(no subject)
So I haven't posted in a real long time which means...It must be vent time!!
Auditions for the last two shows of my college career today. Not that the "last" thing really makes a huge deal to me, there were just some roles that I really wanted, actually really one role that i was real interested in. an awkward, lonely older sister, which from my four years here I have sort of come to believe is my type. Plus Crimes is a great show, and Beth Henley is coming, all of which culminated to something I really wanted have a chance to be a part of. Also, we were auditioning for Much Ado, directed by Tom, which honestly I'm excited for but don't really see a stand out role for me, or at least not one that he would cast me in. But, anyhoo, auditions went well, I thought. I was really nervous right before, but over all I thought I did well.
Callback lists went up and I didn't get called back for Crimes. at all. with a show I really like, and a director I really enjoy working with. I should have expected it. I got my hopes up far too much, and when I do that, nothing ever goes right. I did get called back for Much Ado, a smaller role, but its something. I just feel really frustrated that I'm apparently not talented enough, or haven't grown enough to recognize what I'm right for. I think I know; from the second I started reading Crimes I instantly connected with Lenny ,but I'm never right. I'm so ready to get the hell out of here, where people look past the three or four "super talents" in a class and just look at you. And maybe I'll fail and fail hard in the real world, but I swear to god, it has to be better than how awful it is here sometimes. The same people getting every opportunity, handed to them easy as pie, while so many more have to fight and fight hard for every little thing that they are given. Sometimes, I just want to stand out a little. Be noticed behind the looming shadows of everyone who seems to have accomplished more. God, this is so ridiculously emotional and irrational, but I guess its what I feel. I'm just so frustrated for never feeling like I'm good enough. Its why I push myself, why I do so much, to try and feel like I some how measure up. But it doesn't change.
ok....done being emo. sort of. sorry if i offended, but no one really reads this anyway. Just keep pushing forward. someday, someday, someday.
Auditions for the last two shows of my college career today. Not that the "last" thing really makes a huge deal to me, there were just some roles that I really wanted, actually really one role that i was real interested in. an awkward, lonely older sister, which from my four years here I have sort of come to believe is my type. Plus Crimes is a great show, and Beth Henley is coming, all of which culminated to something I really wanted have a chance to be a part of. Also, we were auditioning for Much Ado, directed by Tom, which honestly I'm excited for but don't really see a stand out role for me, or at least not one that he would cast me in. But, anyhoo, auditions went well, I thought. I was really nervous right before, but over all I thought I did well.
Callback lists went up and I didn't get called back for Crimes. at all. with a show I really like, and a director I really enjoy working with. I should have expected it. I got my hopes up far too much, and when I do that, nothing ever goes right. I did get called back for Much Ado, a smaller role, but its something. I just feel really frustrated that I'm apparently not talented enough, or haven't grown enough to recognize what I'm right for. I think I know; from the second I started reading Crimes I instantly connected with Lenny ,but I'm never right. I'm so ready to get the hell out of here, where people look past the three or four "super talents" in a class and just look at you. And maybe I'll fail and fail hard in the real world, but I swear to god, it has to be better than how awful it is here sometimes. The same people getting every opportunity, handed to them easy as pie, while so many more have to fight and fight hard for every little thing that they are given. Sometimes, I just want to stand out a little. Be noticed behind the looming shadows of everyone who seems to have accomplished more. God, this is so ridiculously emotional and irrational, but I guess its what I feel. I'm just so frustrated for never feeling like I'm good enough. Its why I push myself, why I do so much, to try and feel like I some how measure up. But it doesn't change.
ok....done being emo. sort of. sorry if i offended, but no one really reads this anyway. Just keep pushing forward. someday, someday, someday.