much needed venting
ok well hmm what do you do when you had a chance with someone a long time ago but didnt take it but still had mega feelings for that person, years go by, you date their brother break up stay really really good best friends and yet still have feelings for the other person...a few years go by now you think you're friendship is getting stronger but they're going out with someone else...seem totally happy and yet it kills you every time you talk to them and you know you cant have him. feelings arent easy to get over no matter how much time has gone by. i know i make no sense at all but i do to myself. i've given him hints and told him he should date me but i dated his brother and i know that no matter what you dont put brothers against each other and i dunno i just really want to get rid of these feelings. i hate them and i want them to die. feelings suck.i have no one to talk to well i've already talked to one person and i dont want this to be a big deal and i know he's gonna read this and be like wtf. i should just be like hey this is whats going on this is how i feel i'm sorry whatever and not be all i dunno. i like him i like him a lot and i regret not taking that chance and running with it so long ago. i honestly with all my heart wish i would have but unfortunately without oprah wishes dont come true. i love that he's happy and i guess thats what matters. but it really kills me and oh man i think i'm gonna cry son of mother nature i hate being an emo kid. i just think of the times when i was with him and all i can remember is just smiling and feeling so good and happy and such and i imagine being with him, hanging out, kissing him, just looking at him and knowing that i'm so special cuz he's by my side, listening to finch for endless hours ha, having him play some finch songs with his guitar cuz he knows i'm a sucker for it. damn damn damn why didnt i take that chance??? that is my biggest regret in life and it always will be cuz i'll never ever have that chance ever again. its gone forever. and all i can do is sit here crying like the hugest loser knowing it'll never happen. and as far as him reading this, i'm sorry. i never wanted you to know this. yes its something i've felt for a while but i never wanted to tell you cuz if i did then i would just get my hopes up and thats just not possible so please just disreguard this. i just needed to get my feelings out and i fear by doing this that you'll look at me differently and wont wanna talk to me anymore cuz you wont know how to handle it or whatnot. i would rather have you in my life as a friend or in this case husband haha wonderful by the way, than not in my life at all. i dont wanna screw anything up by doing this and i hope to god that i dont, its just something i wanted to say so i figured i'd write it in here and then realized after i wrote the beginning that you would probably read this and i'll probably chicken out and not post this yupp ok that what i'm gonna go i'm not even gonna post this. ok maybe i dunno yet. the truth always has consequences and these ones could be very bad. i could lose 2 of the greatest friendships i've ever had but i could also keep this in and have it eat me up for the rest of my life. hmmm not sure. but i do have a few songs that remind me of you and this whole situation so i hope you listen to them but you prolly wont and thats fine too...
*all finch just cuz i love finch and you love finch and we all love finch
(especially letters to you and stay with me)
*matchbook romance-my eyes burn, stay tonight, greatest fall of all time and it reminds me of warped tour when i really really wanted to see them and you and joel went over there and stood there so i could see them. i'll thank both of you forever for that!!!
*allister-cuz that was soooo cool to talk to them and i was with you guys and it was so beyond cool mmhmm
*avenged sevenfold- had it not been for you i wouldnt have saw them at warped and they wouldnt have become one of my many faves.
*american hi-fi- flavor of the week (just cuz)
and like so many more but i'll be done now
well its like 10:30, i'm gonna get some food cuz i'm a fat kid and then watch some degrassi and fall asleep. i hope i dont hurt anyone or make anyone mad by writing this. its just my thoughts and feelings nothing more. i dont intend to do anything by this, i just needed to get it out cuz i've been thinking about it a lot lately. well mmhmm okay goodnight and sweet dreams.
*all finch just cuz i love finch and you love finch and we all love finch
(especially letters to you and stay with me)
*matchbook romance-my eyes burn, stay tonight, greatest fall of all time and it reminds me of warped tour when i really really wanted to see them and you and joel went over there and stood there so i could see them. i'll thank both of you forever for that!!!
*allister-cuz that was soooo cool to talk to them and i was with you guys and it was so beyond cool mmhmm
*avenged sevenfold- had it not been for you i wouldnt have saw them at warped and they wouldnt have become one of my many faves.
*american hi-fi- flavor of the week (just cuz)
and like so many more but i'll be done now
well its like 10:30, i'm gonna get some food cuz i'm a fat kid and then watch some degrassi and fall asleep. i hope i dont hurt anyone or make anyone mad by writing this. its just my thoughts and feelings nothing more. i dont intend to do anything by this, i just needed to get it out cuz i've been thinking about it a lot lately. well mmhmm okay goodnight and sweet dreams.