The "Everything Changes" 2014 TGW Ficathon
The "Everything Changes" 2014 TGW Ficathon has come to a close! Thank you to all who participated. This post will remain unlocked so that readers may continue to comment on posted fics. Also feel free to post links to belatedly filled prompts. Hope to see you next year!
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What's Past
Cary winds up in the hospital that night, three broken ribs and a whole lot of bruises. They want to know who did it, telling him he should press charges, but he refuses to say who hurt him and in the end they figure he was at the hotel with a hooker and they leave him alone. His testicle is just badly contused, they tell him, not ruptured; he won't lose it. Through the haze of pain medication he tries to feel good about that, but right now it's hard to feel good about anything at all.
Ten blocks away Kalinda is ensconced in one of her dive bars, putting back another tequila. Her phone is on the bar, a few inches from her hand. Four or five times she almost picks it up to call Cary, see how he's doing - she hadn't looked back once he hit the floor, had called the ambulance from the street. Each time she forces her hand to stay put. Then, five tequilas in, she finds her hand's picked up the phone on its own. She's halfway through dialing Alicia's number when she jabs the off button, throws back the last shot, and heads home.
Kalinda can hold her tequila, but she can't hold six of them, and by the time she gets home the world is reeling in an unpleasant way. The alcohol hadn't taken the edge off the way it was supposed to; it had thrown everything topsy-turvy, and things she'd kept safely boxed up in secure dark corners for years are spilling out around her now, breaking open. She stumbles to the bathroom to pee and a figure leaps out of the mirror at her, a figure with blond hair and crazy eyes, and she cries out. It takes a minute for her to realize that the movement in the mirror was hers, that there's no one blond in the room. She's safe. Everything's fine.
In the bedroom she pulls the gun clumsily out of her nightstand drawer, re-checks it to make sure it's fully loaded, then clicks the safety off and puts it back on the nightstand. She can see that there are bruises already beginning to form on her wrists. Familiar-looking. Kalinda, just shut up, she hears in Cary's voice, and she shakes her head, shaking it off. Then, again - Just shut up - but in a different voice this time. Just shut up, Leela.
“That's over,” she mumbles, sliding under the covers and pulling the duvet up to her chin. Because it is. No one is ever going to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do again. Cary sure hadn't been able to manage it. She'd hurt him, she'd left him on the floor, she'd kept herself safe. Tonight was proof that she was different now. What happened ought to have felt like triumph.
But when she falls asleep it's Cary's whispers of What, you don't like it like this? that follow her down. And when she's fallen to the bottom of the well, walls closing in around her, she turns and it's Nick there, sitting up straight in that white-sheeted bed. He beckons to her, and she wants to tell him no but wonders if she'll get hurt less if she says yes from the start. And then he starts to get up to come after her, and she backs up against the rounded wall of the well, and he grabs her by the shoulders and she screams, and then she wakes up in her own pristine bedroom with the scream still echoing in her ears. The clock says 3:37 am; she'd been asleep for maybe 20 minutes.
Not this again, she thinks. Please, not this.
But it is this again, it's always this the night after something happens that threatens her the way Nick used to. Giving up on sleep, she sits straight up in bed and reaches for the gun, patting it to make sure it's right there. She flicks the TV on to an infomercial to give her eyes something to do and reminds herself of all the reasons why Nick can't come back, reminds herself of all the reasons Cary is no threat to her. They're good reasons. Nothing bad is going to happen.
But Nick's eyes still watch her from the shadows. And by now (staring bleary-eyed at a hand-held blender commercial, massaging a bruised wrist and patting the gun compulsively) Kalinda is pretty sure they're never going to leave.
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Nice take on Kalinda's darker side, thank you!
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Anyway, the whole thing makes me absolutely furious, but this fic is the perfect illustration of my head canon for Kalinda regarding her past, what *did* take place onscreen, and what *should* have taken place onscreen. p
Please please write more Kalinda in future. I personally would love to see your take on her childhood/adolescence etc and the circumstances of her marrying Nick then becoming Kalinda.
