I were to do anything with him i would be wasting my time. However I still continued talk on the phone with him, send text messages, and let him stay the night with me.
I did all of this to myself knowing that it was not a good idea. I knew that I would get attached. In a way I DID get attached to him. I know this because when he finally told me that our friendship would go no further than "friends with benefits," I cried(not in front of him). So I asked myself why I was deliberately setting myself up to be disappointed.
I realized that I was happy just to feel something. I was content as long as I could feel an emotion towards a guy. I've been a glutton for punishment. Not that I really ever wanted punishment to begin with but didn't care that this would happen to me.
god... I'm lame. I've become one of those stupid girls
Yeah- I needed to FEEL something. So I felt a little pain. THE END