The Happiness Project
I'm reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin right now. It's kind of got me thinking. This woman took a year to discover what makes her happy. She put tons of time into studying it, reading books and looking up studies. It's pretty interesting. She assigned each month a theme. For instance, January was "Boost Energy" and March is "Aim Higher" which is about work. It's got me thinking about a lot of different things.
Am I happy?
A few months ago my mother stopped me and told me that I had just said I loved my life for the second time that week and that it wasn't said with a trace of sarcasm. It's true. I do love my life. However, I've been thinking that you can love your life but not be happy or content. I am generally happy but I have to keep myself in check. See, my problem is that I compare myself and my life too much to other people.
Yesterday I was feeling pretty depressed. I said the wrong thing to Rayce's mother. (Actually, I turned down food because I wasn't hungry but she insisted until I gave in and then she was very happy and I felt fat ang guilty. Guilty on two fronts because I ate when I wasn't hangry and I also put up such a big fight about it.) When I got home I looked around the basement and it was a mess. I stepped on the scale and hit the point that I promised I would never go over. I had fought with Rayce over something pretty silly and pouted a whole night about it.
Most of all, I felt boring.
When we were out Saturday night, I found myself sitting pretty much by myself and completely out of the conversation. Suddenly, I felt very dull. I didn't have anything to say. I was happy to sit and stare and drink. To my left there was a discussion about bleaching hair. To my right was a conversation about art. I felt too inexperienced for the bleaching conversation, because I've spent many years thinking that I am too serious for bleach. I felt like if I joined the conversation on arts I would be found out as a hack. I regretted again that I read so much and learn so little. Why didn't I pay more attention in school? What happened to all of my hobbies and passions?
So, for a couple of days I want to go over this book and what she says and what I think and feel. Tolerate me, please.
Am I happy?
A few months ago my mother stopped me and told me that I had just said I loved my life for the second time that week and that it wasn't said with a trace of sarcasm. It's true. I do love my life. However, I've been thinking that you can love your life but not be happy or content. I am generally happy but I have to keep myself in check. See, my problem is that I compare myself and my life too much to other people.
Yesterday I was feeling pretty depressed. I said the wrong thing to Rayce's mother. (Actually, I turned down food because I wasn't hungry but she insisted until I gave in and then she was very happy and I felt fat ang guilty. Guilty on two fronts because I ate when I wasn't hangry and I also put up such a big fight about it.) When I got home I looked around the basement and it was a mess. I stepped on the scale and hit the point that I promised I would never go over. I had fought with Rayce over something pretty silly and pouted a whole night about it.
Most of all, I felt boring.
When we were out Saturday night, I found myself sitting pretty much by myself and completely out of the conversation. Suddenly, I felt very dull. I didn't have anything to say. I was happy to sit and stare and drink. To my left there was a discussion about bleaching hair. To my right was a conversation about art. I felt too inexperienced for the bleaching conversation, because I've spent many years thinking that I am too serious for bleach. I felt like if I joined the conversation on arts I would be found out as a hack. I regretted again that I read so much and learn so little. Why didn't I pay more attention in school? What happened to all of my hobbies and passions?
So, for a couple of days I want to go over this book and what she says and what I think and feel. Tolerate me, please.