This entry is way too fucking long!!!!
I have an interview for an internship on Monday with the Georgia Department of Juvenile Justice!!!! Wish me luck. I'm actually the only person that they will be interviewing.... so I think I'm just going there to meet the agent and talk with her about....stuff. Anyway, I'm really excited!!! If I get the internship, there will be some celebrating.
Two more papers due this semester and 5 exams and I'll be done.... and DEAD. However, there will be a holiday bash at my house this Friday. Can't wait!
Once break starts, I can begin writing my play for next semester. Oh, that reminds me.... NOTE to self: GO AUDITION FOR THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES THIS WEEK.
I was looking back at my entries of live journal and found this kick ass poem that I wrote earlier this year. It's one of my better poems but I can't share it with anyone. Or, I'm afraid to share it with people. It's too psychotic. So much so that it freaks me out. It was written around the time that my sister(the first one my dad lived with after his stroke) was making my life hell on earth and she would not let me see my dad. I hated her so badly. It really desecrated my spirit for awhile. When she got in serious car wreck, I did not even feel sorry for her. I was actually smiling about it. That’s really fucked up. No one should hate someone that much. I'm a little better now. If her car wreck would of happened today I still would not have felt bad about it but I sure as hell would not have a grin crossing over my face.
It's really true what people say about hate. It will tear a person apart and make one become something he is not.
As of Today, none of my fathers children will have anything to do with him. They don't call to check on him- let alone visit. They are done with their father. They will have nothing to do with a sick man who is a 71 year old stroke victim. The poor man can barely speak a full sentence. My father raised all of his children in a loving home. With four children (excluding me because I was born way later) and a middle class income, he met all of their basic needs and gave each the opportunity to further their education after high school. He was even willing to send them to attend Lee University... which is where he hoped all his children would go, including me. When any of his children needed help, he would do everything in his power to be there for them.
So why does his children not want to be there for him when he may not have but another ten years to live? When he had his stroke, they ran up to the hospital with 'concern' in their eyes. They wanted to be there for him and take care of him. They cried and reflected back on how their father was such a good man and how tragic it was for him to have the stroke.
As of three weeks ago, I now know why my siblings will not have anything to do with my father. Actually, I've always had an idea, but my mother confirmed it for me when she spoke to my brother-in-law. The reason why my fathers children will not take part in my his life now is because he told them that EVERYTHING that he owns(House, property, cars, money...blah blah blah) will go to me. It all makes perfect since now. When my father had his stoke they got excited because they knew he had not made out his WILL yet. They knew that they had the power to push me aside and run the show. In fact, they changed the locks to my fathers house (the place where I lived over the summer and Christmas break) so that I could not get in. They cancelled my car insurance and medical insurance that my father was paying. They gave me the big.... 'I hate you because you are our daddy's favorite and now we can fuck you over' boot. They never feared me. They knew that they could do anything they wanted to me and get away with it. They had the resources, the connections, their money and my dads to push me aside. I never gave a damn that my insurance was cancelled. I had a job. I did care that they locked me out of the house that I was raised in.
Now that my dad lives with my mother and he wants me to have power of attorney, they won't speak to him. When DFACS took my father away from my sister (The 2nd daughter he lived with after the stroke) and they put him in the nursing home... nobody came to his aid except for me. He was in the nursing home for a day and a half before I knew he was there. According to the staff, he cried all night and begged them to find me. god... that broke my heart when I found out. The staff tried to call his other children as well but they rejected the invitation. When they called Myra, she told the head of the nursing home that she did not care that her dad was there and she was not coming to visit him. I got that piece of information from the lady who actually talked to her.
So yeah... My dads children never really cared about him, they cared about his money. What's 'funny’ is that they said I was the one who did not love my dad.Thy said that it was my fault that he had the stroke.
It hurts to see that they are this way. I don't know where their greed comes from. My father is not like that, nor his ex-wife. They are both wonderful people.
My dad understands that his children only want his money and that they do not really care about him. He has done his best to accept that and NOW wants nothing to do with them.
