Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug…
…and guess which one I am? I'll give you a little hint: SPLAT!
GAH! This ficathon assignment is KILLING me! (Procrastinator, thy name is Sweetness.) I've got the idea, just have to get my muse back and write it. Oh, look, there he is! ABOUT FUCKING TIME!
Title: Conversations with Mr. Sark
Author: Sweetness
Fandom: Alias… sorta…
Rating: PG-13 to soft R (for now) for language and sexual content. Oh, and some… inappropriate touching in the future :D.
Warning: What lies behind the cut is rife with insanity, silliness, and cursing. Neither Sweetness nor Sark are responsible for any damage (property, emotional, or otherwise) that ensues after reading this (such as spitting out a beverage onto one's keyboard).
Disclaimer: Just borrowing Sark for a little snark and silliness, JJ, I promise. *crosses fingers behind back*
Summary: Another part of plain silliness and snark from me that I can't even believe I wrote.
A/N: This is another part of something some of you may remember me writing a little while ago. Like I said before, this is just something for me to pass the time with. I tried my best to be funny, but we'll see. This isn't really a fanfic, especially since it's written in a script-like format (not to mention interaction between a real person and an unfortunately fictional character), but I don't know how else to categorize this. Whatever. Try to enjoy a little peek inside my twisted mind. If you haven't read any yet, please follow the convenient link below (link opens in a new window). And for those of you who have read, you might want to look at the end of the previous part, as I added a little retarded hilarious thingie to the end.
Part 1
Sweetness: JULIAN, JULIAN, WHERE FOR ART THOU, JULIAN!? I NEED YOU HERE RIGHT NOW! THIS THING IS NOT GOING TO WRITE ITSELF!
Sark: *comes ambling in the door* You rang?
Sweetness: If I weren't afraid you'd kill me, I'd THROTTLE you! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!?
Sark: *throws irritated look towards Sweetness* As I told you before, I went on holiday!
Sweetness: No, you abandoned me!
Sark: No, I did not!
Sweetness: Oh, right! You decided to conveniently go *says with finger quotes* "on holiday," when I'm in the middle of a story AND I have a ficathon assignment due on September 1st! And you don't call that *says with finger quotes* "abandonment?" *says slowly and drawn out* You. Ass.
Sark: *sighs irritatedly* Excuse me for trying to make your life easier!
Sweetness: *VERY incensed* EXCUSE ME!? You were trying to make my life easier BY LEAVING!?
Sark: Yes, of course! You were dealing with Summer School, Senior Pictures, and the start of your Senior year! I thought it best that I not distract you from the important stuff in your life!
Sweetness: You don't get it, do you? Writing's important to me, too! Especially when someone's depending on me to write a story for them, and when I have an ongoing story that has some most-likely-peeved readers who are not-so-patiently awaiting an update! I've probably lost readers BECAUSE you tried to *says sarcastically with finger quotes* "make my life easier."
Sark: *rakes hand through gorgeously curly hair* Well, I tried to make you happy by staying around, and you told me to go away. I go away on holiday to make your life easier, but you didn't like that, either! I'm not a bloody mind-reader! What the bloody hell do you want from me!?
Sweetness: What I want from you is for you to cooperate and not abandon me when I need you the most! *looks shocked*
Sark: *looks just as shocked as Sweetness* *softens a bit* *nibbles bottom lip* *takes a couple slinking steps towards Sweetness* *suggestie voice* You need me?
Sweetness: *watches Sark nibble his bottom lip* *snaps out of trance* Of course I need you. *shrugs* You're my muse.
Sark: *suggestive voice* Is that all you need me for?
Sweetness: No, of course not. You're my constant source of witty banter and amusement. *adds on embarrassedly* And you're rather easy on the eyes. *looks away*
Sark: *smirks cocky smirk* Of course.
Sweetness: *blushes* *turns around* *mutters in slightly amused tone with a slight smile* Cocky bastard.
Sark: *smirk deepens* *sexy voice* Oh, but I'm not a cocky bastard without good reason, dear Sweetness.
