I am not dead.
Man, it's always rough getting back into the LJ swing of things after being away for so long. I honestly don't know what's been keeping me from posting. I certainly have had my fair share of online time in the past few weeks. And I always figured that once a baby was on board, I'd be posting like a crazy woman. Sadly, it seems to be the opposite. Maybe that's because my LJ is so fandom-centered that I feel like a million RL/baby posts would be uninteresting. You know, like my "audience" just wants to know about the current TV shows I'm into. I just don't know.
Either way, I wanted to let you all know that I didn't drop off the face of the Earth. Baby and I are doing wonderfully - I just entered my second trimester as of today. Isn't that nuts?! I feel like I just broke the news! We won't find out the gender for another month and a half or so (which is oh so frustrating), but I have had a lovely ultrasound and many chances to listen to the heartbeat. It's beating at a healthy 160 (which, according to them old wives tales, a heartbeat over 140 means GIRL *crosses fingers*), and growing at a normal rate.
Part of me feels like this STILL has not sunk in yet. There is a growing baby in my belly that will make an appearance in a mere six months and my life is going to change FOREVER. I don't feel prepared. At all. But, I think my biggest fear is that I'm going to feel very alone. Obviously my husband and family are incredibly supportive, but I have no moms my age to relate to. All of my friends are still in their "lets go out clubbing every night" phase and not nearly close to having kids, or even getting married. When my friends are gabbing about the latest guy they met, I will be venting about the woes of breast feeding and crying babies who don't sleep. I know my friends will always be there for me, but they won't truly be able to understand or relate. That notion has been wearing me down a lot lately. I don't want my child to grow up with no friends - I mean, we don't even have a single child in our family. Who will he/she have baby play dates with? *sigh* I'm sure this will be the least of my worries when the actual LACK OF SLEEP and the DRAINED FINANCES and the MESSY MESSY POOPY DIAPERS enter my life. But right now this is my main concern. For whatever reason.
And okay, on a fandom-related note, why the hell did I watch "Epitaph One" of Dollhouse?? SERIOUSLY. I could kill Joss. I feel like there is no point in even watching the upcoming seasons because I KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE END. Yes, some of it was vague, but STILL. Where is the suspense? Where is the thrill? How can I enjoy a show when I know what happens to the Dollhouse and the characters and the future? A lot of people are saying this was the best episode of the series. Okay, it as a well-written episode as a SERIES FINALE. I understand Joss didn't know if he was getting another season, but c'mon, this has ruined the show for me. I have no interest in what's to come because I know what's to come. Ugh. /endrant
Either way, I wanted to let you all know that I didn't drop off the face of the Earth. Baby and I are doing wonderfully - I just entered my second trimester as of today. Isn't that nuts?! I feel like I just broke the news! We won't find out the gender for another month and a half or so (which is oh so frustrating), but I have had a lovely ultrasound and many chances to listen to the heartbeat. It's beating at a healthy 160 (which, according to them old wives tales, a heartbeat over 140 means GIRL *crosses fingers*), and growing at a normal rate.
Part of me feels like this STILL has not sunk in yet. There is a growing baby in my belly that will make an appearance in a mere six months and my life is going to change FOREVER. I don't feel prepared. At all. But, I think my biggest fear is that I'm going to feel very alone. Obviously my husband and family are incredibly supportive, but I have no moms my age to relate to. All of my friends are still in their "lets go out clubbing every night" phase and not nearly close to having kids, or even getting married. When my friends are gabbing about the latest guy they met, I will be venting about the woes of breast feeding and crying babies who don't sleep. I know my friends will always be there for me, but they won't truly be able to understand or relate. That notion has been wearing me down a lot lately. I don't want my child to grow up with no friends - I mean, we don't even have a single child in our family. Who will he/she have baby play dates with? *sigh* I'm sure this will be the least of my worries when the actual LACK OF SLEEP and the DRAINED FINANCES and the MESSY MESSY POOPY DIAPERS enter my life. But right now this is my main concern. For whatever reason.
And okay, on a fandom-related note, why the hell did I watch "Epitaph One" of Dollhouse?? SERIOUSLY. I could kill Joss. I feel like there is no point in even watching the upcoming seasons because I KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE END. Yes, some of it was vague, but STILL. Where is the suspense? Where is the thrill? How can I enjoy a show when I know what happens to the Dollhouse and the characters and the future? A lot of people are saying this was the best episode of the series. Okay, it as a well-written episode as a SERIES FINALE. I understand Joss didn't know if he was getting another season, but c'mon, this has ruined the show for me. I have no interest in what's to come because I know what's to come. Ugh. /endrant