Where to start...

[sweetgal06]

Picking up the pieces. After everything is said and done, where does this all leave me? I feel a little more lost than usually in this world lately. I crave so much for that old me back.. I use to be so care free, a lot less emotional, stronger, and determined! Somewhere in the last year or two I've turned into a mushy stacey. I definitely didn't use to be like that all. I was always about standing my ground and would say no to anyone at any given time, and so what if they didnt like it. Now, not so much. I'm always trying to please everyone and be this " perfect person ". Honestly, what has that gotten me over this whole time, really nothing at all. I'm just titled as the "nice and pretty girl" who is too nice and isn't slutty enough. Ha I never thought I would be the one to end up in last place. But the finish line is approaching and I'm no where close to being first. I just don't get it, it seems like whatever I do isn't good enough for someone. I'll never really finish first in any race.

I just feel like I'm in a weird part of my life. I'm old enough to be a mature adult and start a career and family, but I'm just not there yet. I'm close but still a year or so away from being done with school and who knows if I'll actually be offered a position when I'm finished. Then starting a family, ha I don't even have a boyfriend, how the hell am I ever even going to find the right person for me anyways. Life is just so complicated, I just don't know why it has to be so very much complicated. I just want to really appreciate what I have again and start to enjoy life to its fullest. I just need to remember how to do that again. These are the times I wish I could start fresh somewhere new.