Don't fall asleep on me unless you're willing to receive this in the morning:
I hate the way I can't sleep because of all the things on my mind- the way you don't hold me, the way you're okay with watching the relationship fall apart; I hate sleeping with you.
I don't want this to be about sex but you are foolish to believe that I actually don't mind faking orgasms, or just feeling nothing at all. If you would just do it right ONE time, I might be happy. You can't expect things to change overnight and you certainly can't expect things to go back to the way they were because I can't be all over someone I'm not attracted to. I hate the way you sleep in all your street clothes like you have a reason to feel like a stranger all the time, but I don't know you anymore so maybe it's appropriate. I hate the thought of never seeing you again but how can I look at the boy I fell in love with and know I'll never love him again? While I can't imagine not having you around, I can imagine how much it will hurt if and when we finally break up over something like sex. Face it, we finally found something about each other we can both refuse to compromise on and it just may be enough to tear us apart.
I've tried to make myself believe that you were smart enough to prevent relationships after Allie from going to shit, but you just seem to want things to fail, which would explain why you are so stubborn and give up so fast. You really fucked up here but you'll never know because tomorrow when we're tripping balls maybe I'll fall in love with you all over again. Then when the ecstasy is gone I'll go back to being mad at you and depressed that I couldn't make things work.
All you had to do was be normal. Why else would I do something as rash as telling you I'd never try to come onto you again? You probably thought of it as a relief, now that you could finally pass out on me and I wouldn't care. Remember the night you drove to North Carolina to get your new Audi and you promised you'd come by after, no matter how late it was? And how your mom said, "If she loves you she'll let you sleep"? Wow, I guess there was more to that than I thought- obviously everyone but me knows how much sleep means to you and that you wouldn't think twice to choose it over me. It'll be perfect: sleep knows that you'll always want it, need it, and think about it, while I'll lie awake, my mind racing, miffed at the fact that you are not physically attracted to me anymore.
I used to try to get off work early, sacrificing nights out with my friends, just to be with you. It's bad enough you and I work opposite hours, but you couldn't even understand why I thought the little time we did have together was important. Ever since we got back together over the summer you've been saying that we should go our separate ways if things come up like school or work. I should have known it was just a lame cop-out for you to cover your ass and not be tied down if anything better ever came along. Well guess what- something better hasn't come along for me just yet, but when it does, I will leave you. It sucks to know that you're stuck in a position where you're with someone just for the moment with no intention of growing closer just so there's less to deal with when it's over.
Go ahead, be mad at me; it'll give me a reason to beat your sorry, pathetic ass and show you what it's like to be miserable. Most of all, I hate how you don't believe I would ever leave you for reasons I've given before, like, you not liking my friends (read: you're a racist bastard), you sucking in bed (read: 5 minutes, 10 , tops), or you just being insensitive. You really need a lesson in how to treat a girl, then maybe you wouldn't do such stupid things and just grow the fuck up.
I don't want this to be about sex but you are foolish to believe that I actually don't mind faking orgasms, or just feeling nothing at all. If you would just do it right ONE time, I might be happy. You can't expect things to change overnight and you certainly can't expect things to go back to the way they were because I can't be all over someone I'm not attracted to. I hate the way you sleep in all your street clothes like you have a reason to feel like a stranger all the time, but I don't know you anymore so maybe it's appropriate. I hate the thought of never seeing you again but how can I look at the boy I fell in love with and know I'll never love him again? While I can't imagine not having you around, I can imagine how much it will hurt if and when we finally break up over something like sex. Face it, we finally found something about each other we can both refuse to compromise on and it just may be enough to tear us apart.
I've tried to make myself believe that you were smart enough to prevent relationships after Allie from going to shit, but you just seem to want things to fail, which would explain why you are so stubborn and give up so fast. You really fucked up here but you'll never know because tomorrow when we're tripping balls maybe I'll fall in love with you all over again. Then when the ecstasy is gone I'll go back to being mad at you and depressed that I couldn't make things work.
All you had to do was be normal. Why else would I do something as rash as telling you I'd never try to come onto you again? You probably thought of it as a relief, now that you could finally pass out on me and I wouldn't care. Remember the night you drove to North Carolina to get your new Audi and you promised you'd come by after, no matter how late it was? And how your mom said, "If she loves you she'll let you sleep"? Wow, I guess there was more to that than I thought- obviously everyone but me knows how much sleep means to you and that you wouldn't think twice to choose it over me. It'll be perfect: sleep knows that you'll always want it, need it, and think about it, while I'll lie awake, my mind racing, miffed at the fact that you are not physically attracted to me anymore.
I used to try to get off work early, sacrificing nights out with my friends, just to be with you. It's bad enough you and I work opposite hours, but you couldn't even understand why I thought the little time we did have together was important. Ever since we got back together over the summer you've been saying that we should go our separate ways if things come up like school or work. I should have known it was just a lame cop-out for you to cover your ass and not be tied down if anything better ever came along. Well guess what- something better hasn't come along for me just yet, but when it does, I will leave you. It sucks to know that you're stuck in a position where you're with someone just for the moment with no intention of growing closer just so there's less to deal with when it's over.
Go ahead, be mad at me; it'll give me a reason to beat your sorry, pathetic ass and show you what it's like to be miserable. Most of all, I hate how you don't believe I would ever leave you for reasons I've given before, like, you not liking my friends (read: you're a racist bastard), you sucking in bed (read: 5 minutes, 10 , tops), or you just being insensitive. You really need a lesson in how to treat a girl, then maybe you wouldn't do such stupid things and just grow the fuck up.