I don't know if I know how to use this thing anymore
I probably wouldn't have wrote in here but since today is July 7th, I thought I would vent in here like old times.
Its so crazy to think how much time has passed in 5 years. I think its remarkable how so much has changed in my life, but yet it still hurts just as much as it did five years ago. Granted its not the exact pain as that day, but its just as haunting and tear jerking. I always told myself it would get easier and I would be able to handle this day better, but I found myself in more of a mess of tears last night then I think I have since that day 5 years ago.
Paul told me today me I probably should talk to someone about this or its going to affect me for the rest of my life. But the sad thing is, I have already talked to someone about this, and frankly I thought he made things so much worse. I honestly do think its some what of a problem I have not being able to properly cope with this, but I think I cope with it just fine through out the year, its just today, July 7th I don't know how to cope with it. People tell me its a bad idea to go to back to the pool every year but I promised him I would never let him be forgotten and I plan to fufull that promise. Its always a hard thing for me to do, but in a small sense it does make me feel better to go back. I think I get stronger evey year and I think I will be strong enough one year to only shed a few tears.