my life as I know it
hello all who read this,it12:15 am april 2 and i need to write so here goes...... today/yesterday was interesting. I spent the day with my goddaughter/"niece". She is nine and very lovely to be around. humorous,vivacious,demonstrative, cuddly and just a spring breeze in my life. There si s a down side for me though as one time i was going to adopt her and there was A LOT of chaos &disorder, so it never happened. i am glad that it didn't and she is happy with her mother, but my heart still care the wounds,not just scars from them and that was five years ago. after loving her as my child and then losing her I am not sure i am willing to become a mother to another child. I hope to be blessed one day and become a mother, yet the vulnerability to love that much..makes me so scared i get nauseous! I am a very passionate woman and love with most of my heart.. I have lived through my large share of pain (many types) and the idea of loving that much only to lose it again.. I wonder will i overcome the fear to take that leap of faith. Until then i cheat life and love and give to my numerous nieces and nephew,cousins and friends children. Who knows I may just spend the rest of my life being loved as everyones "AUNTIE" there are worse fates? :)