Nostalgia from FSU...
I was sitting here tonight, and I realized that in less than 2 weeks I will be leaving Tallahassee until I graduate in December. And even when I am back in December, it really won't be the same, it'll be more of a visit. It's weird knowing I'm 20 (almost 21) and my undergraduate career is dwindling down. Heck, I have one more week of classes, 3 final exams and I am DONE with classroom life unless I go to graduate school which is a strong possibility.
I feel like I have accomplished so much, yet at the same time nothing at all while here. I mean, yeah I did a lot, but what about the tons of things I missed out on? I first came to FSU for a visit around 5 years ago... had the worst experience ever with food poisoning and 2nd degree sunburns... but fell in love with the school anyways. I remember it was a Friday night at like midnight, and I saw online that I got in and FREAKED OUT. I screamed so loud, my mom thought something had died, I ran upstairs, woke my dad up and proclaimed I was a Seminole. I don't even think I knew at that point FSU was where I was destined to go... I was just SO EXCITED. I didn't even finish my college applications to other schools, and by November I knew FSU was where I was bound. I even had one of the first graduation heads up in the senior subschool, all decorated out with my "College of Music" paraphanelia on it (before I was even accepted to the college of music).
And in August I was off, to Tallahassee. Hot, humid, hell for me just because the weather was so different. But compared to NoVA, I made some friends pretty quick. I remember meeting David and his roommate Mike, and wondering who was who a minute later with my RA proclaiming that David was the cute one. I lived right across from Christie and one may think that was a recepie for disaster. However I didn't mind very much-- she was pretty cool, and let me slide on a lot of things. No idea why, but I guess I just have that personality. I remember my anthem was "harder to breathe" by Maroon 5, and it seemed like any time someone would stop in I would be playing that song. And of course I always had my dorm room door open so I could hear the surroundings. People singing up and down the hallways, dancing in the lobby, playing instruments in their room. Having classrooms in the dorm, so I could wake up 10 minutes before class, and roll on down all dishelveled in my pajamas. Meeting Jacob in his short running shorts, playing assassin with Dian and almost making it to the end, but getting assassinated when I slipped and fell at the water fountain (always the klutz). I even cooked in the kitchen like all the time and made friends and met people that way, because people were just so friendly and wanted to see who was cookin' and have a little bit of a talk. Even when Eva slashed open her foot in Landis and I "saved it" and everyone knew about it the next morning. Exhausted from spending the night in the hospital I had never smiled so much. But, the music school ended up not being for me. I don't know if it was because of the challenge, or because my heart wasn't into it. Looking back now, I think it was both. So dejected I left FSU, in hopes to transfer instate.. because if I wasn't doing music (with FSU having a top program), what was the point of me being there? So I left... I remember Sean, David, Matt and Rachel waking up early that morning (430 in the morning) which was a miracle because they NEVER EVER woke up, to see me off. I remember looking back, leaning out the window waving, and seeing them holding on to each other, and David starting to cry, which got me started. I wish I had taken a picture that day when David drew the "Boys of 110 will miss you!" picture on my door. I had never cried so hard. I loved that semester, and those people. I got to be involved in something competative and real, and meet so many talented people. While the Cawthon crew was like a family, you could see the greatness in everyone, it was a great freshman experience, even if only just for a semester.
So I went back to NOVA, and.. it sucked. I worked at Starbucks, went to classes at NOVA, and essentially hated it. Applying to transfer, having a curfew... home just sucked. Granted, I saved money and everything transferred, but I can only remember the name of 1 person I met at school there, and that is because he was the waiter for my sister's graduation dinner and called me Rachel. February that year, I decided what I wanted to do... something along the lines of Recreation, but I remember being told FSU didn't have a program by someone in admissions. It was a night in April, we were eating some hamburgers that my dad had grilled when he told me he couldn't believe FSU didn't have a Recreation program since it was a big state school, and with the football team and everything. So I looked one last time, every college, every major, til I finally found it under the College of Education of all places. I remember bursting into tears so frustrated that I missed out a whole semester at FSU and knowing going back things wouldn't be the same, but that I had to go back.
So I went back. Another fall filled with Football games, fun, and general education classes. This is when I took the First Responders class and made great friends with Andrew. Also the semester I joined rugby to get into shape. Things weren't the same with my music friends however... I barely talked to them and saw them. And it wasn't because I didn't try. I feel like still to this day I've put in 90% of the effort with them since I left, which makes me wonder how real those friendships were in the first place. I stopped about 2 months ago calling them, and have yet to hear from anyone. It's really sad, but I suppose how these things work, sometimes you just have to stop making the effort, and hope that they are willing to meet you halfway-- turns out that it didn't really work and the only one I really talk to anymore is Jake... but I suppose I'm ok with that because I have to be.
