smile
I'm happy.
Truly happy.
I haven't been able to say that for a while now.
I'm also proud of myself. Like, honestly.
I haven't said that in. . . I have no idea how long.
I haven't done something that I could truly be proud of in a while. Band is really not something to be proud of. Yeah, it's great. I'm in the honors band ensemble, I'm section leader as a junior. . . whoop-di-do.
But this musical. . . I don't know. I mean, I really don't think it's a good musical. In fact, I think it sucks. But the fact that I've overcome so much. . . It's great. I worked so hard to be able to stand there on tech rehearsal and know every single one of those lines and know the songs and the blocking. . . Don't get me wrong, it was by no means perfect. The delivery of the lines wasn't always the best, I missed a few cues, and the certain songs were pitchy, but you know what, I got through it. I've had severe stage fright for as long as I can remember. I DREAD speeches and anything where a lot of people are staring at me. This experience has helped me get over that. I mean, I haven't sung in public since the 5th grade, and then I'm understudy to the lead, and then I'm going on as the lead because she had to leave for about 5 days. I mean, I knew it was coming, so I was prepared, but it was still very very very stressful and hectic. I've been dreading tech rehearsal for about 2 months now, and now that it's over, I can just breathe. The first run through was pretty tight, but for the second one (and last one EVER for me), I just loosened up and tried to have fun with it. All in all, it was an amazing experience. I made new friends, I became better friends with some of the ones I already had, and I learned things about myself. Like, I can be dedicated, and determined, and perservere. And other things, obviously, but there are more important things. Like, I can't take a compliment. I just can't. I KNOW that some people are insincere, and I hate it when people say "Good Job" and "You were great!" just because they have to. I'd rather they say nothing at all then just utter meaningles words. However, it did feel good to have everyone clap for me when Colin made a little announcement at the end of tech acknowledging me. I just felt. . . so accomplished. Even Ms. Kennedy gave me a BIG star and gave me a hug and said that she was proud of me. It was worth it. Yes, I complained A LOT and yes, it took over my life. But, It was worth it.
The only thing that absolutely sucks about this musical right now, is that I have a 5-6 page paper due Wednesday, and as it is currently Monday night at 1:39, I'm not sleeping until it's done. I'm just taking a little 10 minute break to finally update my journal.
G'night. . . eventually.