something to leave you with.
*sigh*
It's October 28, 2006.
I'm sitting here, listening to "The Family Stone" DVD menu play in the background... wishing it were closer to christmas. I don't know why. I just do. I think maybe it has something to do with Christmas finally coming back to our house. Since it hasn't been here for Christmas morning in 2 years. That.. and just having this feeling like there's people to share it with. People who care.
So yes, it's almost Halloween, and I wish it were Christmas. But it goes fast, I know it does. November will come and go before I realize it has started.
I have so much work to do. I am behind in senior writing for my research paper that is due the 17th, and the paper that was due friday that I have to turn in monday. I also need to start thinking about our Panel Presenatation for american government. I need to start it now. And the book review, because God knows I won't read the rest of that awful book. But you know, life is good, and these things all seem possible right now.
School is school, right now. Sometimes I wish I had more motivation. More engery to get up in the morning and put some effort in to getting ready and looking nice, like I used to. But nowdays i'm just to tired... and I guess I figure if anyone cares that much about me wearing a sweatshirt and jeans everyday... well, screw them. heh. I also wish I was more motivated to get things done, and be on top of everything.. like I used to be... but I guess that comes with being burnt out on school.
I always find myself saying "hey, it's almost friday"... which is good, I guess.
I have to work today... I don't really mind, I think. I don't have anything better to do, but I'd still much rather be wrapped up in a blanket, watching movies and sleeping on and off. Oh well. There's only one wedding in November. Then I'm pretty much out of a job save for a few parties around Christmas, until March-ish.
March... I will be 18. That is crazy. Ever since I hit 16, I don't feel any older. Every year is just a new "number". I'm the same. Things stay the same.
After touring Central yesterday... I still have mixed feelings about college. Part of me wants to go. Live on my own, experience new things. But still, the majority does not. I like where I am in life. I like this age and what I have going for me. And maybe I'm just a little bit scared. I think that's it.
I have been thinking for a very long time, that I need to go out to see my grandma. It isn't something I like to talk about because... although I am an emotional person, when it comes to things like this, I seem to shut down. I don't feel. But her birthday is coming up on the 6th, I believe... and I think that I should really go to the cemetary. I feel strange asking which one, and where to go... because I don't want my family to come with me. But do I want to go alone? I guess, I do... maybe? I don't know.
This is long. Long but necessary. My LJ reminds me of Dumbledore's pensive. Sometimes I just need to take thoughts and memories and worries out of my head, write them in here... that way I don't need to think about them, and yet... when I want them, they're here. All in order, all in tact.
So, I feel better.
... here's to a night of
a good wedding.
being happy at work.
drinking coke (because it's the only place I will)
making money.
coming home to good old myspace and aim.
cuddling up in bed, day dreaming of possibilities.
life,
in general,
seems damn good to me.
It's October 28, 2006.
I'm sitting here, listening to "The Family Stone" DVD menu play in the background... wishing it were closer to christmas. I don't know why. I just do. I think maybe it has something to do with Christmas finally coming back to our house. Since it hasn't been here for Christmas morning in 2 years. That.. and just having this feeling like there's people to share it with. People who care.
So yes, it's almost Halloween, and I wish it were Christmas. But it goes fast, I know it does. November will come and go before I realize it has started.
I have so much work to do. I am behind in senior writing for my research paper that is due the 17th, and the paper that was due friday that I have to turn in monday. I also need to start thinking about our Panel Presenatation for american government. I need to start it now. And the book review, because God knows I won't read the rest of that awful book. But you know, life is good, and these things all seem possible right now.
School is school, right now. Sometimes I wish I had more motivation. More engery to get up in the morning and put some effort in to getting ready and looking nice, like I used to. But nowdays i'm just to tired... and I guess I figure if anyone cares that much about me wearing a sweatshirt and jeans everyday... well, screw them. heh. I also wish I was more motivated to get things done, and be on top of everything.. like I used to be... but I guess that comes with being burnt out on school.
I always find myself saying "hey, it's almost friday"... which is good, I guess.
I have to work today... I don't really mind, I think. I don't have anything better to do, but I'd still much rather be wrapped up in a blanket, watching movies and sleeping on and off. Oh well. There's only one wedding in November. Then I'm pretty much out of a job save for a few parties around Christmas, until March-ish.
March... I will be 18. That is crazy. Ever since I hit 16, I don't feel any older. Every year is just a new "number". I'm the same. Things stay the same.
After touring Central yesterday... I still have mixed feelings about college. Part of me wants to go. Live on my own, experience new things. But still, the majority does not. I like where I am in life. I like this age and what I have going for me. And maybe I'm just a little bit scared. I think that's it.
I have been thinking for a very long time, that I need to go out to see my grandma. It isn't something I like to talk about because... although I am an emotional person, when it comes to things like this, I seem to shut down. I don't feel. But her birthday is coming up on the 6th, I believe... and I think that I should really go to the cemetary. I feel strange asking which one, and where to go... because I don't want my family to come with me. But do I want to go alone? I guess, I do... maybe? I don't know.
This is long. Long but necessary. My LJ reminds me of Dumbledore's pensive. Sometimes I just need to take thoughts and memories and worries out of my head, write them in here... that way I don't need to think about them, and yet... when I want them, they're here. All in order, all in tact.
So, I feel better.
... here's to a night of
a good wedding.
being happy at work.
drinking coke (because it's the only place I will)
making money.
coming home to good old myspace and aim.
cuddling up in bed, day dreaming of possibilities.
life,
in general,
seems damn good to me.