Empty Meets Panic
Hey all, (by all I mean like two people....)
This is something I wrote for my creative writing class the other day and I decided to post it on here and see what kind of response it got :)
Comment and critisize because I know it's not completely fabulous yet since this is just the first draft of potentially many so let me know!
Title: Empty Meets Panic
She walked into the room, hesitant, almost unwilling to continue. She was so pale, almost translucent in skin tone. She moved slowly trudging towards the seat next to mine, slipping in soundlessly. There was no scent coming from her whatsoever; it surprised me. These days everyone smelled like something but not her, nothing but a figure in the chair next to mine. Her face showed no emotion; she wouldn’t speak to the class, not even giving a name. Her clothes were unremarkable, just a plain gray shirt with average jeans, somehow just barely filling the void that had been there only moments ago. It was as if everyone saw her, knew she was there, but struggled to convince themselves it was real. If you didn’t look close enough you might not see her, for she was barely there at all. I looked over to where he sat, wondering what he would think of her. He never sat still, constantly moving in agitation. He looked unkempt with a wrinkled shirt and torn up jeans. His golden eyes were everywhere at once with a look of forcefully angry caution. He always seemed to be trying to calm himself down, but it never worked. His eyes went to her, a stricken look coming quickly to his face. * * * Why was she there, or better yet why was she so close to not being there? It scared him. His hands went to his sharp but untidy black hair, messing with it furiously. She just sits there, doing nothing. Not even creating any sense of presence for herself. It wasn’t normal, in fact it was so far from normal that it all but made him run away screaming. He restrained himself, knowing Ms. Long wouldn’t like the disruption. That stressed him out even more. He had to get a reaction out of her; she couldn’t be that…empty. He had to do something. At the end of class he bolted out of his seat trying hard not to freak himself out or anyone else. Shaking slightly, he forced himself to stop and turn around waiting for her. She has to come; she can’t just disappear like that. He strained his neck, searching furiously for the strange girl. If he hadn’t been concentrating he wouldn’t have seen her. She slipped so smoothly out the door, almost floating towards her next class. He ran to her, unable to think clearly and completely without a plan. He grabbed her and for the first time, much to his surprise, he got a reaction. * * * She turned, shocked as this crazed guy grabbed her. More than just being grabbed, she was more surprised by the fact that she was surprised. She hadn’t felt anything in years. He was saying something with a stricken look on his face but she wasn’t listening. She returned to her normal blank state, or at least attempted to. This guy would not leave her alone. He seemed to be near shouting; other students were beginning to look. “My name is Derek,” he was saying, but she still tried to resist. How strange. I think I’m feeling…annoyance? The sudden burst of emotions was starting to scare her. She looked at Derek again, finally giving into his desperately pleading eyes. “My name is Emma,” she whispered. She wasn’t sure if he was relieved or more terrified than ever at this response. She waited quietly, quickly falling back to the vacant state she was so used to, allowing him to absorb her words. He stood, almost fearful for a moment, and then in an instant he turned in his panicked state and ran. He left her to wander to her next class almost completely unnoticed. * * * “My name is Emma,” she said, barely making a sound. He had done it; she reacted. He had finally gotten her to speak. But her words were almost as empty as she was and it was alarming. He was happy to realize that she was actually there, that she was breathing, but now it was too much. She didn’t do anything. She only just seemed to exist and it terrified him. The fact that her response didn’t even seem real made things so much worse. He couldn’t stand to be around her anymore. He ran, holding back a scream, shaking as he made it to his next class in record time. He calmed himself down to his normal frenzied state and without even realizing it, he was already starting to forget the girl whose emptiness had distressed him so completely, his thoughts becoming more concerned with all the problems in this class. * * * I watched the whole thing unfold; Derek freaked out completely by, what did she say her name was, Emma? They were an odd pair but it wasn’t really my business. If Derek wanted to push himself into the most panicked state of his life by talking to a completely empty girl, that was his choice. For me, I just stepped back and let things return to normal. Both of them would find their rightful place in time, even if for now they just floated, or ran, along until it came.