Sweetness: *turns back around* *raises eyebrow* *says slightly drawn out* Oh, really?
Sark: *still smirking* *still using sexy voice* Oh, yes. [that just sounds so wrong, but oh-so right]
Sweetness: *blush deepens* *clears throat* I'm still mad at you, y'know.
Sark: *looks unconvinced* *still smirking* *still using suggestive voice* Of course you are.
Sweetness: *sighs through nose* Let's just move on, shall we? We will be talking about this later.
Sark: *smirk leaves* [finally!] *sighs slightly defeated sigh* I thought I had sufficiently distracted you.
Sweetness: *smirks* Julian, Julian, when will you ever learn? Remember our last conversation? You distracting me? Nnnnnnnnotsomuch.
Sark: *smirks slightly* Ah, I should have known you would remember that.
Sweetness: Yes, you should have. I have a very long memory for victories, as they are so few and far between. So, I doubt I'll be forgetting that anytime soon.
Sark: *says in matter-of-fact voice* Of course.
Sweetness: Yes. So, how about we get crackin' on that ficathon assignment?
Sark: *pouts slightly*
Sweetness: *melts a little bit* *scoffs* I have a deadline for the ficathon story, otherwise I would've suggested "Finger Paints and Poison Ivy."
Sark: *still pouting* You're no fun.
Sweetness: *rolls eyes* *says in sarcastic voice* Oh, yes, I'm such a hard mistress! I let you lay out in the sun all day, despite my warnings on how dangerous it is, I let you spend as much time as you want in my bathroom, I let you drive my car anytime you want *Sark snorts*, I buy Chateau Petrus for you! Yes, such a hardship to work with me!
Sark: But I just got back...
Sweetness: Yeah, so? It's not my fault you decided to take an impromptu, extended *says with finger quotes* "holiday," despite your insistence that it was for my welfare.
Sark: *realizes he can't get out of this without threatening Sweetness with a gun* *quiet, relenting voice* Okay.
Sweetness: *fake, syrupy smile* *condescending tone* Now that wasn't so hard, was it?
Sark: *throws icy glare towards Sweetness*
Sweetness: *sighs overdramatic sigh* Fine, go and ruin my fun.
Sark: *smirks* Oh, but I live to ruin your fun!
Sweetness: *laughs despite self* Oh, how I've missed you.
Sark: *still smirking* Of course you missed me. What fun would your life be without me?
Sweetness: *fakes considering point briefly* You're right. *ignores Sark's smirk* My life wouldn't be fun. BUT, it sure would be a helluva lot easier!
Sark: *bored expression* *haughty voice* I highly doubt that.
Sweetness: *smiles impish smile* You would.
Sark: Oh, you will PAY for that.
Sweetness: *giggles* *says as running away* Not if you can't catch me!
Sark: *gives chase*
TBC…
*cue lamely dramtic announcer and soap-y music* Next time on "Conversations with Mr. Sark": Will Sweetness and Sark ever give into their passion and kiss? Will Sydney ever turn up? Will Sweetness EVER get any writing done? Stay tuned for the next part of "Conversations with Mr. Sark." Today's part was brought to you by Evian-the bottled water of cocky British bastards, Sig Seuger and Beretta-the guns of spies, and by the number 4. Stay tuned for your local news.
*snorts* Well, that certainly went better than my last convo with him!
If you haven't watched the latest "Access Hollywood," you've missed out! One of the bloopers that showed on "Access Hollywood" was the one where JG and MGD were going in for a fake kiss! TWICE!!!!!!!!!! EW!!!!!!!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!! BLIND ME!!!!!!!!! WHY THE FUCK DID THEY HAVE TO SHOW THAT ONE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? One of the other ones with JG and VG in the Rotunda was really funny and disturbing at the same time. "Let me show you something." *hears zipper being unzipped* *hears giggles from cast and crew*
Lyrics portion! I REALLY love this song. My fav George Harrison song. I feel a little bit hypocritical for putting this song in the same post with the F-bomb, though.
