At 2am I wish I could find the off button...
So it's almost 2:30 and I can't sleep...
There's so much going on right now. I'm a little overwhelmed.
I leave in less than 2 weeks for New York and I'm nervous as hell...
I don't know how to live in New York
I don't know what to bring
I'm really bad at making friends
I'm too good at being independent and alone, even though I hate being lonely
I'm really not that smart and I'm going to fail my classes
I'm not quite sure why I'm leaving in the first place
I'm not quite sure that there will be anything to come back to when I do come back
I'm afraid of missed opportunities (which going away may or may not be one of them)
I'm afraid that I'm just plain old not good enough...for anyone, for anything...
...and these are just a few of the things running through my head over and over and over...
I know that I should be excited and happy and everything...I was and I am but at the same time I'm not going lie...there are reasons why I don't want to go...
This may be a really bad time to leave...or it may be a really good time...all depends
Today was just one of those days that was just all-around frustrating. It was raining and awful and of course me with my seasonal depression and all...was not in the best of moods. Went shopping w/Payal, and met up with Nicole for lunch. You would think this would all be fun...and it was...besides the fact that we're all just unhappy about certain things and it makes me mad that three awesome girls can't find happiness in just hanging out with each other...I wanted to scream b/c it makes me so angry the games we play with each other...it's really getting old...
...my conclusions from today:
1) I'm tired of games, I won't play them. Don't play them with me. If you have something to say or want me to do something, no matter what it means, just f'ing say it. I'll respect you for being honest and feel like you respect me if you are.
2) Females need to begin to have fun no matter who they're with or what they're doing...guys do it, why is it so impossible for us?
3) If accomplishing objective #2 means drinking more...so be it!
I'm done.
There's so much going on right now. I'm a little overwhelmed.
I leave in less than 2 weeks for New York and I'm nervous as hell...
I don't know how to live in New York
I don't know what to bring
I'm really bad at making friends
I'm too good at being independent and alone, even though I hate being lonely
I'm really not that smart and I'm going to fail my classes
I'm not quite sure why I'm leaving in the first place
I'm not quite sure that there will be anything to come back to when I do come back
I'm afraid of missed opportunities (which going away may or may not be one of them)
I'm afraid that I'm just plain old not good enough...for anyone, for anything...
...and these are just a few of the things running through my head over and over and over...
I know that I should be excited and happy and everything...I was and I am but at the same time I'm not going lie...there are reasons why I don't want to go...
This may be a really bad time to leave...or it may be a really good time...all depends
Today was just one of those days that was just all-around frustrating. It was raining and awful and of course me with my seasonal depression and all...was not in the best of moods. Went shopping w/Payal, and met up with Nicole for lunch. You would think this would all be fun...and it was...besides the fact that we're all just unhappy about certain things and it makes me mad that three awesome girls can't find happiness in just hanging out with each other...I wanted to scream b/c it makes me so angry the games we play with each other...it's really getting old...
...my conclusions from today:
1) I'm tired of games, I won't play them. Don't play them with me. If you have something to say or want me to do something, no matter what it means, just f'ing say it. I'll respect you for being honest and feel like you respect me if you are.
2) Females need to begin to have fun no matter who they're with or what they're doing...guys do it, why is it so impossible for us?
3) If accomplishing objective #2 means drinking more...so be it!
I'm done.