(no subject)
i know that it's been a very long time since i've updated, but i just need to get stuff out, and for those of you who are willing to read this, thanks.
my mom brought it to my attention that we have one extra ticket for graduation. at first, i was like okay that's cool maybe i could bring a friend. but now it's hitting me. that ticket was meant for my dad. if he had been here we wouldn't even have an extra ticket. it's just amazingly difficult to recognize the fact that he is going to miss one of the biggest moments in my life. sure, he's missed my entire high school career, but that was all petty stuff compared to graduation. it just makes me realize how many things i'm going to go through without him there to witness them. i'm going to graduate from high school, then college, get married and have children and he's not going to be there for any of those events. it's something that i haven't thought about in a very long time, and it's hitting me hard. graduation is hard enough knowing that you may never see most of your graduating class ever again, i don't want to have to think about those that can't even be there to see me receive my diploma. it all just makes me wonder, if he had made better decisions in his life, would he be sitting there, with that huge grin on his face, watching me complete an incredible chapter of my life? or was it meant to be that he would miss out on all of these things? i don't know, i'm just feeling very blah right now. i think a good night's sleep will do me good.
my mom brought it to my attention that we have one extra ticket for graduation. at first, i was like okay that's cool maybe i could bring a friend. but now it's hitting me. that ticket was meant for my dad. if he had been here we wouldn't even have an extra ticket. it's just amazingly difficult to recognize the fact that he is going to miss one of the biggest moments in my life. sure, he's missed my entire high school career, but that was all petty stuff compared to graduation. it just makes me realize how many things i'm going to go through without him there to witness them. i'm going to graduate from high school, then college, get married and have children and he's not going to be there for any of those events. it's something that i haven't thought about in a very long time, and it's hitting me hard. graduation is hard enough knowing that you may never see most of your graduating class ever again, i don't want to have to think about those that can't even be there to see me receive my diploma. it all just makes me wonder, if he had made better decisions in his life, would he be sitting there, with that huge grin on his face, watching me complete an incredible chapter of my life? or was it meant to be that he would miss out on all of these things? i don't know, i'm just feeling very blah right now. i think a good night's sleep will do me good.