"My Sweet Lord" by George Harrison
My sweet lord
Hmm, my lord
Hmm, my lord
I really want to see you
Really want to be with you
Really want to see you lord
But it takes so long, my lord
My sweet lord
Hmm, my lord
Hmm, my lord
I really want to know you
Really want to go with you
Really want to show you lord
That it won't take long, my lord (hallelujah)
My sweet lord (hallelujah)
Hmm, my lord (hallelujah)
My sweet lord (hallelujah)
I really want to see you
Really want to see you
Really want to see you, lord
Really want to see you, lord
But it takes so long, my lord (hallelujah)
My sweet lord (hallelujah)
Hmm, my lord (hallelujah)
My, my, my lord (hallelujah)
I really want to know you (hallelujah)
Really want to go with you (hallelujah)
Really want to show you lord (aaah)
That it won't take long, my lord (hallelujah)
Hmm (hallelujah)
My sweet lord (hallelujah)
My, my, lord (hallelujah)
Hmm, my lord (hare krishna)
My, my, my lord (hare krishna)
Oh hmm, my sweet lord (krishna, krishna)
Oh-uuh-uh (hare hare)
Now, I really want to see you (hare rama)
Really want to be with you (hare rama)
Really want to see you lord (aaah)
But it takes so long, my lord (hallelujah)
Hmm, my lord (hallelujah)
My, my, my lord (hare krishna)
My sweet lord (hare krishna)
My sweet lord (krishna krishna)
My lord (hare hare)
Hmm, hmm (Gurur Brahma)
Hmm, hmm (Gurur Vishnu)
Hmm, hmm (Gurur Devo)
Hmm, hmm (Maheshwara)
My sweet lord (Gurur Sakshaat)
My sweet lord (Parabrahma)
My, my, my lord (Tasmayi Shree)
My, my, my, my lord (Guruve Namah)
My sweet lord (Hare Rama)
[fade:]
(hare krishna)
My sweet lord (hare krishna)
My sweet lord (krishna krishna)
My lord (hare hare)
Sweetness
GAH! This ficathon assignment is KILLING me! (Procrastinator, thy name is Sweetness.) I've got the idea, just have to get my muse back and write it. Oh, look, there he is! ABOUT FUCKING TIME!
Title: Conversations with Mr. Sark
Author: Sweetness
Fandom: Alias… sorta…
Rating: PG-13 to soft R (for now) for language and sexual content. Oh, and some… inappropriate touching in the future :D.
Warning: What lies behind the cut is rife with insanity, silliness, and cursing. Neither Sweetness nor Sark are responsible for any damage (property, emotional, or otherwise) that ensues after reading this (such as spitting out a beverage onto one's keyboard).
Disclaimer: Just borrowing Sark for a little snark and silliness, JJ, I promise. *crosses fingers behind back*
Summary: Another part of plain silliness and snark from me that I can't even believe I wrote.
A/N: This is another part of something some of you may remember me writing a little while ago. Like I said before, this is just something for me to pass the time with. I tried my best to be funny, but we'll see. This isn't really a fanfic, especially since it's written in a script-like format (not to mention interaction between a real person and an unfortunately fictional character), but I don't know how else to categorize this. Whatever. Try to enjoy a little peek inside my twisted mind. If you haven't read any yet, please follow the convenient link below (link opens in a new window). And for those of you who have read, you might want to look at the end of the previous part, as I added a little retarded hilarious thingie to the end.
Part 1
Sweetness: JULIAN, JULIAN, WHERE FOR ART THOU, JULIAN!? I NEED YOU HERE RIGHT NOW! THIS THING IS NOT GOING TO WRITE ITSELF!
Sark: *comes ambling in the door* You rang?
Sweetness: If I weren't afraid you'd kill me, I'd THROTTLE you! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!?
Sark: *throws irritated look towards Sweetness* As I told you before, I went on holiday!
Sweetness: No, you abandoned me!
Sark: No, I did not!