ALL THE KUDOS TO YOU!
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As for writing more Kalinda backstory, you know, I hadn't considered doing it before, but now that you've suggested it I have a few plotbunnies following me around and I think I will probably attempt it, although I'm not 100% sure the results will be fit for public consumption. I've had a really hard time getting a hold on what Kalinda's backstory is, but I've always really wanted to know, so that makes it a job for fanfic!
One more thing that I really hope will not seem completely crazy: I actually have two accounts which I've been using to post to this ficathon. The other one is lemonsoranges/orangesandlemons on AO3, and the reason I created that account is because I've never posted PWP before and I was feeling really shy about it. I didn't figure I'd get that much attention on either account tbh, so it didn't seem like it would matter, but now people are being so super nice and supportive and I've been getting to know y'all better, but mostly through lemonsoranges. So I think I'd rather that be my primary account for TGW fic now. Before the ficathon I didn't expect to write any more TGW fic after the ficathon was over so I figured it didn't matter if I posted the porny stuff somewhere new. I'm only mentioning this because if I write Kalinda backstory I'll probably be posting it as orangesandlemons, and it's easier to explain now than later. As I said, I hope this isn't going to come off as crazy or shady or anything. I promise I wasn't trying to be deceptive. Just shy. :)
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And I'm really, really glad other people feel the same way I did about the likely aftermath of that scene if it had continued.
Well it was probably a split vote on Tumblr. 1/3 horrified, 1/3 received it as RK intended, 1/3 thought bitch had it coming -- not joking, I felt like I'd been wading in the pond scum of rape culture to voice a differing opinion for weeks after it aired.
I do feel, like you, that thoughtful, complex representations of abusive dynamics are way too uncommon on TV.
I think that was part of the problem. Most representations are on something like a police procedural, you only see the victim through the eyes of the police protagonist. And it's usually unambiguously heinous physical abuse of a "meek" woman. I don't think you often see the push-pull that keeps a woman trapped. Or the fact that Kalinda wasn't being "Kalinda" because she was reverting to the mess that Nick had turned "Leela" into. But yeah, when they started to chop/change and speed it up and then Nick just disappeared I felt like I did not get the payoff I deserved after trying really hard to engage with the storyline.
Don't get me started on JM's possible role in this!
As for writing more Kalinda backstory, you know, I hadn't considered doing it before, but now that you've suggested it I have a few plotbunnies following me around and I think I will probably attempt it, although I'm not 100% sure the results will be fit for public consumption. I've had a really hard time getting a hold on what Kalinda's backstory is, but I've always really wanted to know, so that makes it a job for fanfic!
Please PLEASE let your plot bunnies breed and multiply! There's been some really good fanfic on the subject (lunchinanelevator's comes to mind!) but there are infinite possibilities...
One more thing that I really hope will not seem completely crazy: I actually have two accounts which I've been using to post to this ficathon. The other one is lemonsoranges/orangesandlemons on AO3, and the reason I created that account is because I've never posted PWP before and I was feeling really shy about it. I didn't figure I'd get that much attention on either account tbh, so it didn't seem like it would matter, but now people are being so super nice and supportive and I've been getting to know y'all better, but mostly through lemonsoranges. So I think I'd rather that be my primary account for TGW fic now. Before the ficathon I didn't expect to write any more TGW fic after the ficathon was over so I figured it didn't matter if I posted the porny stuff somewhere new. I'm only mentioning this because if I write Kalinda backstory I'll probably be posting it as orangesandlemons, and it's easier to explain now than later. As I said, I hope this isn't going to come off as crazy or shady or anything. I promise I wasn't trying to be deceptive. Just shy. :)
That doesn't sound shady! :D As someone who wrote my first fanfic for the ficathon two years ago I know exactly how you feel. In fact I have a rather generically smutty not-very-good fic buried down there that I've never reposted... *cough*
So lemonsoranges it is! And I hope we might see you back here for sweetjamielee's post episode discussion next season if there's anything to talk about. Kalicia and Kalinda fandom seems to be one group to an extent and back when there was good material for both there was great discussion. At the very least it's a safe spot to vent!
