(Untitled)

[sweetiq282]

So I've been holding this in for a while, but I feel like I need to get it out. I don't know if it'll start something or if most of you will just brush it off, but I'm gunna go ahead and say what I'm feeling. Maybe it's just a normal phase that people go through, but I just don't feel like I belong anymore. I find myself thinking that a lot of

Comments

[sweetiq282]

so in my mind, this is basically translating into "you're a selfish bitch and you should start thinking about other people" and if thats what you're trying to say then just say it stop going around it. i'd like you to know that all i do is think about other people, it may not seem that way but its true. okay i didnt know i always looked pissed or upset.. thats a new one, and for your information jenelle knew so at least one person knew if not more, and here's a big hint.. if i say im not in the mood THEN DONT DO IT.. its that easy, but no, every time i try to warn you you just keep on going and then you wonder why i flip out? and you think i didnt know that we've known each other since kindergarden? you're acting as if im blind to our past.. no, i know our past, dont talk to me like im some dumb person that shields herself from the world. and did you ever think that after that phone conversation YOU were the one that didn't talk to me? why are you putting all the blame on me here? i called you, i poured my heart out to you, yet after we hung up i still wasnt sure if you even wanted anything to do with me, yeah we said things were fine but people say things that they dont mean. i'll admit it, i suck with relationships with people, i dont know when to talk to them, i dont know if they even want to talk to me, so most of the time i just wait for them to come to me, maybe i should change that about myself because apparently it just causes more things to happen. and if you think im that bad of a person, then why are we even arguing, no one would want to be friends with a person they think so lowly about. sorry if my "excuses" arent good enough, i consider them explanations, but i guess its fine if you see them as excuses, i am who i am and if you dont like it then just say so and we'll just stop it now.

[lifeofdavidgale]

I'm sorry if i took them as execuses or justifications,b ut when everything is I'm sry, but I'm sry, but it seems like every apology has an explaination nothing is every i'm sorry iwas wrong. I'm sorry that my last comment was extra harsh it is just frustrating always listening to you basically dismiss our friendship(thats the way i feel) As for how i don't listen when you say your not in the mood. Well its frustrating for me because everytime I try to joke its "I'm not in the mood" well i'm sorry if i have to change who i am becasue your not in the mood for most people it will make them laugh and help their day. I'm sorry if I forget that your one of the peopel that take it the wrong way. I am truely sorry if you feel like i perposally piss you off when your in a bad mood, I do not. Thats the last thing i want to do to anyone I'm just use to being able to make people laugh or joke around with them even when there in a bad mood. I don't know if you have noticed, but when i do see you I feel like I have cut down on the making fun of alot since I use to I don't know if you feel the same way, but i find my self catching myself alot of times when I am about to be mean or make a ussual CJ joke. I am not calling you a selfish bitch. All I was saying or what i want to say now is it seems liek every time I see you you are complaining or talking about youself in some way. I am not saying you are a selfish bitch because I have never known you to be that. It can jsut be draining or frustrating for me because whenever I see you i'm always hearing about you. Don't get me wrong I like listening to my friends problems but not 24/7 and never being asked if I have problems. I hope you don't take that the wrong way I am just explaining a feeling I have, just like you were before. I am sure you care about other people alot I never said that you didn't. I was not talking to you like you were some dumb person,b ut to me it seems like you act like we only knew each otehr for like a few years,b ut in reality we have been friends for a long time(atleast i considered us friends) Yes we said things were fine on the phone and they could have been,b tu everything we disgust nothing changed. Yes i didnt' relly talk to you either I realize that is patially my fault, but i had always been there to talk to you and be friends you were the one that was leaving us for other people. So why should I have to come and talk to you again I never went anywhere. Maybe i should have started conversation to show to you things were alright for that i'm sorry. "i am who i am and if you dont like it then just say so" Thats funny because joking is who i am and you are condemming me for that, but now i'm suppose to take you for who you are? I never said i didn't want to be friends with you i fi dind't want to be friends with you or didnt' value what we had so much I would not be so pissed about the way you treat it an di walso wouldn't be talking to you. All I have to say is if you are goign to point out some of my flaws and why you get pissed at me you should also be willing to recieve the same. Maybe we can work this out i dont' know i hope we can and things will go back to normal, but please stop putting words in my mouth. If you dont' like anyting i said i second your idea of stopping this thing. But all i'm trying to do is be honest and tell you my feeling and get everything ont he table so maybe something good can come from it

[sweetiq282]

okay that was a lot to take in and im gunna try and respond to as much as i can.. the last thing im trying to do is dismiss our friendship its just in the last comment it seemed like i was the kind of person that you didnt want to be friends with and if that was the case i wasnt going to force you into being in a friendship with me, but now i know that that's not the way you feel, so we can keep discussing our feelings and everything.. and i dont want you to change who you are, im sorry if it seems that way, you can make your usual jokes or whatever its just when you start to pick on me, and i tell you im not in the mood it would be nice if you wouldnt continue to do whatever it is you're doing, that doesnt mean you cant tell jokes or do whatever it is you do to make other people happy, just don't pick on me, thats all. i do talk about my problems and things that are going on in my life a lot, that's true but there's a reason for that. i've been to a shrink before, and i've poured my heart out to someone who was a complete stranger. i realized that that wasnt something that was going to help me, i'd rather discuss all of my problems with my friends, and when im not talking about my problems i talk about the good things in my life, i talk about my dreams, what i did over the weekend and the good things that have happened to me, if i didnt talk about my problems, i would be a shriveled up depressed teenager, and if i didnt talk about the good things in my life people would consider me as a pessimistic girl who only had bad things to talk about. i guess that doesnt give me a good enough reason to talk about my life so much, but i guess thats just my excuse. but that doesnt mean that i dont care about the problems or other things that other people have to tell me, i am always up for listening and trying to help people with their problems, or listening to their stories or fun things they did, i dont tend to ask people if they have problems unless its noticeable that they're upset and i hardly even see you to even know if you're upset so i wouldnt be asking if you had problems that you needed to talk about, but you should know that i am here to listen if you need someone even if i'm your last resort, and i know that you're there for me too and im sorry that i dont talk to you as much, i know i should and i know its wrong of me to not discuss things with you and all i can do is apologize and hope that you'll forgive me and things will return to the way they used to be which would give us the chance to actually talk and help each other i miss the times when everyone got along and there were hardly any problems.. i miss all of you guys and all of us just hanging out together and having a good time, i want to work this whole thing out but i think we're both going to have to work at it, i'll probably have more work to do than you will but i still think its a two way street.. let me know how you feel

[lifeofdavidgale]

Talking about your problems and everything else is not a bad thing at all if that is what helps you i'm glad and thats fine. I too want to try to work this out and try and get it to where it use to be if not better. Like you said we both have things to work on and i pormise i will make an effort and we will see where it goes from there. I want it to work out too for all of us.

[sweetiq282]

im glad we got all of this out :)