Indy via Barbie
I'm allowing 1 "non-friends only" entry. Dont ask for more. It won't happen.
This is too good and strangely accurate, though I dont think of Broad Ripple as being the gay part of town. I dont think Indy has a "gay part of town". Whatever. Point being, it nails most of the major burbs and nitches within Indy.
Compliments of my cousin Dawn. :-)
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Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls
for the Greater Indianapolis market:
"Carmel Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at Clay Terrace shopping center. She
comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired
foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or
without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with
an augmented version.
"Fishers Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan
and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time
occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
"East 10th Street Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis
knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small,
untraceable bills) ...unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you
are talking about.
"Geist Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club
membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
You won't be able to afford any of them.
"Speedway Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a
six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet
and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup
truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
"Downtown Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print
outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet
prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.
"Beech Grove Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken
out of Speedway Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed
jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a
mobile home.
"Broad Ripple Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white
socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken
doll, but if you purchase two Broad Ripple Barbies and the optional Subaru
wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
"38th Street Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were
available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
"Greenwood Barbie"
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's
always out a'huntin'.
"Irvington Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by
simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.
This is too good and strangely accurate, though I dont think of Broad Ripple as being the gay part of town. I dont think Indy has a "gay part of town". Whatever. Point being, it nails most of the major burbs and nitches within Indy.
Compliments of my cousin Dawn. :-)
------------------------------------------
Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls
for the Greater Indianapolis market:
"Carmel Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at Clay Terrace shopping center. She
comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired
foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or
without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with
an augmented version.
"Fishers Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan
and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time
occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
"East 10th Street Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis
knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small,
untraceable bills) ...unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you
are talking about.
"Geist Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club
membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
You won't be able to afford any of them.
"Speedway Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a
six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet
and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup
truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
"Downtown Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print
outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet
prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.
"Beech Grove Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken
out of Speedway Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed
jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a
mobile home.
"Broad Ripple Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white
socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken
doll, but if you purchase two Broad Ripple Barbies and the optional Subaru
wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
"38th Street Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were
available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
"Greenwood Barbie"
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's
always out a'huntin'.
"Irvington Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by
simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.