no school due to power outtage
thank god...funny thing thou...i was oddly awake at the moment power went out....around 4am in the frickin morning, i've been having bad insomnia...UGH!
I've fucked up alot lately....pretty shitty. i dont play volleyball anymore, i didn't even try out for softball, i've even lost someone i considered pretty close to me(i dont even have them as a friend now), what the shit is wrong with me? all i do is work, go to school, and have BPA. it's like the life has been drained slowly out of me recently. i dont have motivation for anything. Although I have become really close to some people recently who are AMAZING, I knew of them before, but now i actually know them!!!!! They have kept me some what up and moving.
i look at all my friends that are still in with volleyball and softball and i used to have sooooo much fun playing and i miss it alot. i wanna get back into the action but i'm just so timid to do it. i want to make a change this next year and come back and play my games....esspecially volleyball, cause that's what's missing from me most. but i guess the only reason i'm not playing that is cause i feel like my sophomore year during tryouts Coach Brown basically sucked the life out of me when he told me that i wasn't good enough for "jv/v level" of playing....when he'd been my coach since my early years...i just felt betrayed, even thou he was still there for me and encouaged me playing club volleyball, weird shit. which i should be playing now......and i'm not. and i shouldn't be working as much as i do....or worrying about life as much as i do....just fuck everything that's happened in the past.
Outside of school/extracurricular stuff....i'm alright. i hope. just need to find something to give me a motivation boost for other things. Hopefully seeing Jake today will be a good thing for me today....he'll brighten my day some, he's always so perky and energetic. he may be really into god and everything but he's such a cool guy, i actually dated him for a month before my most recently ended relationship,then Jake and I both decided that we make better friends than anything.
Off to get Jake and eat some breakfast soon.
I've fucked up alot lately....pretty shitty. i dont play volleyball anymore, i didn't even try out for softball, i've even lost someone i considered pretty close to me(i dont even have them as a friend now), what the shit is wrong with me? all i do is work, go to school, and have BPA. it's like the life has been drained slowly out of me recently. i dont have motivation for anything. Although I have become really close to some people recently who are AMAZING, I knew of them before, but now i actually know them!!!!! They have kept me some what up and moving.
i look at all my friends that are still in with volleyball and softball and i used to have sooooo much fun playing and i miss it alot. i wanna get back into the action but i'm just so timid to do it. i want to make a change this next year and come back and play my games....esspecially volleyball, cause that's what's missing from me most. but i guess the only reason i'm not playing that is cause i feel like my sophomore year during tryouts Coach Brown basically sucked the life out of me when he told me that i wasn't good enough for "jv/v level" of playing....when he'd been my coach since my early years...i just felt betrayed, even thou he was still there for me and encouaged me playing club volleyball, weird shit. which i should be playing now......and i'm not. and i shouldn't be working as much as i do....or worrying about life as much as i do....just fuck everything that's happened in the past.
Outside of school/extracurricular stuff....i'm alright. i hope. just need to find something to give me a motivation boost for other things. Hopefully seeing Jake today will be a good thing for me today....he'll brighten my day some, he's always so perky and energetic. he may be really into god and everything but he's such a cool guy, i actually dated him for a month before my most recently ended relationship,then Jake and I both decided that we make better friends than anything.
Off to get Jake and eat some breakfast soon.