Before my dad came to live with my mom again, things were really rough. I was forbidden to see or talk to my father. They hid the phone from him...took mine and my mothers number that was written down on a sheet of paper and threw it away. They even went as far as ripping the C's out of the phonebook so he could not talk to me. If I called, they were listening in on the other line. It sucked. I cried for awhile, got really angry, and then gave up. Then for the first time in awhile I prayed. Which god? I did not care, just anyone who would listen. I told god that I was sick of crying and fighting to see my dad. I told god that I could no longer handle the emotional stress that I was bearing. I could not handle the physical pain that came with the stress. I told god that I was done with it. I told god that if it took me waiting to see my father in another life I would wait....I was just not going to fight anymore. I could not take it. I lost hope. I gave it god...I really did. Three weeks went by and I focused on my school, the play, friends, and parties. After the three weeks, I get a voicemail message from my sister that I needed to go the DEFACS office first thing in the morning for a family meeting. She told me to come alone. I did not go. I was afraid that I would get there alone and be would be torn to pieces by the family saying that I was a horrible person. Plus, like I said, I had given up on fighting. However, I did not know that the meeting was about my father being taken away from my sister. Had I known, I would have gone.....but not alone. Then when I finally found out my dad was in the nursing home.... I ran to see him. He was so happy to be away from his other children. He was ready to come and live with us.
I did not know it at the time, but the night that I prayed to god about my dad...he had sent me and my father a 'guardian angel.' I now believe they exist. The woman, who was sitting for my dad while my sister was a work, was our guardian angel. She observed what my sister was doing to our dad and saw how upset he was that he could not see me. She was instructed to listen to our phone conversations and tell my sister everything that was said. The conversation between my father and I broke her heart. She saw that it was NOT ME that was hurting my dad, it was my sister. She told me that she felt obligated to help him....and she did. Unfortunately, I cannot elaborate on this...so I hope that my memory will be a service to me and that I will never forget how god answered my plea for help.
I know I write a lot about my father in this journal. I look back at my entries and see that I talk about him all the time. I'm just so thankful that he is still alive and that I can now see him and talk to him anytime I want to... and vice versa.
I would like to say that we are living happily ever after, that the siblings are completely gone, and it’s just Mom, dad, and I. However, his children are causing us grief because they are still trying to get a hold of his money and house. One child even sued him. Yeah....that’s the fucking truth. I wish that I could say that I exaggerated on what I have written early this morning. However, I've actually toned it down a bit. I had to... this is a live journal... there is so much more. I'll have to write my book in order to get it all down.
It's 4:00. I have a 9am class. I just had to get this shit off my chest.
Two more papers due this semester and 5 exams and I'll be done.... and DEAD. However, there will be a holiday bash at my house this Friday. Can't wait!
Once break starts, I can begin writing my play for next semester. Oh, that reminds me.... NOTE to self: GO AUDITION FOR THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES THIS WEEK.
I was looking back at my entries of live journal and found this kick ass poem that I wrote earlier this year. It's one of my better poems but I can't share it with anyone. Or, I'm afraid to share it with people. It's too psychotic. So much so that it freaks me out. It was written around the time that my sister(the first one my dad lived with after his stroke) was making my life hell on earth and she would not let me see my dad. I hated her so badly. It really desecrated my spirit for awhile. When she got in serious car wreck, I did not even feel sorry for her. I was actually smiling about it. That’s really fucked up. No one should hate someone that much. I'm a little better now. If her car wreck would of happened today I still would not have felt bad about it but I sure as hell would not have a grin crossing over my face.
It's really true what people say about hate. It will tear a person apart and make one become something he is not.
As of Today, none of my fathers children will have anything to do with him. They don't call to check on him- let alone visit. They are done with their father. They will have nothing to do with a sick man who is a 71 year old stroke victim. The poor man can barely speak a full sentence. My father raised all of his children in a loving home. With four children (excluding me because I was born way later) and a middle class income, he met all of their basic needs and gave each the opportunity to further their education after high school. He was even willing to send them to attend Lee University... which is where he hoped all his children would go, including me. When any of his children needed help, he would do everything in his power to be there for them.
So why does his children not want to be there for him when he may not have but another ten years to live? When he had his stroke, they ran up to the hospital with 'concern' in their eyes. They wanted to be there for him and take care of him. They cried and reflected back on how their father was such a good man and how tragic it was for him to have the stroke.
