Tinnitus
Title: Tinnitus
Author: forlove/sweetiejelly
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Word Count: ~680
Disclaimer: Don’t own; characters belong to ATWT, CBS, P&G, etc.
Warning: A bit of angst to start.
Summary: What Noah used to hear and what he hears now.
Notes: Dedicated to Leslie (shizumaslover) on her birthday. I hope you're doing well. We miss you! ♥
Tinnitus: the perception of sound within the human ear in the absence of corresponding external sound.
Noah has had tinnitus all his life, that little sound that choked around his throat something like a Colonel’s hands. Be a man, the sound rippled out like bullets, like rain.
Noah lived two versions of himself - one laughing, bold in his choices and the other real. It was exhausting housing extra weight, exhausting carrying extra voices.
Still, Noah marched on, like the good little soldier the Colonel trained him to be. Of course, it was not enough. It was never enough. Noah couldn’t dribble a ball across court or run a five minute mile. He couldn’t score himself a girlfriend and liked the neighbor’s son too much. He ran with the wrong crowds, or so he was told. Who knew theater was so much more dramatic off the stage?
Noah tried, tried giving in to the commands. Yes, sir - the phrase drained from his veins like blood, drained till he was but a slim imitation of his former self. Running away to WOAK for a summer internship was self preservation. He had to stop the bleed, had to stay strong enough for his brand new start at Northwestern. If he could just get there, everything would be ok.
Noah heard the rush of blood again, bubbling in his ears, when he first set eyes on Luke. The Colonel’s disapproval came across heavy like imaginary spats, a litany of nos. And Noah tried not to stare too hard at the curve of Luke’s dimples or the light in his eyes. He tried not to be wowed by Luke’s strokes of genius across the page or the neat rise and falls of his handwriting. He tried not to think about Luke at all, which only ensured he thought about Luke all the time.
The water will feel nice. The new voice was kind, the eyes kinder. Noah found himself falling under. The water splashed over them, fell easy over their shoulders, down the muscles of their backs. The words, however, the words stuck.
Noah found himself much later that night, alone and awake, an arm against the shower tiles, a hand twisting in rhythm. Will feel nice. Nice. Nice.
It took a long time getting to nice, but it was worth it. Noah heard the jumble of voices in his head fade and clear until only the nice one, which so often now turned naughty, remained.
It remained even now, even when he’d been robbed of light and separated from the daily rush of Luke’s sounds. Noah sat on the sofa, feeling his way around his sneaker, threading a clean lace in. He sat and listened to Maddie on the phone. He knew it was Luke on the other end from the way her voice warmed then hesitated. He could almost hear Luke in his head and he almost smiled. Are you sure he’s doing ok? Any news on the surgery schedule?
Noah knew it was his disease to bear. No matter what happened, it was Luke now he heard all the time. Luke was there at night, chattering about his day and his family and his work at Grimaldi Shipping. He was there in the morning, asking if Noah needed any help with buttoning his shirt or if he wanted him to make a grill cheese sandwich or maybe some pancakes. Luke was this hovering constant in his head and Noah found he didn’t mind so much. Every once in a while, when he got scared thinking about the possibility of a botched surgery or a failed one, when he thought of navigating his life in the dark or of never seeing another movie ever again, even his own, he heard Luke’s voice come through strong and sincere. I love you. Nothing’s going to change that. We’ll get through this.
Noah has had tinnitus all his life, that little sound now that soothed and encouraged like a lover’s hands. I love you, the sound rippled out clear like hope, like home. Even Noah could see that.
Author: forlove/sweetiejelly
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Word Count: ~680
Disclaimer: Don’t own; characters belong to ATWT, CBS, P&G, etc.
Warning: A bit of angst to start.
Summary: What Noah used to hear and what he hears now.
Notes: Dedicated to Leslie (shizumaslover) on her birthday. I hope you're doing well. We miss you! ♥
Tinnitus: the perception of sound within the human ear in the absence of corresponding external sound.
Noah has had tinnitus all his life, that little sound that choked around his throat something like a Colonel’s hands. Be a man, the sound rippled out like bullets, like rain.
Noah lived two versions of himself - one laughing, bold in his choices and the other real. It was exhausting housing extra weight, exhausting carrying extra voices.
Still, Noah marched on, like the good little soldier the Colonel trained him to be. Of course, it was not enough. It was never enough. Noah couldn’t dribble a ball across court or run a five minute mile. He couldn’t score himself a girlfriend and liked the neighbor’s son too much. He ran with the wrong crowds, or so he was told. Who knew theater was so much more dramatic off the stage?
Noah tried, tried giving in to the commands. Yes, sir - the phrase drained from his veins like blood, drained till he was but a slim imitation of his former self. Running away to WOAK for a summer internship was self preservation. He had to stop the bleed, had to stay strong enough for his brand new start at Northwestern. If he could just get there, everything would be ok.
Noah heard the rush of blood again, bubbling in his ears, when he first set eyes on Luke. The Colonel’s disapproval came across heavy like imaginary spats, a litany of nos. And Noah tried not to stare too hard at the curve of Luke’s dimples or the light in his eyes. He tried not to be wowed by Luke’s strokes of genius across the page or the neat rise and falls of his handwriting. He tried not to think about Luke at all, which only ensured he thought about Luke all the time.
The water will feel nice. The new voice was kind, the eyes kinder. Noah found himself falling under. The water splashed over them, fell easy over their shoulders, down the muscles of their backs. The words, however, the words stuck.
Noah found himself much later that night, alone and awake, an arm against the shower tiles, a hand twisting in rhythm. Will feel nice. Nice. Nice.
It took a long time getting to nice, but it was worth it. Noah heard the jumble of voices in his head fade and clear until only the nice one, which so often now turned naughty, remained.
It remained even now, even when he’d been robbed of light and separated from the daily rush of Luke’s sounds. Noah sat on the sofa, feeling his way around his sneaker, threading a clean lace in. He sat and listened to Maddie on the phone. He knew it was Luke on the other end from the way her voice warmed then hesitated. He could almost hear Luke in his head and he almost smiled. Are you sure he’s doing ok? Any news on the surgery schedule?
Noah knew it was his disease to bear. No matter what happened, it was Luke now he heard all the time. Luke was there at night, chattering about his day and his family and his work at Grimaldi Shipping. He was there in the morning, asking if Noah needed any help with buttoning his shirt or if he wanted him to make a grill cheese sandwich or maybe some pancakes. Luke was this hovering constant in his head and Noah found he didn’t mind so much. Every once in a while, when he got scared thinking about the possibility of a botched surgery or a failed one, when he thought of navigating his life in the dark or of never seeing another movie ever again, even his own, he heard Luke’s voice come through strong and sincere. I love you. Nothing’s going to change that. We’ll get through this.
Noah has had tinnitus all his life, that little sound now that soothed and encouraged like a lover’s hands. I love you, the sound rippled out clear like hope, like home. Even Noah could see that.