And then this year, I got into my Recreation major. And I LOVE it. While some classes are ridiculously stupid to me, it's still a great program. I know EVERY SINGLE person in it, and could pick up and call any of the students and even some of the professors if I had a problem and know that I would have an instantaneous support system. And while the projects are piling on, and it can get stressful at times, I have no doubt that this is the field I was meant to be in. And while I don't know what the future has in store (I'l find out May 15th about my internship) I know that I will love what I do. Grad school, job who knows.... but I know that I will be happy and that is just so awesome especially after being so unsure about myself as a music major.
I have a lot of great memories about my times here at FSU. The numerous football games, rugby matches and traveling around the southeast for them, parties at Rob's house, when FSU beat Duke... jamming out in my dorm my freshman year staying up late talking to people about life after school, rocking out with Meghan in the 117 with Heraldo and Walter (her piano and my guitar) and hating one of our roommates, First Responders Unit and all of the people involved in it, long walks around campus with Andrew late at night talking about everything and anything that we couldn't tell anyone else but it just felt right with us, my many long talks with David, my camping trips I have taken with outdoor pursuits, getting a 4.0 for the first time ever, feeling like I really belonged in a major... honestly so many more I cannot even write down.
It's funny-- you know when you go to college that you're going to be experiencing so much, and those experiences will shape you as a young adult... and as much as you want to leave, you don't all at the same time. I have 12 days left in Tallahasee... and for awhile I was so focused on all I hadn't done like go to Lake Ella, or go down to St. George, go to the top of the penis shaped capital building and truly see all of Tallahassee, join the Marching Chiefs, spring time Tallahassee festival... but then I can look back on all that I have done, and know that it's ok, and I did ok by my college experience.
I have 12 days left in Tallahassee, and I am fine. My college experience was one that I know that I will remember for always. Overseas if I go, jobs in the future, hopefully getting married and having a kid maybe, they'll be running around in Nole gear and the office will be decorated accordingly. I have given so much to FSU, and have gotten so much back in return. I will never look at red brick and spanish moss the same.... or feel the sun beating down in my car, and smelling the honeysuckle without faint memories of Tallahassee and my time at FSU dancing in my head.
I feel like I have accomplished so much, yet at the same time nothing at all while here. I mean, yeah I did a lot, but what about the tons of things I missed out on? I first came to FSU for a visit around 5 years ago... had the worst experience ever with food poisoning and 2nd degree sunburns... but fell in love with the school anyways. I remember it was a Friday night at like midnight, and I saw online that I got in and FREAKED OUT. I screamed so loud, my mom thought something had died, I ran upstairs, woke my dad up and proclaimed I was a Seminole. I don't even think I knew at that point FSU was where I was destined to go... I was just SO EXCITED. I didn't even finish my college applications to other schools, and by November I knew FSU was where I was bound. I even had one of the first graduation heads up in the senior subschool, all decorated out with my "College of Music" paraphanelia on it (before I was even accepted to the college of music).
And in August I was off, to Tallahassee. Hot, humid, hell for me just because the weather was so different. But compared to NoVA, I made some friends pretty quick. I remember meeting David and his roommate Mike, and wondering who was who a minute later with my RA proclaiming that David was the cute one. I lived right across from Christie and one may think that was a recepie for disaster. However I didn't mind very much-- she was pretty cool, and let me slide on a lot of things. No idea why, but I guess I just have that personality. I remember my anthem was "harder to breathe" by Maroon 5, and it seemed like any time someone would stop in I would be playing that song. And of course I always had my dorm room door open so I could hear the surroundings. People singing up and down the hallways, dancing in the lobby, playing instruments in their room. Having classrooms in the dorm, so I could wake up 10 minutes before class, and roll on down all dishelveled in my pajamas. Meeting Jacob in his short running shorts, playing assassin with Dian and almost making it to the end, but getting assassinated when I slipped and fell at the water fountain (always the klutz). I even cooked in the kitchen like all the time and made friends and met people that way, because people were just so friendly and wanted to see who was cookin' and have a little bit of a talk. Even when Eva slashed open her foot in Landis and I "saved it" and everyone knew about it the next morning. Exhausted from spending the night in the hospital I had never smiled so much. But, the music school ended up not being for me. I don't know if it was because of the challenge, or because my heart wasn't into it. Looking back now, I think it was both. So dejected I left FSU, in hopes to transfer instate.. because if I wasn't doing music (with FSU having a top program), what was the point of me being there? So I left... I remember Sean, David, Matt and Rachel waking up early that morning (430 in the morning) which was a miracle because they NEVER EVER woke up, to see me off. I remember looking back, leaning out the window waving, and seeing them holding on to each other, and David starting to cry, which got me started. I wish I had taken a picture that day when David drew the "Boys of 110 will miss you!" picture on my door. I had never cried so hard. I loved that semester, and those people. I got to be involved in something competative and real, and meet so many talented people. While the Cawthon crew was like a family, you could see the greatness in everyone, it was a great freshman experience, even if only just for a semester.