As of three weeks ago, I now know why my siblings will not have anything to do with my father. Actually, I've always had an idea, but my mother confirmed it for me when she spoke to my brother-in-law. The reason why my fathers children will not take part in my his life now is because he told them that EVERYTHING that he owns(House, property, cars, money...blah blah blah) will go to me. It all makes perfect since now. When my father had his stoke they got excited because they knew he had not made out his WILL yet. They knew that they had the power to push me aside and run the show. In fact, they changed the locks to my fathers house (the place where I lived over the summer and Christmas break) so that I could not get in. They cancelled my car insurance and medical insurance that my father was paying. They gave me the big.... 'I hate you because you are our daddy's favorite and now we can fuck you over' boot. They never feared me. They knew that they could do anything they wanted to me and get away with it. They had the resources, the connections, their money and my dads to push me aside. I never gave a damn that my insurance was cancelled. I had a job. I did care that they locked me out of the house that I was raised in.
Now that my dad lives with my mother and he wants me to have power of attorney, they won't speak to him. When DFACS took my father away from my sister (The 2nd daughter he lived with after the stroke) and they put him in the nursing home... nobody came to his aid except for me. He was in the nursing home for a day and a half before I knew he was there. According to the staff, he cried all night and begged them to find me. god... that broke my heart when I found out. The staff tried to call his other children as well but they rejected the invitation. When they called Myra, she told the head of the nursing home that she did not care that her dad was there and she was not coming to visit him. I got that piece of information from the lady who actually talked to her.
So yeah... My dads children never really cared about him, they cared about his money. What's 'funny’ is that they said I was the one who did not love my dad.Thy said that it was my fault that he had the stroke.
It hurts to see that they are this way. I don't know where their greed comes from. My father is not like that, nor his ex-wife. They are both wonderful people.
My dad understands that his children only want his money and that they do not really care about him. He has done his best to accept that and NOW wants nothing to do with them.
Before my dad came to live with my mom again, things were really rough. I was forbidden to see or talk to my father. They hid the phone from him...took mine and my mothers number that was written down on a sheet of paper and threw it away. They even went as far as ripping the C's out of the phonebook so he could not talk to me. If I called, they were listening in on the other line. It sucked. I cried for awhile, got really angry, and then gave up. Then for the first time in awhile I prayed. Which god? I did not care, just anyone who would listen. I told god that I was sick of crying and fighting to see my dad. I told god that I could no longer handle the emotional stress that I was bearing. I could not handle the physical pain that came with the stress. I told god that I was done with it. I told god that if it took me waiting to see my father in another life I would wait....I was just not going to fight anymore. I could not take it. I lost hope. I gave it god...I really did. Three weeks went by and I focused on my school, the play, friends, and parties. After the three weeks, I get a voicemail message from my sister that I needed to go the DEFACS office first thing in the morning for a family meeting. She told me to come alone. I did not go. I was afraid that I would get there alone and be would be torn to pieces by the family saying that I was a horrible person. Plus, like I said, I had given up on fighting. However, I did not know that the meeting was about my father being taken away from my sister. Had I known, I would have gone.....but not alone. Then when I finally found out my dad was in the nursing home.... I ran to see him. He was so happy to be away from his other children. He was ready to come and live with us.
I did not know it at the time, but the night that I prayed to god about my dad...he had sent me and my father a 'guardian angel.' I now believe they exist. The woman, who was sitting for my dad while my sister was a work, was our guardian angel. She observed what my sister was doing to our dad and saw how upset he was that he could not see me. She was instructed to listen to our phone conversations and tell my sister everything that was said. The conversation between my father and I broke her heart. She saw that it was NOT ME that was hurting my dad, it was my sister. She told me that she felt obligated to help him....and she did. Unfortunately, I cannot elaborate on this...so I hope that my memory will be a service to me and that I will never forget how god answered my plea for help.
I know I write a lot about my father in this journal. I look back at my entries and see that I talk about him all the time. I'm just so thankful that he is still alive and that I can now see him and talk to him anytime I want to... and vice versa.
I would like to say that we are living happily ever after, that the siblings are completely gone, and it’s just Mom, dad, and I. However, his children are causing us grief because they are still trying to get a hold of his money and house. One child even sued him. Yeah....that’s the fucking truth. I wish that I could say that I exaggerated on what I have written early this morning. However, I've actually toned it down a bit. I had to... this is a live journal... there is so much more. I'll have to write my book in order to get it all down.
It's 4:00. I have a 9am class. I just had to get this shit off my chest.