theres not a word i comprehend...
"... except for when you signed it, i'll love you always and forever.... as for now i'm gonna hear the saddest songs and wonder how you're making out..."
Somethings wrong, the impending doom, the empty feeling, ... every feeling from the initial breakup is back. It makes no sense, what-so-ever. I'm with him, we're happy.....i say this as tears stream down my face....
Something is wrong, i hate the acting, i hate the lies, i HATE that he just acts like everything is okay... like "i love you" is going to solve everything... like ignoring a fight COMPLETELY is the answer..... i'm SICK of acting like everything is okay, it's a fucking exhausting text... and it's pointless trying to address it.... he'll just write "i love you..." like it answers any question, like it addresses the problem, like it makes every pain go away.... i went jogging again, this time when i felt sick i didnt go home..... i didn't text him... because what's the point? He'll ignore the issue at hand. He never hurt me, he didn't do anything wrong, he was the victime, last year we were single.... that makes it okay for him - but everything i did, everything i do is wrong..... im the one who has to make up for it... i have to be the bad guy, i have to be the understanding one, i have to stand aside with a smile acting like everything is fine and inside im wanting to scream......
i hate pretending, i went jogging today and in my last lap... instead of quitting, i started crying... i was never scared of falling in love..... getting hurt was the only problem... and hes the only one who knows how to completely shatter me... i can't deal with that a second time around.
Worst of all... we got into an argument, because i have pictures of an ex and i on fb from hanging out [before we dated] and he wants them removed.... i haven't removed any... he wants them gone & said how would i like if he had his page with pics of him and his ex... [the ex that was with him when we broke up...... long story short... that picture is BURNED into my mind- it was his default when we weren't talking, that's when he decided to message me, YES with that picture] .................... now that picture is rekindled in my mind, as fresh as ever....
as if my insomnia wasn't bad enough, every time i close my eyes... i see that horrid picture. It's only horrible becuase they look happy.... and that makes me the most miserable....
...
.. i guess i just needed to rant since i finally got my laptop..
Somethings wrong, the impending doom, the empty feeling, ... every feeling from the initial breakup is back. It makes no sense, what-so-ever. I'm with him, we're happy.....i say this as tears stream down my face....
Something is wrong, i hate the acting, i hate the lies, i HATE that he just acts like everything is okay... like "i love you" is going to solve everything... like ignoring a fight COMPLETELY is the answer..... i'm SICK of acting like everything is okay, it's a fucking exhausting text... and it's pointless trying to address it.... he'll just write "i love you..." like it answers any question, like it addresses the problem, like it makes every pain go away.... i went jogging again, this time when i felt sick i didnt go home..... i didn't text him... because what's the point? He'll ignore the issue at hand. He never hurt me, he didn't do anything wrong, he was the victime, last year we were single.... that makes it okay for him - but everything i did, everything i do is wrong..... im the one who has to make up for it... i have to be the bad guy, i have to be the understanding one, i have to stand aside with a smile acting like everything is fine and inside im wanting to scream......
i hate pretending, i went jogging today and in my last lap... instead of quitting, i started crying... i was never scared of falling in love..... getting hurt was the only problem... and hes the only one who knows how to completely shatter me... i can't deal with that a second time around.
Worst of all... we got into an argument, because i have pictures of an ex and i on fb from hanging out [before we dated] and he wants them removed.... i haven't removed any... he wants them gone & said how would i like if he had his page with pics of him and his ex... [the ex that was with him when we broke up...... long story short... that picture is BURNED into my mind- it was his default when we weren't talking, that's when he decided to message me, YES with that picture] .................... now that picture is rekindled in my mind, as fresh as ever....
as if my insomnia wasn't bad enough, every time i close my eyes... i see that horrid picture. It's only horrible becuase they look happy.... and that makes me the most miserable....
...
.. i guess i just needed to rant since i finally got my laptop..