Sweetness: Oh, right! You decided to conveniently go *says with finger quotes* "on holiday," when I'm in the middle of a story AND I have a ficathon assignment due on September 1st! And you don't call that *says with finger quotes* "abandonment?" *says slowly and drawn out* You. Ass.
Sark: *sighs irritatedly* Excuse me for trying to make your life easier!
Sweetness: *VERY incensed* EXCUSE ME!? You were trying to make my life easier BY LEAVING!?
Sark: Yes, of course! You were dealing with Summer School, Senior Pictures, and the start of your Senior year! I thought it best that I not distract you from the important stuff in your life!
Sweetness: You don't get it, do you? Writing's important to me, too! Especially when someone's depending on me to write a story for them, and when I have an ongoing story that has some most-likely-peeved readers who are not-so-patiently awaiting an update! I've probably lost readers BECAUSE you tried to *says sarcastically with finger quotes* "make my life easier."
Sark: *rakes hand through gorgeously curly hair* Well, I tried to make you happy by staying around, and you told me to go away. I go away on holiday to make your life easier, but you didn't like that, either! I'm not a bloody mind-reader! What the bloody hell do you want from me!?
Sweetness: What I want from you is for you to cooperate and not abandon me when I need you the most! *looks shocked*
Sark: *looks just as shocked as Sweetness* *softens a bit* *nibbles bottom lip* *takes a couple slinking steps towards Sweetness* *suggestie voice* You need me?
Sweetness: *watches Sark nibble his bottom lip* *snaps out of trance* Of course I need you. *shrugs* You're my muse.
Sark: *suggestive voice* Is that all you need me for?
Sweetness: No, of course not. You're my constant source of witty banter and amusement. *adds on embarrassedly* And you're rather easy on the eyes. *looks away*
Sark: *smirks cocky smirk* Of course.
Sweetness: *blushes* *turns around* *mutters in slightly amused tone with a slight smile* Cocky bastard.
Sark: *smirk deepens* *sexy voice* Oh, but I'm not a cocky bastard without good reason, dear Sweetness.
Sweetness: *turns back around* *raises eyebrow* *says slightly drawn out* Oh, really?
Sark: *still smirking* *still using sexy voice* Oh, yes. [that just sounds so wrong, but oh-so right]
Sweetness: *blush deepens* *clears throat* I'm still mad at you, y'know.
Sark: *looks unconvinced* *still smirking* *still using suggestive voice* Of course you are.
Sweetness: *sighs through nose* Let's just move on, shall we? We will be talking about this later.
Sark: *smirk leaves* [finally!] *sighs slightly defeated sigh* I thought I had sufficiently distracted you.
Sweetness: *smirks* Julian, Julian, when will you ever learn? Remember our last conversation? You distracting me? Nnnnnnnnotsomuch.
Sark: *smirks slightly* Ah, I should have known you would remember that.
Sweetness: Yes, you should have. I have a very long memory for victories, as they are so few and far between. So, I doubt I'll be forgetting that anytime soon.
Sark: *says in matter-of-fact voice* Of course.
Sweetness: Yes. So, how about we get crackin' on that ficathon assignment?
Sark: *pouts slightly*
Sweetness: *melts a little bit* *scoffs* I have a deadline for the ficathon story, otherwise I would've suggested "Finger Paints and Poison Ivy."
Sark: *still pouting* You're no fun.
Sweetness: *rolls eyes* *says in sarcastic voice* Oh, yes, I'm such a hard mistress! I let you lay out in the sun all day, despite my warnings on how dangerous it is, I let you spend as much time as you want in my bathroom, I let you drive my car anytime you want *Sark snorts*, I buy Chateau Petrus for you! Yes, such a hardship to work with me!
Sark: But I just got back...
Sweetness: Yeah, so? It's not my fault you decided to take an impromptu, extended *says with finger quotes* "holiday," despite your insistence that it was for my welfare.
Sark: *realizes he can't get out of this without threatening Sweetness with a gun* *quiet, relenting voice* Okay.
Sweetness: *fake, syrupy smile* *condescending tone* Now that wasn't so hard, was it?
