(no subject)

[sweetieb254]

am i selfish? to hear peter repeat me it just sounds like i only care about myself...sometimes i seriously think about going to my medicine drawer and taking everything. wow. i havent ever written that down. i feel like that a lot because of peter. but im scared to tell him bc it would just come out as "look at me look at me, give me attention." and thats not what i want to say...so he will just never know that he makes me want to overdose on advil. is that even possible? i dont even care. i should go workout. im fat and now that peter's got a new chick, i have no one that will reasure me that im okay lookin. my head forgets to tell me that sometimes. im more needy than a kid i think. i turned my phone off and im not on aim. im unreachable. i dont even know if thats a word. well...i just made it one...so there. i want to go home, actually i want to go back to kindergarden. or maybe out of school and married so all this is over. but then i'd still have a boy around and boys are trouble. it seems like i only write in here when something really good or really bad happens...not really on a normal day, which i do have. i promise. everyday is not full of drama. or i might take suicide into more consideration... you know what? i think im worth more than a death by myself. i never really would commit suicide. dont worry. just in case you were. peter is the only person who can make me feel that crappy every day. but i control my emotions, which means that im letting this get to me.

okay...im gonna try to be stronger and not say things ill regret when he repeats them...I am the only one who can make me sad. and I am the only one that can make me mad...people just help it along! whatever, i didnt solve anything by writing in here...i dont really feel better, but i dont feel worse and im not crying, which is good...