So I went back to NOVA, and.. it sucked. I worked at Starbucks, went to classes at NOVA, and essentially hated it. Applying to transfer, having a curfew... home just sucked. Granted, I saved money and everything transferred, but I can only remember the name of 1 person I met at school there, and that is because he was the waiter for my sister's graduation dinner and called me Rachel. February that year, I decided what I wanted to do... something along the lines of Recreation, but I remember being told FSU didn't have a program by someone in admissions. It was a night in April, we were eating some hamburgers that my dad had grilled when he told me he couldn't believe FSU didn't have a Recreation program since it was a big state school, and with the football team and everything. So I looked one last time, every college, every major, til I finally found it under the College of Education of all places. I remember bursting into tears so frustrated that I missed out a whole semester at FSU and knowing going back things wouldn't be the same, but that I had to go back.
So I went back. Another fall filled with Football games, fun, and general education classes. This is when I took the First Responders class and made great friends with Andrew. Also the semester I joined rugby to get into shape. Things weren't the same with my music friends however... I barely talked to them and saw them. And it wasn't because I didn't try. I feel like still to this day I've put in 90% of the effort with them since I left, which makes me wonder how real those friendships were in the first place. I stopped about 2 months ago calling them, and have yet to hear from anyone. It's really sad, but I suppose how these things work, sometimes you just have to stop making the effort, and hope that they are willing to meet you halfway-- turns out that it didn't really work and the only one I really talk to anymore is Jake... but I suppose I'm ok with that because I have to be.
And then this year, I got into my Recreation major. And I LOVE it. While some classes are ridiculously stupid to me, it's still a great program. I know EVERY SINGLE person in it, and could pick up and call any of the students and even some of the professors if I had a problem and know that I would have an instantaneous support system. And while the projects are piling on, and it can get stressful at times, I have no doubt that this is the field I was meant to be in. And while I don't know what the future has in store (I'l find out May 15th about my internship) I know that I will love what I do. Grad school, job who knows.... but I know that I will be happy and that is just so awesome especially after being so unsure about myself as a music major.
I have a lot of great memories about my times here at FSU. The numerous football games, rugby matches and traveling around the southeast for them, parties at Rob's house, when FSU beat Duke... jamming out in my dorm my freshman year staying up late talking to people about life after school, rocking out with Meghan in the 117 with Heraldo and Walter (her piano and my guitar) and hating one of our roommates, First Responders Unit and all of the people involved in it, long walks around campus with Andrew late at night talking about everything and anything that we couldn't tell anyone else but it just felt right with us, my many long talks with David, my camping trips I have taken with outdoor pursuits, getting a 4.0 for the first time ever, feeling like I really belonged in a major... honestly so many more I cannot even write down.
It's funny-- you know when you go to college that you're going to be experiencing so much, and those experiences will shape you as a young adult... and as much as you want to leave, you don't all at the same time. I have 12 days left in Tallahasee... and for awhile I was so focused on all I hadn't done like go to Lake Ella, or go down to St. George, go to the top of the penis shaped capital building and truly see all of Tallahassee, join the Marching Chiefs, spring time Tallahassee festival... but then I can look back on all that I have done, and know that it's ok, and I did ok by my college experience.
I have 12 days left in Tallahassee, and I am fine. My college experience was one that I know that I will remember for always. Overseas if I go, jobs in the future, hopefully getting married and having a kid maybe, they'll be running around in Nole gear and the office will be decorated accordingly. I have given so much to FSU, and have gotten so much back in return. I will never look at red brick and spanish moss the same.... or feel the sun beating down in my car, and smelling the honeysuckle without faint memories of Tallahassee and my time at FSU dancing in my head.