Sark: *throws icy glare towards Sweetness*
Sweetness: *sighs overdramatic sigh* Fine, go and ruin my fun.
Sark: *smirks* Oh, but I live to ruin your fun!
Sweetness: *laughs despite self* Oh, how I've missed you.
Sark: *still smirking* Of course you missed me. What fun would your life be without me?
Sweetness: *fakes considering point briefly* You're right. *ignores Sark's smirk* My life wouldn't be fun. BUT, it sure would be a helluva lot easier!
Sark: *bored expression* *haughty voice* I highly doubt that.
Sweetness: *smiles impish smile* You would.
Sark: Oh, you will PAY for that.
Sweetness: *giggles* *says as running away* Not if you can't catch me!
Sark: *gives chase*
TBC…
*cue lamely dramtic announcer and soap-y music* Next time on "Conversations with Mr. Sark": Will Sweetness and Sark ever give into their passion and kiss? Will Sydney ever turn up? Will Sweetness EVER get any writing done? Stay tuned for the next part of "Conversations with Mr. Sark." Today's part was brought to you by Evian-the bottled water of cocky British bastards, Sig Seuger and Beretta-the guns of spies, and by the number 4. Stay tuned for your local news.
*snorts* Well, that certainly went better than my last convo with him!
If you haven't watched the latest "Access Hollywood," you've missed out! One of the bloopers that showed on "Access Hollywood" was the one where JG and MGD were going in for a fake kiss! TWICE!!!!!!!!!! EW!!!!!!!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!! BLIND ME!!!!!!!!! WHY THE FUCK DID THEY HAVE TO SHOW THAT ONE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? One of the other ones with JG and VG in the Rotunda was really funny and disturbing at the same time. "Let me show you something." *hears zipper being unzipped* *hears giggles from cast and crew*
Lyrics portion! I REALLY love this song. My fav George Harrison song. I feel a little bit hypocritical for putting this song in the same post with the F-bomb, though.
"My Sweet Lord" by George Harrison
My sweet lord
Hmm, my lord
Hmm, my lord
I really want to see you
Really want to be with you
Really want to see you lord
But it takes so long, my lord
My sweet lord
Hmm, my lord
Hmm, my lord
I really want to know you
Really want to go with you
Really want to show you lord
That it won't take long, my lord (hallelujah)
My sweet lord (hallelujah)
Hmm, my lord (hallelujah)
My sweet lord (hallelujah)
I really want to see you
Really want to see you
Really want to see you, lord
Really want to see you, lord
But it takes so long, my lord (hallelujah)
My sweet lord (hallelujah)
Hmm, my lord (hallelujah)
My, my, my lord (hallelujah)
I really want to know you (hallelujah)
Really want to go with you (hallelujah)
Really want to show you lord (aaah)
That it won't take long, my lord (hallelujah)
Hmm (hallelujah)
My sweet lord (hallelujah)
My, my, lord (hallelujah)
Hmm, my lord (hare krishna)
My, my, my lord (hare krishna)
Oh hmm, my sweet lord (krishna, krishna)
Oh-uuh-uh (hare hare)
Now, I really want to see you (hare rama)
Really want to be with you (hare rama)
Really want to see you lord (aaah)
But it takes so long, my lord (hallelujah)
Hmm, my lord (hallelujah)
My, my, my lord (hare krishna)
My sweet lord (hare krishna)
My sweet lord (krishna krishna)
My lord (hare hare)
Hmm, hmm (Gurur Brahma)
Hmm, hmm (Gurur Vishnu)
Hmm, hmm (Gurur Devo)
Hmm, hmm (Maheshwara)
My sweet lord (Gurur Sakshaat)
My sweet lord (Parabrahma)
My, my, my lord (Tasmayi Shree)
My, my, my, my lord (Guruve Namah)
My sweet lord (Hare Rama)
[fade:]
(hare krishna)
My sweet lord (hare krishna)
My sweet lord (krishna krishna)
My lord (hare hare)
Sweetness