Next Please!?!?!?!?!?
Ahhh yes I have been here before. I am at the point where I have found my self many times before… it was about that time. In every relationship that I have ever been in I come right back here, I think I should name this place because it is a place I have come and visited frequently. It shall be dubbed “next please”. It is this special place where I freak out about the relationship that I am in. Normally it starts way in the beginning; like 2 weeks in the relationship once it has been determined that it is “official”. This time around, It has been close to 2 months (I blame the distance). After going through this “next please” phase many, many times before… I can calm my self down by saying “YOU HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE, YOU ALWAYS DO THIS, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT” but no matter how loud I scream this in my head… ummm it doesn’t seem to sink in. Let me explain what happens. First I find my self trying to figure things wrong with the person I am with to justify moving on… which is why I called it “next please” because I try (really hard) to find (stupid) reasons to look for someone else. After finding things wrong with the person I m with, because lets face it everyone is perfect and why have I chosen some one imperfect ::sarcasm::… I magnify my findings times a billion. Then I lug around for a week the gigantic problems with the guy I am with and the first thing I try to do is pick fights, because if he finds me intolerable… then maybe he can break up with me and spare me from being the dumper (believe it or not, it works). But if it doesn’t work and time elapses from me picking fights… the problems get smaller until I find him incredibly cute for dealing with me and everything is back to normal. Ahhh the wonders of the “next please” phase and why I do it still baffles me. Well this time around… I have picked quite a unique “flaw” to magnify. DRUM ROLL PLEASE…. His flaw is….. He has no intention of ever breaking up, more importantly he includes me in all future decisions, and uses “we” a lot. This on normal bases to me would be ideal of a mate or partner. But no, instead it makes me freak out. I guess its because it is something that I have always expected from a mate but somehow every guy I have dated lacked that. Now that I have it, I have no clue how to deal with it… I feel like I have a love, hate relationship with his flaws… because I love it but it scares me so therefore it’s a flaw and I hate it. I know I sound crazy but this is the best way to vent whats going on. Now to more important news…(as I try to over come my next please phase) I told my dad about him. I know my dad hates every guy I date and always seems to find something wrong with them… and somehow all of a sudden shows interest in the “ex boyfriend”. This sweet cycle my dad plays with hating the new guy and out of the blue loving the ex has happened so many times, that it’s so predictable. I guess it bums me out every time it happens but this time I really wanted him to like my new bf. No joke I told him 2 weeks ago and we are still fighting about it… I just wanted him to be part of my happiness. For him it’s a big problem… factors like age. Because well for one it makes the relationship a bit more mature and since he’s older my dad figures he wants to get married and have kids ASAP (which isn’t to far from the truth) but he already sees me married with kids and such. I also suspect that he doesn’t like the age difference because he is 10 yrs older then his wife… and his wife is Kevins age lol sooo you can see why he must feel uncomfortable. My arguments were that I AM FREAKIN HAPPY, like I finally found a good guy. He’s not going to cheat on me or disrespect me. He actually treats me well and I have no plans on letting him go… I kept telling him “what do you want, do u want me to end up with someone like my ex who flirts with every girl and continually disrespects me and doesn’t know what he wants?” Sometimes I feel like he just wants me to be Unhappy rather then happy. Because who the hell would tell their daughter to skip out on a wonderful man to go off with a guy who treated her like shit? Really… come on now!! Really… I mean I understand he feels more comfortable with someone he has known for almost 6 years but seriously… who would want their daughter to be with a guy who treated her and treats (on occasion) like shit? This is a guy who has seriously been the most disrespectful person in my entire life. WHY IS HE SO BLIND and STUBBORN?? I really want him to accept Kevin, he doesn’t have to like him… I just want him to be apart of my happiness and not give me crap about him. errrrr