so i continue as i am, because i don't know how else to be
someone tell me, at what point does it get easier? at what point do all my efforts start to pay off?
i have so little keeping me going these day, but ironically i haven't sunk back into deep depression, yet. i guess that is because i do still have a few people making me happy. hopefully i don't lose that influence or i'll start having to reach around for anything to save me from the drowning feeling. i go home again in 9 days. no work, just friends. maybe that is just the re-fuel i need. i am hoping. i need to have motivation to continue to exist.
gotta do my taxes when i am home, since i wont be back again until late april. i am hoping for a refund. who knows maybe i will surpass my state of indecision and use the money for a tattoo or something this summer. i have friends with a similar plan in mind.
also on the agenda for this short vaca is going to visit the massage school that will potentially allow me to take summer courses, and also the one i am thinking of transferring to if i like the field enough to stick with it in the fall as well.
other than that i have little planned. the 12th i am accompanying justin to a ski area supposedly in order to hear a friend of his' band perform. got some valentine's day plans in the works for once. not exactly sure what all that will involve, since the planning is pretty well out of my hands given that i am way out here. i hear something about dinner, which is fine by me. i am easy to please and since all my past relationships have never overlapped valentines day (i was sabotaged once, actually) it will be nice to have something official and fun to look forward to doing
also speaking of food, i am working on lunch plans on the 15th to celebrate my third vegetarian anniversary... figures i'll be home and therefore just as far away from decent veggie-friendly restaurants as i always have been the past two years. perhaps i will have a second belated celebration upon my return to canada... if i can find people to accompany/drive me somewhere. plans for home aren't elaborate since probably only one of my vegetarian friends (and a recently converted one at that) will be available to join me. but again, i am easy to please. will be nice to actually celebrate that day as well in some way other than by myself, at home.
so that is all i got planned with any definance so far. gotta visit my brother at some point and check out the new apartment. if certain geographical factors weren't hindrances, i would be living there with him this summer/fall. i for sure don't wanna have to move back home, but that is at least a temporary inevitability.
also, one of my old high school friends and i have been getting back in touch lately. he's one of those people i was never wicked close to in school, but we were always friends and i thought it would be awesome to keep in touch, but never really saw it happening just because it's hard enough keeping in touch with the ones i WAS closest to. but anyway, he ran into me when i was working at the pharmacy this summer and said "hey, we gotta keep in touch," exchanged emails and the like. still, i didn't think much of it, cuz you know how those things go. but recently we have been keeping and touch and are working on hanging out sometime when i am home. so that'll be cool if that goes through.
got another few friends going to the local state universities who are hoping to connect with me but there are only so many days and christmas was crazy enough... but perhaps in my favor will be that it's not a major family holiday, so those that are still in NH won't have too too much else to plan around. we'll see, yeah?
so far, as i said, i only have the 3 events to look forward to for sure, and in my experience, vague tentative plans often fall through and never happen. i am not getting my hopes up for anything, just looking forward to being home with certain people and outside of that, what happens, happens. hopefully it turns out as well as christmas.
"Drink up with me now and forget all about the pressure of days. Do what I say and I'll make you okay and drive them away, the images stuck in your head... ...Drink up, baby, look at the stars. I'll kiss you again, between the bars, where I'm seeing you there, with your hands in the air, waiting to finally be caught."
i have so little keeping me going these day, but ironically i haven't sunk back into deep depression, yet. i guess that is because i do still have a few people making me happy. hopefully i don't lose that influence or i'll start having to reach around for anything to save me from the drowning feeling. i go home again in 9 days. no work, just friends. maybe that is just the re-fuel i need. i am hoping. i need to have motivation to continue to exist.
gotta do my taxes when i am home, since i wont be back again until late april. i am hoping for a refund. who knows maybe i will surpass my state of indecision and use the money for a tattoo or something this summer. i have friends with a similar plan in mind.
also on the agenda for this short vaca is going to visit the massage school that will potentially allow me to take summer courses, and also the one i am thinking of transferring to if i like the field enough to stick with it in the fall as well.
other than that i have little planned. the 12th i am accompanying justin to a ski area supposedly in order to hear a friend of his' band perform. got some valentine's day plans in the works for once. not exactly sure what all that will involve, since the planning is pretty well out of my hands given that i am way out here. i hear something about dinner, which is fine by me. i am easy to please and since all my past relationships have never overlapped valentines day (i was sabotaged once, actually) it will be nice to have something official and fun to look forward to doing
also speaking of food, i am working on lunch plans on the 15th to celebrate my third vegetarian anniversary... figures i'll be home and therefore just as far away from decent veggie-friendly restaurants as i always have been the past two years. perhaps i will have a second belated celebration upon my return to canada... if i can find people to accompany/drive me somewhere. plans for home aren't elaborate since probably only one of my vegetarian friends (and a recently converted one at that) will be available to join me. but again, i am easy to please. will be nice to actually celebrate that day as well in some way other than by myself, at home.
so that is all i got planned with any definance so far. gotta visit my brother at some point and check out the new apartment. if certain geographical factors weren't hindrances, i would be living there with him this summer/fall. i for sure don't wanna have to move back home, but that is at least a temporary inevitability.
also, one of my old high school friends and i have been getting back in touch lately. he's one of those people i was never wicked close to in school, but we were always friends and i thought it would be awesome to keep in touch, but never really saw it happening just because it's hard enough keeping in touch with the ones i WAS closest to. but anyway, he ran into me when i was working at the pharmacy this summer and said "hey, we gotta keep in touch," exchanged emails and the like. still, i didn't think much of it, cuz you know how those things go. but recently we have been keeping and touch and are working on hanging out sometime when i am home. so that'll be cool if that goes through.
got another few friends going to the local state universities who are hoping to connect with me but there are only so many days and christmas was crazy enough... but perhaps in my favor will be that it's not a major family holiday, so those that are still in NH won't have too too much else to plan around. we'll see, yeah?
so far, as i said, i only have the 3 events to look forward to for sure, and in my experience, vague tentative plans often fall through and never happen. i am not getting my hopes up for anything, just looking forward to being home with certain people and outside of that, what happens, happens. hopefully it turns out as well as christmas.
"Drink up with me now and forget all about the pressure of days. Do what I say and I'll make you okay and drive them away, the images stuck in your head... ...Drink up, baby, look at the stars. I'll kiss you again, between the bars, where I'm seeing you there, with your hands in the air, waiting to finally be caught."