Will Wonder
Some days I feel like a worthless piece of shit. Like Im never gonna amount to anything and will be a life long dissapointment to my family. But when you are basically told these things at least once a week its hard to blow it all off after awhile. Today I was basically told to move out. Then after 20 minutes of yelling and screaming she told me this was my absolute last warning. Next time I have to pack and get out. Then a few minutes later she comes up to me and says you know you were the main reason I stayed in MI and you no longer are giving me a reason to stay. I swear to you if I had a place to live I would have looked at her and said well since Im such a huge dissapointment to you then pack up and move out west! Im so tired of this. She complains because on my days off I dont think to spend the day with her. Im sorry but we never do anything and when we do by the end of the afternoon Im so irritated with her its not even funny. She just doesnt seem to understand how unfun she is to spend an entire freakin day with. She is fine in small doses. I cant sit on the couch all day and do nothing waiting for her to get home and then sit on the couch and listen to her talk to the dogs all afternoon. Then she gets mad because I do want to take 3 miles walks with her and dogs whenever Im off. Im sorry but I walk around all day at work plus when we go run errands and whatever else. Walking 3 miles with 2 dogs..one that pulls and one that is just annoying no matter what is not something I enjoy doing. She tells me that she is tired of just being a roof over my head and that I dont respect or think about her at all. That if I have a day off my first thought is Cara and how we can spend the day. That if she calls I jump right up. What she doesnt understand is that if I go somewhere or do something its of mutual choice. Its not like she snaps her fingers and I go running. Mom gets mad because I have contact of some kind pretty much every day with cara and I dont see her very often. It all goes back to the fact that I dont enjoy spending a day with her. We always end up getting annoyed with eachother. If I had a place to live forever more I would have been out of here so fast its not even funny. I would be packing right now and would have finished when I got out of work tonight. I just cant keep doing this and going though it all. Im so tired of feeling like my life is falling apart and will never get on track. Im tired of feeling like a piece of shit to my family. Tired of being belittled and treated as though I dont mean anything. Tired of being made feel guitly for things that I should be. Just plain tired of it all!!!