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No worries! How old are your kids? And that is a great use of your spare time and I'm totally looking forward to the result. :D
Well it was probably a split vote on Tumblr. 1/3 horrified, 1/3 received it as RK intended, 1/3 thought bitch had it coming -- not joking, I felt like I'd been wading in the pond scum of rape culture to voice a differing opinion for weeks after it aired.
Ugh, I know. I had seen some of the bad stuff. I remember seeing stuff on thegoodwifeconfessions that was like "But she was smirking! She totally wanted it!" or misquoting her response as "Why did you stop?" and bleeeeeegh. That was part of why I was excited everyone who responded to the fic liked it, because I was worried the bitch-had-it-coming people were going to drop in :( Luckily the ficathon turned out to be full of all the awesome people and I did not come across a single hovering asshole! XD
I don't think you often see the push-pull that keeps a woman trapped. Or the fact that Kalinda wasn't being "Kalinda" because she was reverting to the mess that Nick had turned "Leela" into.
I'm so with you here. I've been rewatching the Nick plotline as prep for writing backstory fic and while I was having the same UGH KALINDA GET HIM THE FUCK OUT OF HERE reaction it's a more interesting and in some ways more realistic plotline that she doesn't for awhile. The moment when he smashes her mirror and hurts his hand and she's suddenly nursing him is pretty telling to me. And I think the distinction between Kalinda and Leela -- and its semi-disintegration for awhile -- is really fascinating and something I really want to explore, since I'm not 100% sure exactly where the line lies but we have some pretty intriguing details.
(Also, did JM have a role in the Nick plotline shootdown? I'm certainly aware that she's part of the reason [all the reason?] that Kalinda has been sidelined, but was she interfering there as well? It's a shame because when I watch the show I'm constantly thinking what a great actress she is, and then I read stuff about her personally and what she's doing *to* the show and, well...)
Lastly, I'm SO glad you don't think I'm a total creeper. I know some people feel like having multiple accounts is not cool.
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I was one of the people shouting joyfully from the rooftops when the spoilers came out that Kalinda's husband was going to make an appearance because I thought it would give so much insight into her character, and tolerated the wtfery once Nick arrived because I was ABSOLUTELY SURE we'd get a marvelous, probably Kalicia-filled payoff, and felt massively betrayed when the Kings skittered off because the storyline was unpopular. You started it, have the balls to finish it and tell the story you wanted to tell.
I'm not sure JM was the sole nixer of Nick!gate per se, but I'm sure she was gleeful at the failing of the storyline and used to it push her anti-Kalinda agenda -- "See, you THOUGHT people wanted a deeper look into Kalinda, but you were wrong, fans hated it! They just want her to pop up now and then to have random flirtations!" Ugh.
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The kidlets are 1 and 3.5 year old boys -- they are rather all-consuming. I have let everything drop for ficathon... :D But in the background I have two very long fic projects simmering extremely slowly. My hope it to get at least one of them fully drafted before S6. I'm 25,000 words in -- probably a third done.
Luckily the ficathon turned out to be full of all the awesome people and I did not come across a single hovering asshole! XD
Awww...
Actually, if I may ask, did you find out about the ficathon via Tumblr? Or did you already know about TGW fandom on LJ?
I'm so with you here. I've been rewatching the Nick plotline as prep for writing backstory fic and while I was having the same UGH KALINDA GET HIM THE FUCK OUT OF HERE reaction it's a more interesting and in some ways more realistic plotline that she doesn't for awhile. The moment when he smashes her mirror and hurts his hand and she's suddenly nursing him is pretty telling to me. And I think the distinction between Kalinda and Leela -- and its semi-disintegration for awhile -- is really fascinating and something I really want to explore, since I'm not 100% sure exactly where the line lies but we have some pretty intriguing details.
