Dreaming
I took a nap and had those dreams that feel so real that you think they're really happening and when you wake up it takes you a minute to realize they were just dreams. They were such good dreams too. I dreamt I called my mother and bitched her out for being such an ass to me on my birthday and that she actually appologized (she has never honestly appologized for anything and probably never will). Then I dreamt my friends threw me a belated surprise party and it was so much fun. And when I woke up, it was like being slapped back to reality. I shrugged and got out of bed, then in the middle of pouring myself a glass of water I started crying and couldn't stop. I'm not sure why. I guess that after 28 years I tell myself that I've come to accept that I've never had a good birthday and they always end up being uneventful or downright bad, no matter what I do to try and stop that. I try to tell myself that it's okay, that nothing special happening is better than a repeat of some of the really bad things that have happened on my birthday. But deep down I guess I'm still just a little girl who dreams of something special.