(no subject)
"You can breathe now but the air is running out" I feel like now that my parents are officially divorced I can finally breathe, but there is nothing to breathe in. I spent so much effort and time last year focused on this and while I know it's not resolved it feels like for the first time I can really live my own life now because there's no part of me that really feels I can fix the situation anymore. It's funny how one single piece of paper can dictate your life. I feel frozen in the beginning of last year though, like I've grown up so much in terms of my parents and hurt but I never really got to learn to have fun. Toronto has been an awesome awakening for that but part of me still feels like an outsider because of my inhibitions. Not to get more emo, but as I was talking to a friend before.. I don't think I've ever been loved. I have loved many, but never been truley loved myself. This really makes me think about what's wrong with me and that terrifies me. More than anything I want love but it's also the one thing I'm most frightened of- or maybe that I'm incapable of being loved. Yes, I know I'm only 18. Only time will tell.
Anyways, I hate that all my entries are emo. I swear I fucking love my life in Toronto and it's the best thing that's happened to me. It's just hard to see all my friends getting shown interest and to just sit on the outside wondering what's so wrong with me.
Anyways, I hate that all my entries are emo. I swear I fucking love my life in Toronto and it's the best thing that's happened to me. It's just hard to see all my friends getting shown interest and to just sit on the outside wondering what's so wrong with me.