update
Okay, so...
I've moved back to New Hampshire after being in NJ for 7 months with Kevin. Things just never materialized for me there, I was missing everyone back here, and I hated Jersey City.
Kevin and I are doing the long-distance thing, and up til a few days ago, I was coping pretty well.
Kevin is stressed. A friends' (potential roommate) check bounced in Brooklyn, so he had to go searching for a new apartment before the 1st of November. General $$$ issues. Missing me. I've guessed that it has been slightly easier for me because I don't come home to an empty house. I try and keep myself busy too. Kevin comes home to the empty apartment we were living in together. Thankfully, I do believe he'll be living with his/our friend, which will help some. He requested phone and facebook free time from things til all the stresses are over (11/1) which I granted him wholeheartedly. His reasoning is that he is depressed talking to me because we're no longer living together, and I'm some 250+ miles away. His life is majorly stressful with everything else going on, and eliminating just one thing that is frustrating/depressing him was something he needed to do. I granted this to him very willingly because I know he needs some "sane" time, and I love him something fierce.
But I have never felt so lost. I just don't really know how to describe it. It feels like I need to scream to let it all out, but at the same time, curl into a small ball. It feels like my heart is almost sinking into the ground. It's odd. I want to talk to him so incredibly much. I feel very alone, and a bit islolated. I want to hear his voice.
I've been talking to friends and such about it, and my family. My family thinks his request is CRAZY and strange. Eh. (My brother isn't to crazy about him, and Kevin isn't too crazy about my brother either. They're civil, which is nice, though.) I know him, I like to think I know what he needs most of the time. I just really really miss him. I don't like sleeping by myself in a single bed. I miss my cuddly space heater.
I know now (despite hating Jersey City) that no matter where I/we live, I want to be with him. I just didn't have the coping mechanisms in NJ, and I just felt so helpless and useless with the job situation down there. It was very frustrating. I was alone a lot. that made me sad. It made me miss people more. But I had Kevin.
In a PERFECT world, he would find a wonderful job in the Boston area, and we could move down there. I ADORE Boston, I would be near people, and I'd be with the love of my life. We met in Boston, and it holds a lot of amazing memories for me. I do want to marry this guy and have his babies. I really do. I really hate living apart from him. I miss him more than I can really express. But, this separation is going to benefit both of us somehow, I know it. He's going to be able to do his music, I'm going to be able to concentrate on my massage career, and earn some money. I want to be able to contribute positively to our relationship when we get back to living together. Thank god for my friends here, though. They're great listeners. I love you guys.
I've moved back to New Hampshire after being in NJ for 7 months with Kevin. Things just never materialized for me there, I was missing everyone back here, and I hated Jersey City.
Kevin and I are doing the long-distance thing, and up til a few days ago, I was coping pretty well.
Kevin is stressed. A friends' (potential roommate) check bounced in Brooklyn, so he had to go searching for a new apartment before the 1st of November. General $$$ issues. Missing me. I've guessed that it has been slightly easier for me because I don't come home to an empty house. I try and keep myself busy too. Kevin comes home to the empty apartment we were living in together. Thankfully, I do believe he'll be living with his/our friend, which will help some. He requested phone and facebook free time from things til all the stresses are over (11/1) which I granted him wholeheartedly. His reasoning is that he is depressed talking to me because we're no longer living together, and I'm some 250+ miles away. His life is majorly stressful with everything else going on, and eliminating just one thing that is frustrating/depressing him was something he needed to do. I granted this to him very willingly because I know he needs some "sane" time, and I love him something fierce.
But I have never felt so lost. I just don't really know how to describe it. It feels like I need to scream to let it all out, but at the same time, curl into a small ball. It feels like my heart is almost sinking into the ground. It's odd. I want to talk to him so incredibly much. I feel very alone, and a bit islolated. I want to hear his voice.
I've been talking to friends and such about it, and my family. My family thinks his request is CRAZY and strange. Eh. (My brother isn't to crazy about him, and Kevin isn't too crazy about my brother either. They're civil, which is nice, though.) I know him, I like to think I know what he needs most of the time. I just really really miss him. I don't like sleeping by myself in a single bed. I miss my cuddly space heater.
I know now (despite hating Jersey City) that no matter where I/we live, I want to be with him. I just didn't have the coping mechanisms in NJ, and I just felt so helpless and useless with the job situation down there. It was very frustrating. I was alone a lot. that made me sad. It made me miss people more. But I had Kevin.
In a PERFECT world, he would find a wonderful job in the Boston area, and we could move down there. I ADORE Boston, I would be near people, and I'd be with the love of my life. We met in Boston, and it holds a lot of amazing memories for me. I do want to marry this guy and have his babies. I really do. I really hate living apart from him. I miss him more than I can really express. But, this separation is going to benefit both of us somehow, I know it. He's going to be able to do his music, I'm going to be able to concentrate on my massage career, and earn some money. I want to be able to contribute positively to our relationship when we get back to living together. Thank god for my friends here, though. They're great listeners. I love you guys.