Loving Nerd Community
I love my Caldaria Clan. Emphasis on L O V E.
I'm dealing with a lot of male "issues" in my life, which makes things hard.
My dad lied, cheated, lied again, broke my heart, quiality time with him isn't so quality, see a previous posting rant for more information. He just frustrates me, makes me sad, feel forgotten, neglected, and not good enough.
Brother--lies, steals, light verbal abuse (sadly, I've been dealing with this since I was about 6-7 years old, and I'm "used" to it, it's nothing new), steals, treats his body like garbage, steals, lies, lies, lies, makes me feel violated (I have to hide my purse/wallet. Just found the key to the lock on my door, that's a step.)
I can't trust the two men in my life that I'm supposed to rely on unconditionally. I love them, but don't trust. I want to, more than anything, and that's what gets me in the most trouble, the most heartbreak. I feel so let down, so emotionally abandoned by both significant men in my life. Helllloooo, complex. :-/
You could say I'm a trusting person, almost naive in a lot of ways. This is both a good and bad quality. I want to love and be loved, I want to trust and be trusted, and when I feel I can't do that, it breaks my heart. I feel so let down by both of them. And I'm one that tends to bottle up my emotions since I've grown up being the kid that was "okay" and didn't need any special attention (Ian had ADHD/lying/stealing issues, Lara had her learning issues. I was an A and B student, who didn't have any outward "problems.")
My view on things: everyone else's problems are worse than mine, so I've been "programmed" to not talk to others about things (even though I may want to) because I don't want to burden others, and I would rather help others with their issues. I'm a giver...which is very much a double-edged sword. I'm used to covering up, and crying in private.
That's where my sweet band of nerds comes in. The men there, they are amazing. I feel so loved, cherished, and part of something great. They are honest, funny, kind, reliable people. I think I'd crumble into a pile of Melissa-goo if I hadn't found larping (thanks to my darling eris_means_well). I get so much love and hugs and reliability at game. And I also love my Larper Ladies. I have found the most phenomenal group of people, people I will be friends with for the remainder of my life.
I feel so blessed with all of them. eris_means_well, sistahraven, and I'm slowly getting to know cavesean a bit better...these people are amazing. I've never felt so loved or cared about in my life.
I'm dealing with a lot of male "issues" in my life, which makes things hard.
My dad lied, cheated, lied again, broke my heart, quiality time with him isn't so quality, see a previous posting rant for more information. He just frustrates me, makes me sad, feel forgotten, neglected, and not good enough.
Brother--lies, steals, light verbal abuse (sadly, I've been dealing with this since I was about 6-7 years old, and I'm "used" to it, it's nothing new), steals, treats his body like garbage, steals, lies, lies, lies, makes me feel violated (I have to hide my purse/wallet. Just found the key to the lock on my door, that's a step.)
I can't trust the two men in my life that I'm supposed to rely on unconditionally. I love them, but don't trust. I want to, more than anything, and that's what gets me in the most trouble, the most heartbreak. I feel so let down, so emotionally abandoned by both significant men in my life. Helllloooo, complex. :-/
You could say I'm a trusting person, almost naive in a lot of ways. This is both a good and bad quality. I want to love and be loved, I want to trust and be trusted, and when I feel I can't do that, it breaks my heart. I feel so let down by both of them. And I'm one that tends to bottle up my emotions since I've grown up being the kid that was "okay" and didn't need any special attention (Ian had ADHD/lying/stealing issues, Lara had her learning issues. I was an A and B student, who didn't have any outward "problems.")
My view on things: everyone else's problems are worse than mine, so I've been "programmed" to not talk to others about things (even though I may want to) because I don't want to burden others, and I would rather help others with their issues. I'm a giver...which is very much a double-edged sword. I'm used to covering up, and crying in private.
That's where my sweet band of nerds comes in. The men there, they are amazing. I feel so loved, cherished, and part of something great. They are honest, funny, kind, reliable people. I think I'd crumble into a pile of Melissa-goo if I hadn't found larping (thanks to my darling eris_means_well). I get so much love and hugs and reliability at game. And I also love my Larper Ladies. I have found the most phenomenal group of people, people I will be friends with for the remainder of my life.
I feel so blessed with all of them. eris_means_well, sistahraven, and I'm slowly getting to know cavesean a bit better...these people are amazing. I've never felt so loved or cared about in my life.