You have nothing to apologize for. I'm to blame. All this craziness started because I wanted to conceal my identity from the Tin Man fandom and not be viewed as crazy Jae. Then it became a sick condition/addiction that only got worse when people confronted me and as usual for me, I ran and ran. Now I've made it where I'll always be crazy Jae and I've spent the last 24 hours crying and suicidal asking my mom to not hate me if I killed myself. She asked why I wanted to kill myself and I told her that I have no clue as to who I am., that I'm so lost and pushed away everybody. That I'm tired of being in emotional & physical pain. They told me to go to an old journal instead of opening a new one.They paid for a name change and told me not to use my real name. My mother has been sitting down with me and helping me with which characters I'm like so I never have to fill out another application. I still want to open new journals and I have no idea why. I can't get help because the govenor took away a lot of rights to the mentally ill. I can't pay $100 a day to be in a pysch ward no matter how much I need it. I'm sure if I was more free that I would destruct by going out to a bar and drinking or something but I don't drive and like heck my dad would drive me to a bar. I guess maybe I saw this as a way to feed self destructive tendancies. I am sorry that I've hurt people even if it doesn't show. I just don't recognize this person I've become so bitter & sad. I make no excuses for my actions because I just don't know why I did/do it.
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through. :( That sounds so terrible. Just hang in there, okay? You're a wonderful person and you deserve to be happy.
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I hope everything turns out good for you.
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