(no subject)
I have no idea why I update this thing any more, 80% of the people who read it I havent talked to in atleast a year.
Im not gonna lie I am feeling priety freaking worthless right now. I think these past couple of weeks have been the worst I have ever felt. so after loosing BOTH of my jobs I am now a nannie for these 2 kids (10 monhs and 2 yrs) till friday. I just quit cause I couldn't stand it any more. I wan working 9 and a half hours straight with out a break just sitting in their house watching rugrats and being yelled at by a smart ass two year old. And then by the time I get home I am way too tire to do anything. (I am shooting my self in the foot right now by stil being awake.)
I really only have two or three people I can still call my friends (and I met them after high schol) I kno I know it happens to everyone. I just miss how things used to be, then at the same time I don't (every time I see someone from high school I can feel my confience shrink down to nothing, like I have to jump up and dow screaming "why won't you notice me, I'm right in front of you." and I know its all in my head but I just can't turn it off. (but there were still alot of time and peaple I miss) I haven't seen Sam or Alyssa in about 4 months, ad I know that they have alot of their own shit to deal with, but I can't help but take it personally, and no matter how many times I try and tell them "I really need my friends right now" they just don't care. (I need to turn off my insecurities)
and now for the kicker... I finally decided to go away to school ( I applied to new Paltz for early childhood education) but I got to be kidding my self if I think I am going to get in. Because I have been a slacker (as far as school goes) I only have 27.5 colege credis, to transfer i need 45. so they said to send my high school transcript as well. and they will look it over... UGH why must they tourcher me why couldn't they just say you need moe credits, apply for january... but Instead I have to wait three weeks with a little glimmer of hope that they might let me in.
I can't stay home till january... I need to go away now... I have nothing going for me here... I just want to get out and meet new people and start over!!!
Im not gonna lie I am feeling priety freaking worthless right now. I think these past couple of weeks have been the worst I have ever felt. so after loosing BOTH of my jobs I am now a nannie for these 2 kids (10 monhs and 2 yrs) till friday. I just quit cause I couldn't stand it any more. I wan working 9 and a half hours straight with out a break just sitting in their house watching rugrats and being yelled at by a smart ass two year old. And then by the time I get home I am way too tire to do anything. (I am shooting my self in the foot right now by stil being awake.)
I really only have two or three people I can still call my friends (and I met them after high schol) I kno I know it happens to everyone. I just miss how things used to be, then at the same time I don't (every time I see someone from high school I can feel my confience shrink down to nothing, like I have to jump up and dow screaming "why won't you notice me, I'm right in front of you." and I know its all in my head but I just can't turn it off. (but there were still alot of time and peaple I miss) I haven't seen Sam or Alyssa in about 4 months, ad I know that they have alot of their own shit to deal with, but I can't help but take it personally, and no matter how many times I try and tell them "I really need my friends right now" they just don't care. (I need to turn off my insecurities)
and now for the kicker... I finally decided to go away to school ( I applied to new Paltz for early childhood education) but I got to be kidding my self if I think I am going to get in. Because I have been a slacker (as far as school goes) I only have 27.5 colege credis, to transfer i need 45. so they said to send my high school transcript as well. and they will look it over... UGH why must they tourcher me why couldn't they just say you need moe credits, apply for january... but Instead I have to wait three weeks with a little glimmer of hope that they might let me in.
I can't stay home till january... I need to go away now... I have nothing going for me here... I just want to get out and meet new people and start over!!!