so complicated
i'm so confused right now. i dont know what to do. i had an amazing night. and then today...well the day was good. but i got off the phone, and now im so frustrated. what am i supposed to do? okay- on one hand, it would be really cool to date this guy. like amazing. but he's so hard to read and i dont know what he's thinking when we're together. when he holds me it's like...crazy. ha, i guess that's not normally a good thing. i swear it is. but then there's this other guy who really really really likes me. like he would do anything for me, and he makes that known (so there's NO confusion!) all the time. but when i hang out with taylor, it really hurts him. i always hurt him. i dont know why he likes me...im such a jerk. i should give up guys. give up guys and sex. i dont need it. well, i'll never give up guys, but sex (anything sexual) makes things complicated. but sometimes laying in bed being held is more meaningful than even kissing. and that's pretty meaningful. aaarrrggghhh... i'm so frustrated. why do i feel like the bad guy? am i honestly doing stuff that's so wrong?
okay, so daniel is still daniel. sometimes i miss him. times like these... i wouldn't have this problem if i was still with him. and then the other day he said he didnt think it was a good idea to go to chattanooga by ourselves. now, i thought we were supposed to be friends...i dont know.
why does my life feel like a soap oprera. why do guys like me? if they really knew me...they prolly would not like me. i wonder if he even wants to be with me. or if he's just hanging out w/ me because maybe he's bored and im there. that would kind of suck.
i drank last night. a lot. the guys were trying to 'protect' me so they didnt put any alcohol in my jager bomb. jerks. just kidding, they did the right thing. but i still had 3 shots after they gave me a fake mixed drink...so i guess their 'plan' to keep me... hmmm... not so drunk didn't work. haha, i won. but yea, like i said before, last night was amazing. i really liked hanging out w/ new people! i was shy at first, as always. but i think i opened up! and it was fun being w/ you too. you know who you are. lets do that again...soon. okay enough rambling for now. this is like the longest i've ever written. later~betsy
okay, so daniel is still daniel. sometimes i miss him. times like these... i wouldn't have this problem if i was still with him. and then the other day he said he didnt think it was a good idea to go to chattanooga by ourselves. now, i thought we were supposed to be friends...i dont know.
why does my life feel like a soap oprera. why do guys like me? if they really knew me...they prolly would not like me. i wonder if he even wants to be with me. or if he's just hanging out w/ me because maybe he's bored and im there. that would kind of suck.
i drank last night. a lot. the guys were trying to 'protect' me so they didnt put any alcohol in my jager bomb. jerks. just kidding, they did the right thing. but i still had 3 shots after they gave me a fake mixed drink...so i guess their 'plan' to keep me... hmmm... not so drunk didn't work. haha, i won. but yea, like i said before, last night was amazing. i really liked hanging out w/ new people! i was shy at first, as always. but i think i opened up! and it was fun being w/ you too. you know who you are. lets do that again...soon. okay enough rambling for now. this is like the longest i've ever written. later~betsy