I know I should be grateful, but.
But I just feel so depressed. And I'm angry, so so angry! It doesn't seem fair..we were supposed to have a great life together...make all our friends jealous and be happy. We had it all.. or everything I could have wanted.
We've lost SO much in our marriage... it's been so hard. It's like one thing after the other just trying to push us apart. We fight so much, argue so much, get frustrated with each other SO much...and we forget that we're just overloaded with everything we've had to deal with. We have to remind ourselves that we've been through, in two years, what some married couples don't have to deal with in 10.
Sometimes..it's so overwhelming. It comes in waves and I miss everything all at once. I miss my house..having all that space and a yard. I miss my dog Lexi. She was my present from my husband..I had wanted a pitbull puppy ever since my older brother got Halo and I fell in love. When we were looking we went to Petsmart to look to adopt because we didn't believe in buying animals. There weren't any pits so we were walking out and just last minute by chance... a truck pulled in and I said, "Look at that beautiful pitbull!" My husband said.. look at the puppies!" I called dibs on the only girl before they even made it inside. It seemed like God put her into our lives. And it sometimes raises the question of..why did He put her into our lives just to take her out. We were supposed to be able to take care of her... we got her because we had a house and a yard... she was MY BABY. Then my husband got laid off and we had to move and couldn't take her with us. She's still with my parents in law and I miss her so much..there's just this hole where she used to be in my heart.
I miss my friends... I miss them so much it kills me. I had the best friends. Mari was amazing. I wish I took the time to see her more when I still could. I didn't get to be there when she got married... I hate that... Even if it wasn't a formal thing. I miss being able to get mad at my husband and go to her place. I miss being able to call someone to go hang with. I miss being in a place that's familiar. I miss not feeling lonely.
I miss my family...and as odd as that sounds.. I do. My mom and I have become such good friends since I got married. That's something I've wanted my whole life. Now that I have it.. I can't be near her. I can't see her and do the things I want to do with her that I never did. I miss my little brother.. he just graduated and I wasn't there. He's going off to college soon and I wont be there for that either. I still can't believe we don't have our old house anymore.. and I can't believe we don't have our dog Rummy anymore and I never got to say good bye to her either.
I miss Georgia. I miss Alpharetta. I KNEW Alpharetta... I knew Windward. I loved it there so much. I loved how it could rain for a week and you'd just feel lazy and not as rushed or pressured. I loved how you could sleep to huge thunderstorms. Texas doesn't have those.. they have a thunderstorm and two hours later it's dry or calm again. It's sunny in hours. I hate it! I miss rainy weather! I miss it all so much.
It all just comes in waves and if I let myself.. I could just sit here crying for hours and hours. I get so depressed it feels like someone is choking me.
I know how blessed I am to have such a beautiful apartment right now.. and live in a nice place... I know how wonderful it is that we're finally not borrowing money from family... I know that we have our cats... I know that at least we have jobs.. etcetc I just feel like so much was taken from me.
We've lost SO much in our marriage... it's been so hard. It's like one thing after the other just trying to push us apart. We fight so much, argue so much, get frustrated with each other SO much...and we forget that we're just overloaded with everything we've had to deal with. We have to remind ourselves that we've been through, in two years, what some married couples don't have to deal with in 10.
Sometimes..it's so overwhelming. It comes in waves and I miss everything all at once. I miss my house..having all that space and a yard. I miss my dog Lexi. She was my present from my husband..I had wanted a pitbull puppy ever since my older brother got Halo and I fell in love. When we were looking we went to Petsmart to look to adopt because we didn't believe in buying animals. There weren't any pits so we were walking out and just last minute by chance... a truck pulled in and I said, "Look at that beautiful pitbull!" My husband said.. look at the puppies!" I called dibs on the only girl before they even made it inside. It seemed like God put her into our lives. And it sometimes raises the question of..why did He put her into our lives just to take her out. We were supposed to be able to take care of her... we got her because we had a house and a yard... she was MY BABY. Then my husband got laid off and we had to move and couldn't take her with us. She's still with my parents in law and I miss her so much..there's just this hole where she used to be in my heart.
I miss my friends... I miss them so much it kills me. I had the best friends. Mari was amazing. I wish I took the time to see her more when I still could. I didn't get to be there when she got married... I hate that... Even if it wasn't a formal thing. I miss being able to get mad at my husband and go to her place. I miss being able to call someone to go hang with. I miss being in a place that's familiar. I miss not feeling lonely.
I miss my family...and as odd as that sounds.. I do. My mom and I have become such good friends since I got married. That's something I've wanted my whole life. Now that I have it.. I can't be near her. I can't see her and do the things I want to do with her that I never did. I miss my little brother.. he just graduated and I wasn't there. He's going off to college soon and I wont be there for that either. I still can't believe we don't have our old house anymore.. and I can't believe we don't have our dog Rummy anymore and I never got to say good bye to her either.
I miss Georgia. I miss Alpharetta. I KNEW Alpharetta... I knew Windward. I loved it there so much. I loved how it could rain for a week and you'd just feel lazy and not as rushed or pressured. I loved how you could sleep to huge thunderstorms. Texas doesn't have those.. they have a thunderstorm and two hours later it's dry or calm again. It's sunny in hours. I hate it! I miss rainy weather! I miss it all so much.
It all just comes in waves and if I let myself.. I could just sit here crying for hours and hours. I get so depressed it feels like someone is choking me.
I know how blessed I am to have such a beautiful apartment right now.. and live in a nice place... I know how wonderful it is that we're finally not borrowing money from family... I know that we have our cats... I know that at least we have jobs.. etcetc I just feel like so much was taken from me.