This is something I wrote for my creative writing class the other day and I decided to post it on here and see what kind of response it got :)
Comment and critisize because I know it's not completely fabulous yet since this is just the first draft of potentially many so let me know!
Title: Empty Meets Panic
She walked into the room, hesitant, almost unwilling to continue. She was so pale, almost translucent in skin tone. She moved slowly trudging towards the seat next to mine, slipping in soundlessly. There was no scent coming from her whatsoever; it surprised me. These days everyone smelled like something but not her, nothing but a figure in the chair next to mine. Her face showed no emotion; she wouldn’t speak to the class, not even giving a name. Her clothes were unremarkable, just a plain gray shirt with average jeans, somehow just barely filling the void that had been there only moments ago. It was as if everyone saw her, knew she was there, but struggled to convince themselves it was real. If you didn’t look close enough you might not see her, for she was barely there at all. I looked over to where he sat, wondering what he would think of her. He never sat still, constantly moving in agitation. He looked unkempt with a wrinkled shirt and torn up jeans. His golden eyes were everywhere at once with a look of forcefully angry caution. He always seemed to be trying to calm himself down, but it never worked. His eyes went to her, a stricken look coming quickly to his face. * * * Why was she there, or better yet why was she so close to not being there? It scared him. His hands went to his sharp but untidy black hair, messing with it furiously. She just sits there, doing nothing. Not even creating any sense of presence for herself. It wasn’t normal, in fact it was so far from normal that it all but made him run away screaming. He restrained himself, knowing Ms. Long wouldn’t like the disruption. That stressed him out even more. He had to get a reaction out of her; she couldn’t be that…empty. He had to do something. At the end of class he bolted out of his seat trying hard not to freak himself out or anyone else. Shaking slightly, he forced himself to stop and turn around waiting for her. She has to come; she can’t just disappear like that. He strained his neck, searching furiously for the strange girl. If he hadn’t been concentrating he wouldn’t have seen her. She slipped so smoothly out the door, almost floating towards her next class. He ran to her, unable to think clearly and completely without a plan. He grabbed her and for the first time, much to his surprise, he got a reaction. * * * She turned, shocked as this crazed guy grabbed her. More than just being grabbed, she was more surprised by the fact that she was surprised. She hadn’t felt anything in years. He was saying something with a stricken look on his face but she wasn’t listening. She returned to her normal blank state, or at least attempted to. This guy would not leave her alone. He seemed to be near shouting; other students were beginning to look. “My name is Derek,” he was saying, but she still tried to resist. How strange. I think I’m feeling…annoyance? The sudden burst of emotions was starting to scare her. She looked at Derek again, finally giving into his desperately pleading eyes. “My name is Emma,” she whispered. She wasn’t sure if he was relieved or more terrified than ever at this response. She waited quietly, quickly falling back to the vacant state she was so used to, allowing him to absorb her words. He stood, almost fearful for a moment, and then in an instant he turned in his panicked state and ran. He left her to wander to her next class almost completely unnoticed. * * * “My name is Emma,” she said, barely making a sound. He had done it; she reacted. He had finally gotten her to speak. But her words were almost as empty as she was and it was alarming. He was happy to realize that she was actually there, that she was breathing, but now it was too much. She didn’t do anything. She only just seemed to exist and it terrified him. The fact that her response didn’t even seem real made things so much worse. He couldn’t stand to be around her anymore. He ran, holding back a scream, shaking as he made it to his next class in record time. He calmed himself down to his normal frenzied state and without even realizing it, he was already starting to forget the girl whose emptiness had distressed him so completely, his thoughts becoming more concerned with all the problems in this class. * * * I watched the whole thing unfold; Derek freaked out completely by, what did she say her name was, Emma? They were an odd pair but it wasn’t really my business. If Derek wanted to push himself into the most panicked state of his life by talking to a completely empty girl, that was his choice. For me, I just stepped back and let things return to normal. Both of them would find their rightful place in time, even if for now they just floated, or ran, along until it came.