I think the whole thing would have been a lot more enjoyable (and dramatically effective) if had simply been a cat and mouse game where Nick was as terrifying as we thought he'd be after "The Dream Team" and Kalinda was trying to: 1. Get rid of him; and 2. Keep her current life from finding out about her past. I'm sure they could have still hit the same notes that I believe were the point of bringing back in the first place and it would have spared the backlash,
(Also, did JM have a role in the Nick plotline shootdown? I'm certainly aware that she's part of the reason [all the reason?] that Kalinda has been sidelined, but was she interfering there as well? It's a shame because when I watch the show I'm constantly thinking what a great actress she is, and then I read stuff about her personally and what she's doing *to* the show and, well...)
From what I can tell, JM is solely responsible for getting rid of Kalicia and therefore the knock-on effect that has had on Kalinda's storyline and Archie's screentime. However, I also believe she may have played a role in what happened to the end of the Nick sl. I'm fairly certain that the end of the Nick sl should have been him figuring out that Alicia was the one Kalinda stayed in Chicago for. That would have led to a showdown and I assume two things would happen. Firstly, Kalinda would choose Alicia over Nick (maybe even kill him directly.) Secondly, Alicia would find out in a way that she couldn't deny that Kalinda was in love with her.
I saw all this as being set up in late S3, and throughout the Nick sl until it got changed to end faster. And I assumed it was one of the early moves towards a romantic Kalicia endgame. (Alicia finding out that Kalinda was motivated by love rather than guilt might have been a factor that allowed her to forgive her properly.)
At any rate, I wonder if the Kings pitched and JM baulked and just said "No way! Nothing more! Never!" How she had the power to shut it down, I don't get.
Just thinking about the timeline, Nick should still have been around when Alicia and Kalinda shared their hotel room. Maybe finding out that they "spent the night together" was what set him off.
Lastly, I'm SO glad you don't think I'm a total creeper. I know some people feel like having multiple accounts is not cool.
Nah, but you know, we're TGW fans. We like 'em shady!
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I found out about the ficathon through AO3, actually. That is, I saw fics that people had posted as part of one of the previous ficathons and I was interested in playing this time around. I think I may have seen it announced on Tumblr too, though. (I'm lemonsoranges over there too.) I have not been part of the LJ fandom subset but I would like to be when the show starts up again! (Or, you know, now. :) Things are just slower in the offseason, I assume)
Random question about fandom and Tumblr: do people frequently post their fics to Tumblr as well as to AO3/LJ/ff.net/whatever? I haven't been sure whether to post my fics there on the Good Wife tag. I'm a Tumblr newbie so I'm trying to figure out how to navigate the site.
I'm fairly certain that the end of the Nick sl should have been him figuring out that Alicia was the one Kalinda stayed in Chicago for. That would have led to a showdown
Yeah, that would have been better! The actual reason Kalinda got rid of him seemed a trifle thin, at least compared to that.
Firstly, Kalinda would choose Alicia over Nick (maybe even kill him directly.)
So do we know that she didn't? I've been so mixed up on that. (Enough so that I'm planning a ficlet about it just to straighten out my own headcanon. :P)
Secondly, Alicia would find out in a way that she couldn't deny that Kalinda was in love with her.
THAT WOULD BE NICE. Although I can't even tell if the writers mean to have written, well, exactly what they freaking wrote wrt Kalicia -- that seems like a weird sentence, and then you think of the 5x22 Cary situation, the *actual text* of that conversation, and realize it's amazing that they can write things and then have no idea what they were. But with Kalinda's love for Alicia, I can't tell if they think they are just writing a really really strong friendship love. Which would be, uh, okay, sure, guys.
At any rate, I wonder if the Kings pitched and JM baulked and just said "No way! Nothing more! Never!" How she had the power to shut it down, I don't get.
Yeah, I assume that as both the star and a producer she wields a big stick, but even so, it's ridiculous how much she's getting away with.
Just thinking about the timeline, Nick should still have been around when Alicia and Kalinda shared their hotel room. Maybe finding out that they "spent the night together" was what set him off.
SO MUCH MORE SENSE-MAKING.
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